Who was more *wrong* or *confused*?
 

This thread isn't meant to be offensive but I have a question and I can't decide who is more *wrong* or *confused*. I have a friend (no it is NOT me) who I was talking to on the phone. Ok this chick has not had sex in a really long time. A really long time. I'm talking about more than a few trips around the sun. She has dudes hitting on her and she goes out but she won't have sex. None of my friends are into the whole moral religious thing so that's not it. So she's telling me about this dude she went out with about 3 times. The last of those dates he got really out of control even tho she told him she wasn't going to have sex with him. She said she let him go further than usual but she didn't know he had *whipped it out*. She freaked out and actually scared him or so he told her. I think she's afraid to have sex. But who is more *wrong* or *confused*? Him, for whipping it out? Or her for freaking out? She also thinks the dude split because she told him how long it had been and freaked out at the sight of his d**k or at the idea of what he was about to do. So she thinks he split. Can peeps be afraid of sex? And why? She's one of my only female friends so I don't know what advice to give her. I am a walking nerve ending so I don't have that problem and don't know what to say. Anybody?

It's all very bizarre to me. Have you asked her why she doesn't want to? She probably holds the key.
I think they're both kind of strange, but he's strange in a bad way.

I have known a few women who were scared of physical and emotional intimacy and so they avoided relationships altogether. Perhaps she is just really nervous because it's been so long, or perhaps it's something more. However, if she truly has intimacy issues, a therapist might help.

As for the guy, he just sounds overeager.

I applaud anyone who's willing to "whip it out". ;)

But seriously, it's hard to say without knowing your friend better. :shrug:

That's easy...
 

the whipped-out dick seems to belong to a bigger dick.

And Yes, people can be afraid of sex (By looking at the GIFS in my signature I am sure y'all can guess my opinion on the big ol' S-E-X!!!)

Do you think she was abused? That is a common reason to avoid sex. If you can talk to her about it I would mention counseling to her if she seems to be looking for advice. Otherwise I guess just listen and try to be supportive.

I asked her if she was afraid of it and she said she didn't think so. If I didn't want to have sex with somebody, I would just tell them to put it in their pants and go home but I wouldn't freak out. I know one guy forced it on her a long time ago and she had a really long and not good relationship with another one of our friends. She got clean like me but even when she was still using, she wouldn't have sex with anybody. I used to think she was just picky but the freaking out thing makes me think there's something more to it. She said that she can't get turned on by even fantasizing about a guy but I'm pretty sure she's not gay. So I think the fear thing?

Lux, well she did go to me for advice which is how I know about it. It isn't meant to be offensive but I think f**ked up can mean different things. He might be f**ked up coz he whipped it out after she told him no. So that's a bad kind of f**ked up like Amber said. Or she could be f**ked up for not ever wanting to have sex and maybe being afraid of it. Freaking out at the sight of a d**k is not normal I don't think. That's a different kind of f**ked up and more like there's something in her mind. She did come to me tho coz she didn't know what the hell had happened to her when she freaked out. I don't know what to tell her so I'm asking other peeps. I'm sorry if it offends you.

I do not think your friend is f*ucked up just because she does not want to have sex. There are so many things that could be going on with her that you are totally unaware of and maybe she's confused as well. Perhaps this is something that she's struggling with and needs to work out on her own or with the help of a therapist but I don't think you telling her she's f*cked up is going to help the situation.

A lot of people have sexual issues, it doesn't make you a f*cked up person. If she freaked out I'm sure she had her reasons. My adivse would be to be a good friend and offer your support, not make her feel like a freak.

She should be with someone who has an understanding that she has issues with sex and is comfortable with that. Obviously the guy who wipped it out isn't so good thing he's out of the picture.

there are women who are so uptight about it that they actually experience physical pain at the slightest penetration....one of my women's mags had an article....your friend needs someone to unload to, I think, because if she ever meets someone to fall in love with, she's going to have a really hard time.
I'll try and see if I can look up that article when I get home (Im at work!)

She didn't tell her friend she was f*cked up. It's just an adjective she used here on the board to describe something she thought was strange. Just saying. And it sounds like she is supporting her. Again, I'm pretty sure she didn't call her friend "f*cked up".:laugh: :xoxo:

For you and Lux, I did NOT tell her she was f**ked up. I listened to what she said and I didn't know what to say. I DID NOT make her feel like a freak. She's like the only chick I'm really friends with in real life (most of my friends are guys) and I don't go around telling peeps they're f**ked up. It is obvious that I care or I wouldn't even bother trying to understand or to help her. I don't have any experience with this so I don't know what to say and I wanted to know if it's normal to be afraid of sex. I don't think it's normal to freak out looking at a d**k.

Thanks Amber! I was surprised to see that coming from Lindsay.

Lux, WHAT? Try going back and reading the other posts before you post. This is the last one I'm addressing to you coz I'm starting to get pissed. Stop being so judging and go back and read. I came here to ask a question and not get flamed. Thank you.

On edit: I see you changed your post so I got rid of your quote.

My hunch is that your friend has some past abuse issues. It certainly is not normal to be afraid of a male organ, but then again I have no idea how old she is- and that may be somewhat of a factor. So, while it's not "normal", of course it's not f*cked up either. But she probably needs help. Can you discuss going to a therapist?

Maybe she might be afraid of getting pregnant. Maybe she is still a virgin and is scared of having sex. It could be a number of things but if she doesn't want to have sex I don't see any problem.

You said that she could be f**cked up for not ever wanting sex? Have you considered the fact that a lot of people don't want sex at all and that is normal for them? It does not interest every person. But if the reason that she is afraid is the result of abuse (or simply because of that time you mentioned it was forced on her--that sounds like enough to me) then that still doesn't make her "f**cked up." I can't understand why you would consider using such terminology when this is your friend. It is incredibly offensive and insensitive.

