What do I do? I can't get over it.
 

So. There is this guy. My ex. My last ex. The relationship ended three years ago ex. I can't seem to date anyone else cuz this ex is always on my mind. He is now engaged to his bf of a year and they live together down the street from me. He's blocked me from every messenger known to man cuz he cant deal talking to me on a regular basis. The only time he unblockes me is when he is home alone and horny and wants me to come over. Sometimes I do go over....sometimes I don't. And the passion is still there and it is so tense when I see him out and about.

So. Today I see him. He works in TJ Maxx. Well, I went on a mad shopping spree today and spent a good $500. :cool: There he was right when I walked into the door. He saw me and ran straight to the back room. When I was checking out, he came up to me and didn't say anything but just stood there. I didn't look in his direction. He walked out the door and mumbled something about an email I sent to him on Myspace. I told him I hated him in the email. I think he said "Your myspace email was really nice of you," and walked out the door.

So. I went to Target and he was there...I guess on his lunchbreak. I saw him but quickly grabbed my cart and went on my merry way. Well, I turned around and he was following me. He saw and quickly turned the other way and out the door back to work.

There is soooooo much chemistry there it's unbearable. He brings tears to my eyes right when I see him. It's instant sadness. I dunno what his deal is with me. He obviously has issues. I know he uses me at times for satisfaction....and I let him like I fool....he knows he gets to me. I don't see how he can get fully committed to this guy when him and I have an unbreakable bond.

Help. What do I do to get him out of my head? I don't want him back....yes I do....no I don't. I can't decide. I need therapy. Just when I think he is out of my existance...I see him out...or he messages me....I can't get rid of him. I want to get rid of him...but then again I don't.

I need therapy.

You need a drink, is what you need. :nod:


















I'm kidding obviously, I don't really know what to tell you. I'm sorry, my little french fry. :(


Wait! I thought of something. You don't want a boy who is cheating on another guy with you. If you end up with him, he will cheat on you with another guy.

I'm going to make a few Screwdrivers and watch Phantom to have a good cry.

I don't see how when I look at someone for just a quick second, I begin to cry....IN PUBLIC. What does that mean?!?!? ughhh


I know. He's a cheat nowadays. But still...

First and foremost, this is yet another reason never to darken the door of TJ Maxx or Target :)

Next, I think you get a little or more satisfaction as well from the booty calls and you choose to go. So, I think thou protests too much on that point. I mean how do you know he has blocked you on all these things if you weren't a callin :shrug:

Also, tell him how you feel. If he starts the same crap as before or gives you some new BS, move on - note moving on means getting up without comment the second the BS spews forth and walking away without looking back. It will suck for awhile, but you will be far better off in the end.

Finally, you are a great guy. Do not sell yourself short, which is what it sounds like you are currently doing :xoxo:

get.therapy.

Plus what Jason said.

You may have to force yourself to do/think about other people/things. You're going to have to actively wash him out of your life. He is a toxic person to you. You are behaving like an addict, not a person in love. Please take care of yourself, Curtis. You deserve so much better!

what ended the relationship?

Start shopping at Neiman's...

Neiman's in West Virginia? I think not.


My 2¢: Dude...stop it. Move on already...it's weird and you sound kinda desperate. Maybe you're not, but you do come across that way for putting up with all this BS from that guy. Good luck...you should be happy...not miserable.

Oh and...drink.

I love you :wavey:

BTW - I was at Last Call yesterday :eek:

Back to topic - WE LOVE YOU CURTIS!!!!!!

Thanks guy.

I just needed to rant a bit. It's not that I want him back. It just pisses me off that he gets to me...and nobody gets to me....but him. grrrr......

I had this very situation with this ex that I dated off and on (mostly on) for seven years. In retrospect, he was terrible for me. Here is an idea: He asked me to marry him, and at the same time he was cheating on me with someone else at work. I finally found out, and I broke up with him/told him I wouldn't married him! But, we just couldn't let it go that easy. He kept trying to winning me back and about the time I almost caved, I found out that he hadn't totally broken it off with the girl at work (He said he had.) That was it for me, but he wouldn't quit calling.

Long story short, I finally moved to a different apartment, and my number changed. He didn't know how to get ahold of me, or where I was living. That really helped. That way, he couldn't just call, show up, beg for forgiveness, try to get me back, when he felt like it. When I started dating and keeping myself busy---took up a hobby, went out with friends, etc. I tried not to go where I would see him, whereas before I would try to bump into him. We lost touch for awhile. A year later, I found a guy who was good for me and treated me fabulous. We are married now and have been for eight years. As for my ex, he ended up marrying the girl at work with the ring he asked me with. He was still trying to locate me the whole time. They divorced a year later. He was still trying to locate me. He did find out where I was teaching and called the school, three years down the road. This was when he had found out that I was getting married. I felt so good to tell this guy off and to let him know I was happy without him. Also, to see that he wasn't happy without me. He lives with his regrets still, and I'm glad he got what was coming to him.

