What should I do/rant
 

Okay - so I'm been in Rochester for almost a year now.

I've met some nice people - there are a couple of girls I go to dinner with about once a week.

My problem? I REALLY REALLY DISLIKE one of them. Now - she's a very sweet girl - but she is not very bright - and she totally lacks common sense. She never has anything of value to contribute to conversations - mostly she sits there and nods - then states the obvious. Or she'll try to contribute by telling a story -and she'll laugh and laugh through the whole story - and I NEVER find them funny -they're really really stupid - like I don't even think my 6 year old nephew would find them funny.

I think she's got a learning disability of some sort because her ability to retain information is pretty much nil - she doesn't seem to be able to read too well - like she got a ticket once and was telling us and she said, "The instructions say i have to go down to the traffic 'boo-roo' " BOO-ROO - was actually Bureau. Ok - then we were eating at REd Lobster once and she ordered the admiral's platter - only she asked for the "add-MY-rals" platter. wtf.

Ok - anyway - her very pressence annoys the **** out of me. SEriously. And so lately I am just outright not nice to her - I correct her stupid statements etc....it's horrible.

BUT the other girl (who says she too is annoyed by this girl) doesn't want us to not go out - and i do like the other girl.

I'm at my wits end though. I tried to have a little gathering last weekend WITHOUT said girl - she called right before it and said, "I heard that you might be having something at your place- am I invited" ugh...she had already talked to our friend and I felt really bad saying no - so I said yes :rolleyes:

So it's not like she's outwardly doing anything to me - she's very nice and all that - she just makes me want to put sharp things in my eye.

How does one dump a friend? what should I do about this situation ?

I've tried taking a few weeks off from seeing her -but the minute I do all my rage comes back.

Oh my god, the bureau thing really made me laugh! Oh dear.

That is a very difficult situation. I've had to deal with people I don't like who just bring out the worst in me too, but luckily not so much in a social situation.

I wish I could be of more help Deanna, I have no clue, unless you and the other girl could arrange to meet independently of her and agree not to tell her.
It's so hard when you're trying to spare a person's feelings, I know.

Yeah - me and the other girl often do things on the weekend or whatever - without stupid girl - but she then finds out and seems all hurt. Ugh - I just CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!!!

I was just thrown over the line on Friday when she came to my house and has nothing but stupid obvious **** to spew. I mean imagine someone who the entire night say's things like "oh you have carpet" or "your dog is furry" or "it's cold in the freezer" what the hell...we watched a movie and she TOTALLY missed the point of it - and I let her know :laugh:

I hate being über bitch but it's like when she's around I just can't help myself!!

What makes it worse is that she is very sweet and it's more my issue with her than anything she is doing per se.

I hate situations like that. I would just ignore her, and eventually, she should get the hint.

If you are to the point where you cannot be civil and are bring rude by corecting her, etc. - and if she was friends with this group first and they like her, etc. - then you should walk away. Nobody wants to be alienated from their friends solely because a newcomer does not like them regardless of whether the newcomer is right or wrong.

I'm not a newcomer. We all met at the same time - and started hanging out at the same time.

I think I am going to have to walk away though - I mean - like I said - the other girl claims she can't stand this other girl too - but she does not seem to be as bad off as I am - she's better at tolerating her than I.

Also - I've tried just ignoring her - not taking her phone calls - not talking to her -she doesn't get this hint - she steps up efforts to talk to me.

Huh???
 

'boo-roo'? Sounds like something Scooby Doo would say :lol:

Maybe she does have a learning disability or some other type of challenge. That's very possible from what you described.

I realize being her friend can be exasperating, but if you and your other friend feel this way about her, then she's probably been dealing with these types of reactions from people her entire life.

The nicest thing you could do, might be to reach out to her more and make sure that she feels included. You never know how much it might mean to her to feel accepted.

that of course is a great idea, stew, but did you notice the part where deanna says the girl makes her want to stick sharp objects into her own eyes? That she can't stand her, that the girl is driving her absolutely nuts? that she can't help correcting the girl, and being rude? Does deanna strike you as a mean person? no. This girl would obviously try the patience of a rock.
good idea, though. Hey, maybe you should call the girl! :laugh:

Deanna's definitely not a mean person, and I completely understand that this girl sounds like she would try the patience of Mother Teresa.
But some people do need a little extra patience and understanding.

yes, they need it, but that doesn't mean everyone is equipped to provide it.

I think we can all be more nurturing if we want to. It's not so much a matter of not being equipped, but more a matter of not having the desire.
Though I'm not saying this is the case in Deanna's situation... not at all... I'm just speaking in generalities.

I suppose. But if we could, why wouldn't we? And, yeah, it seems like Deanna has tried.

*I think I just overdosed on sacharine reading this post. twitch.*

:laugh: I'm sorry but the above Stew/Amber exchange = giggles :D

The thing is - the fact that she can't help the way she is etc is what has made me feel SO bad about this whole thing.

I HAVE tried - every week I try - and I get myself to this place mentally where I think I'm all prepared and can handle it - then it all goes out the window when she opens her mouth.

Patience is not a virtue I was blessed with an abundance of - I admit that - but again, I've tried to be a friend - it worked briefly - I was doing ok - then I made the mistake of letting her dog/house sit - and that was just bad and now I just want to hurt her most of the time :distress: and I'm a believer in the whole "do unto others" so I hate that I get so bitchy around her...

I know I need to walk away - but I guess the fact that I enjoy the company of the other girl makes it all that much harder.

Can't the other girl go out with you and her separately?