Well, I was scared of my own for years, then again, it requires so much blood that I go anemic when I get an erection :cool:

Seriously, you can't blame the guy for trying - after all, they were in the act so to speak. But, he respected her decision of "no" and that was that. If he was looking only to get laid and never calls her back, that is the way of the world and most of us have been there and know how it can suck. If not, maybe he will help her if she has any issues. In the end, if she really freaked out beyond the usual "you pig put that back in," she should seek advice from a professional therapist as she may have deep rooted problems that need to be addressed from a medical perspective. I wish her luck.

BTW - hello Lux - I miss you.

What is your problem? Leave the conversation if you're just going to attack or flame me coz I came here with a question. With all the *inappropriate* threads on this board, don't single mine out when it is a real person with a real problem. No. I don't get you. I get you as being a judging person who is judging me. I get you as a hypocrite. Thanks for the **** you. Yep, that helps a lot.

Interestingly, were are biologically created to want sex - that is the norm. So, not to want it in general (not meaning with a specific person) and overall is abnormal from that vantage point.

But do you see the point she's trying to make? I believe it is the same as mine.

I don't think I agree with that, though obviously I haven't researched it or anything like that. I just think that it's as normal as homosexuality. If I met someone who was asexual, I wouldn't think of that any differently.

One more time. With all the inappropriate threads on this board, this is the one you're singling out? Maybe I should have said that it was a f**ked up situation. I don't know if the dude was wrong for doing what he did or if she needs some help with the way she acted when he did it. My question is: Is it normal to be afraid of sex? Is it something that's common? Why would somebody be afraid of it? Those were the questions I had and thanks to some of you who actually tried to answer the question without flaming me. To the others: I have nothing more to say.

I am not talking about actually having sex or what is done during it or what genders are involved. I am talking about inherent sex drive, which we, like all life, are built to have. We have glands that force us into it and without which we would have none.

As for this girl, she must have some sex drive as she clearly found this guy attractive enough to heavily pet with :shrug:

Yep, that's what I was trying to say. I might not be as good with words as some peeps but I think it's really being a hypocrite to judge me while telling me not to judge. Strand, thank you. You said what I was trying to.

How can you disagree with it? Humans are wired to want sex; they're sexual beings. It has nothing to do with heterosexuality and homosexuality, it has to do with sexuality. Those who are asexual in terms of lacking any sexual feelings are simply outside the norm. :shrug:

Again thank you! Is it ok if I just pm you with my questions from now on and you can word them for me? :xoxo:

I think it is, solely from a biological perspective, abnormal to be afraid of sex. We are built to yearn for it not freak out at that sight of a penis. So, from that point of view, if your friend really totally freaked out during heavy petting she could have a deep rooted mental and/or biological problem like intercourse is painful as Mary mentioned, she was assaulted, her hormones are not functioning properly, etc. I mean many men are terrified of sex if their foreskin is too tight to slide off of their glans and eschew all sex until it is corrected.

Well, I don't mean to single out your thread. I don't find the thread itself inappropriate, aside from the title and some of the wording. You wanting to understand your friend is understandable. :shrug: I just noticed it and felt like clicking on it because I had a few minutes on my hands. It wasn't like I set out to criticize you; that's not the case at all.

I'm thinking it's possible that something about this particular guy turned her off and that may be what was going on. Or she may actually be afraid of sex. There are many reasons for that. Some people are not ready, others have been abused, others are dealing with questions about their sexual orientation. I'm just speaking from my own personal experiences and from knowing others who have been through simliar things, and so there is probably much more than I know.

As for why I chose to respond the way I did, it's because your wording was so offensive. :shrug: I'm not going to get into how it made me feel and what I've been through personally because, hell, people around here know way too much about me as it is. It just struck me as particularly offensive and I felt compelled to say something. It's not intended to be some condemnation of you; I don't want you to take it personally and think I dislike you or anything of the sort. I just had a problem with something you said; that happens often enough with lots of Ledgies. :shrug:

only if we can booze it up during the sessions :laugh: :wavey:

Good point.

Personally, it just sounds to me like she has anxiety about actually going through with intercourse. She obviously finds men attractive and has some sort of sexual drive, like Jason said. I won't presume to know what goes on in her head that makes her uneasy about engaging in the act; it could be any number of things until she decides that she wants to open up to you about it.

That depends on the penis being exposed. :laugh:

Gawd, don't tempt me!

Maybe it was, like Dissention's, 12 inches x 9 inches and she went crazy at the thought :laugh:

obvious levity to lighten up the mood :wavey:

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But that is pretty much exactly what some groups of people say about homosexuals, it is not? We are wired to be attracted to the opposite sex, says biology. The organs fit together, etc. It is going against biology to prefer the same sex. I never bought that so of course I'm going to be loath to buy into this. Just as not all humans are heterosexual beings, I don't see why all humans have to be sexual beings.

Well, when I hand them the tweezers to masterbate me, it usually promotes peels of laughter and then a quick $100 out of pity. Hey - ya gotta work with what ya got :cool:

Dont know about that...
 

imagine that poor ol' confused Burger King lady walking into the restaurant after being flashed by a perv who wanted her to check out his "manly package", She could only mumble "Where's the Beef?"

That poor ol' granny, Saw a very tiny inch worm/vienna sausage and her brain was never the same...tsk, tsk, tsk.

I really like you.

Well, the argument "We are wired to be attracted to the opposite sex, says biology" is flawed in that we are wired only to want sex. With whom and what kind are a subset of that and nothing else. But, we are all wired to want sex of some kind.