Moral is: You can do this too. You don't deserve this treatment. You are just like I was. our relationship was like an obsession. You have to remove yourself from the situation, and it won't be easy. You'll need support from friends or family or both. When you feel like calling him, call a friend. When you feel like seeing him, go out with a friend or go out on a date. You may need to go to therapy. I really wish I had. I think I would have been more emotionally healthy during the first six months if I had. This was the hardest thing that I ever had to do, but it was the BEST thing that I ever did for myself.

i totally agree w/ jason, & you are a great guy from what i can tell curtis, you deserve better!!!:xoxo: ~

I have been apart from my girl for over 6 months now...we were together for 3 yrs and I feel the same way. Her mother actually called me on Dec 23 and yesterday...said things werent the same this year without me around to hang the lights...etc. **** like that makes me miss her more...and then I hear songs on the radio and the wounds are still fresh. I still cry over this girl. Its pathetic. I know there's love thats still there. I dont think about the bad stuff anymore. I just try to remember her smile, her hair...her smell. The way she put her arms around my waist. All that good stuff.

I know I can't be with her, and I just do what I have to do just to get by. If I dwell on it too much, I'll just go mental. I dont want to go overboard and get obsessive with it either...and I figure if she really wants to be with me...these feelings I have, she'd have them too. And she doesnt. How does that Patty Smyth song go? "Sometimes love just aint enough"...damn right thats true.

You ain'y lying on that my friend - and let me second the notion that it FUKCING SUCKS that that is true.

My number one recommendation - be strong and do whatever you can to avoid him at all costs! At this point he is totally unavailable for a serious relationship and you must not forget that. If he wants to be with you he will leave his partner and you will be together but until he leaves this other guy he's not yours Curtis. Do NOT go to TJ Maxx where you know he works and you block HIM from messaging you. More importantly, DO NOT f*ck him no matter what. I'm sorry to be blunt here but that only makes it more difficult to move on.

Ever heard the expression out of sight, out of mind? Well right now that would be the best thing for you. I know he lives down the street so it might be hard but don't put yourself in a position where you know he may pop up. You'll never get over him if you continue contacting him (and vice-versa) and remember, you want to be with someone that wants to be with you. If you don't try to cease contact you have no one to blame but yourself and this pain will never end. I'm only saying this because I've been in the same position and it sucks arse honey (((hugs))).

That kind of chemistry is very difficult to resist, so I completely understand the attraction. I had something similar happen to me last year and it was electrifying and simultaneously idiotic. BUT, yes on the therapy and yes on avoiding him completely. Therapy, because deep down the attraction is probably about something else on top of the chemistry. Avoiding him, because the situation will only end up hurting you. When you get down to it, if you learn what makes this guy, and the situation so compelling, you can avoid people in the future who aren't good to you. No sex or emotional high is so good that it is worth suffering for.
:xoxo:

Heartbreak can be the worst thing, EVER. Everyone here has given you such great advce, but the problem is, until YOU'RE ready to move on, you won't listen. Curtis, promise me you'll stop with the booty calls. I only know you through this forum, but you seem SO far above that to me. You can tell yourself that you're using him too, but deep down you're not. You want him to feel about you the way you do about him. I was in the same position many years ago (haven't we all been at some point?). I never thought I would feel that kind of passion again. I knew I could be involved with other men, but never did I think I could feel such strong chemistry. But I did! And you will too.

I wish you the best of luck and lots of strength with this. :xoxo:

Curtis, I don't know you very well-er..well..at all really, but I'm really sorry that you are having to go thru this. The hardest part is dealing with it. Believe me. I was in a relationship-then "I" ended it. I never really dealt with it, and five years later it came back to bite me in the ass. The second time around I was the one that was heartbroken, but in the end, I made damn sure that I dealt with the pain. I also learned alot of things about myself that I really never knew. It was so hard, and I cried for months, but I got through it and you will too. And I'm not trying to quote stevie, or get into the "cliche" thing, but love really is a state of mind. You can fall in love with people and you can fall out of love with them. It is a conscious decision. It's just we dont' want to fall out of love with them. we "stevie" fans love to just drown in our misery, don't we ;) also-Try not to do the rebound thing because that will only make things more complicated and possibly hurt someone else. whoever said it was more of an addiction/obsession is completely right. It completely consumes you and you can't even see anymore. Most of my friends had never seen me in that shape. I was always the strong one, and here I was, completely heartbroken. It was difficult. And there are even more things that I am having to deal with now, but I'll get thru it and so will you!!! Geesh..I even made a "completely and totally depressing songs" cd. DO that....go take a bubble bath, cry your eyes out and wake up tomorrow and see how you feel. If you feel like doing it again tomorrow-go for it.