Romy

I think sometimes we get too wrapped up in our own lives. It's actually pretty easy to be nice to someone, though it does take a little bit of extra effort... so I guess most people just don't want to be bothered. :shrug:

:laugh:

They used to call me "Mister Rogers" in school (well, among other things! :laugh: ), but I always took it as a compliment.

blergh. I use my extra effort just to be as nice as I am now. :laugh:
yeah, you're pretty sickening. ;) :xoxo: :laugh:

It takes all my extra effort not to yell at her and call her names ...maybe I'm evil - I sure as hell feel that way - especially is she has a disorder....but like Amber said - and I wholeheartedly agree - not all of us are equipped to handle people like that :shrug:

That's why there aren't more special ed teachers in the world - I have nothing against anyone with any disorders or disabilities - my grandma was a special ed teacher as is a good friend of mine and I've learned since I was little to respect everyone...

But this girl really triggers something in me....and I do feel totally and completely evil for disliking her so much. :distress:

It's very sweet that it concerns you so much, and that you want to do the right thing. Most people wouldn't care at all.

Do you think maybe a little time away from her might help? Or maybe trying to just smile and respond politely when she says something daft, and reminding yourself not to let it get to you?

I know it's so much easier to say when you're not in the middle of the situation though.

I have seriously tried both of those things :o I think that after posting the initial post - and just getting this all out has made me see that I Just need to say goodbye to our weekly dinners and then just go out with th egirl I like once in a while.

The other girl has said she dreads getting stuck alone with the other one too...ugh - I don't know.

Oh man...
 

I agree, Deanna, it's nice you feel bad. Maybe you could slowly but politely drift away. Oh, wait, you tried that. She hunted you down like a rabbit. :laugh:
There seems to be no answer. I just hope one day you don't blow your top and rip her a new one. :distress: Good luck! It's funny that she's so persistent, and so blind to your efforts to not be her friend. Heeey, wait a minute....isn't that kind of rude of her??? :laugh:

I was pretty much tortured throughout my grade school and high school years, so I guess I'm just extra-sensitive to the feelings of "outsiders."

Though don't think for a minute that I don't ever get irritated or lose my patience when dealing with people. Patience issues are something I'm always working on.

You're most definitely not evil. The fact that you've made an effort at all speaks volumes. :xoxo:

awww....yeah, that's nice. Sorry you were tortured. I nipped that sh** in the bud whenever it started. :)

Christy LMAO!!!! You let her sit on your porch for an hour - that? is hilarious and totally something I would do :laugh:

Anyway - yeah - she did stop calling me - but she randomly started again this last weekend - so now I just never answer my phone - and she doesn't leave messages - she just calls every five minutes and I get annoyed. ugh.

Yeah - I think I will just have to stop going to dinner - simple as that - yet I think I needed to get some of this out - since I haven't purged all of this to the girl I like for fear that she'll find me evil - we've talked about our annoyances of other girl but mostly on a superficial level...oh well.

I try to be very aware to the plight of outsiders - I got my fair share of torture - mostly in middle school...and it was hell- and I've befriended outsiders in the past who have turned out to be amazing friends - I just don't think I have it in my to take this girl in :distress:

Christy... I think we've ALL done something like that at least once in our lives.

That actually reminds of a funny story....
I had a friend whose daughter would eat dinner at home, then arrive at my house just in time to invite herself in and join US for dinner, too. Sometimes she'd even have the gall to say, "I really don't like that," in regards to what we were eating... but she'd dig in anyway!

We then found out that after she'd leave here, she'd visit ANOTHER friend's home, and eat there, too!!

Well, we got wise, and for one week we made our dinner early each night and ate downstairs in the den. She'd knock on the front door. Knock on the back door. Peer into the windows (according to our neighbor). Leave. Come back a a little later, and do it all over again. And then eventually go on to the other friend's house.

We felt horrible for doing it, but it seemed to be the only way to break her of her little Mooch-A-Meal habit.
And it worked!

:lol: :laugh:
what I don't understand is how she could eat so much! And when I was little, dinner was always my least favorite meal, too. How weird. :laugh:

I was too meek and submissive back then to put a stop to anything. Plus I was embarrassed by it all, and didn't want my parents to know what was going on.

I don't regret any of it though, because I grew from it... but I'd definitely handle things MUCH differently these days.

Anyway, this isn't about me. I was just trying to make the point that you never know what's going on in someone's life, or what they've been through in the past, and sometimes people just require a little bit of extra patience or compassion.

Bwah!!
 

She's not a skinny girl, but she's not huge either.
She could pack away the food though, that's for sure!

Come to think of it, maybe I should have let her continue eating here... I'm better off not having "seconds" anyway! :@)

I know.

Thank the stars I'm not diabetic, Le Stew. :p :laugh:

Will you marry me?

I'm going to have to start handing out free Glucophage tablets whenever I post, aren't I? :o :laugh:

:laugh: :laugh:

in that case....as long as we're proposing....

Will you marry me? :laugh:

Sure I will!
Plus, I'll get to be the first guy to ever have three wives AND a husband! :laugh:

*sigh* and once again - always the bridesmaid.....







:laugh:

Aw, come on, Deanna... for you, I'd be more than happy to make it FOUR wives and a husband! :xoxo:

We might even get our own reality series out of it!!!

She ordered the Admiral's Platter at Red Lobster?! :eek: Kick her to the curb!! :nod:

:blob1: OK!! Yea! Lucky number 4 :laugh:


:laugh: :laugh: Okay - I'll take that advice ;)