another song....*sob* I can't make you love me-bonnie raitt...*crrrrryyyyy*
oh..and I can keep 'em coming *L*
chicago's look away, faith hill-let me let go, 3doors down-here without you
o.k. those were my depressing songs-along with others. soon you will be able to graduate to "YOU'RE A F*CKING ASSHOLE" music! that's the FUN part!! weeee!!! :blob2: *big hugs*

Oh, Curtis. :( I so feel for you. When I fall, I fall big time. And the heartache and heartwrench can be so hard. I hope you can move on soon - try focusing on why he wasn't good for you or good to you. You deserve someone who treats you like gold. Remember that. Someone who's on your side. Always. Don't settle for anything less, my friend.

And I wish you courage and luck - and a little less pain.

Join the club! I pity anyone who falls as hard as I do...only to hit the ground...HARD! :(

The words to Remember Me and Dissatisfied will forever be my life...

I think I need to see those lyrics - who are the songs by? I am in the process of falling hard right now - and I'm not sure the guy is on the same page. I fell - for a guy who had never even considered me. Pretty much didn't know I existed. So it's been quite the few weeks - making him notice - very fun, but I can feel my heart sometimes waving out there by itself in the wind... There's interest, I think, but I just know I'm setting myself up for a big crash here if it doesn't happen. I think so often that I overprotect my heart - then I realize I actually do a really crappy job at it.

I agree..
Listen to Stevie Nicks wise words, when she was telling about the Rumours days, after breakin' with LB "You don't see that person the nex day"
But she had to, cause they were recording an album together, and it was a hell.

So you shouldn't see the guy unless you are 200% sure you don't feel anything more than nothing or just a real friendship. Otherwise, it's at your own risk

Perfectly put, sparky. (((Curtis))) remember you deserve much much better. You can call me anytime you need to get through a "craving".

Exactly, such as, "And when I scratch my nails down someone else's back I hope ya feel it!!!"

I love that Bonnie song too, she's the best.

It's like the cheesy Brian Adams song says:

"He's gonna run to you
When the feeling's right, he's gonna stay all night he's gonna run to you"...etc..

Ditch him. Like Suze said, this relationship sounds toxic, it's not good for you. It also sounds like you guys are drawn to each other because you know it can never work out...which leads to intimacy problems. Plus, this guy sounds like he can't deal in a mature relationship. I shudder to think what his marriage will be like.

It will be short.

Thanks kids for all the warm wishes. Sometimes it just sucks that you are attracted to scum. Life goes on....there are plenty of fishies in the sea.....well, not in Morgantown.....I must move.

:( :( :(
Any guesses, as to who the songs MIGHT be by?
(hint:there's no chiffon involved)

Plenty up here in Boston! :D A whole South End full of 'em.

I'm attracted to scum too. I know how you feel. :distress: But I feel for you!

I kind of know how you feel... I'm in a similar situation... the relationship ended 2 1/2 years ago and I feel like I've been stuck in the same place all this time. We work for the same company and live in the same part of the city, so our paths cross every once in a while... it's really, really tough everytime I see him or hear his voice. I've had a couple of short relationships since but I know they ended partly because of my inability to get over the first one. I think I'm doing better recently... (I used to wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks)... but I know I should have moved on 2 years ago. I just found out he's moving to the east coast next month, which is probably a good thing, but it brings all the feelings and the heartbreak back. Remembering the good times is the hardest part, there were a lot of them.

I thought you were in Boyfriend Heaven Bliss??? :confused:

I'm sorry to hear that your having these problems Curtis, that sucks. The only piece of advice I can really offer you is that I've been with my boyfriend now for 15 months, and for awhile we hated each other, somehow we made it through. What helped me is that I realized that he really cared about me deep down and wasn't like SO MANY gay guys that are backstabbing preening turkeys. Good luck to you in whatever you decide. And happy new year!:woohoo:

I was. Until he showed his true colors, as they say. He's kind of....how should I put this.....a self-centered asshole who didn't really care about me.

I had one of those. jerk.

You're better that him. Dont feel bad. There are plenty of good guys out there that would deserve a nice person like yourself.:)

Thanks. I still kind of want to be friends with him, even though he treated me like dirt. I guess its the kind of person I am. I think I can still be friendly, just not as close. It's going to kill me to be around him all the time at school though. Ugh...

Yeah, that part will be hard, but try not to dwell on it. What I mean is dont look at like it's all YOUR fault. That's hard sometimes, believe me.

awww...(chiffon head, right? :lol: )

They are both FM songs...Christine songs...both on the Penguin album...