Meth

[DavidMn]

I've personally seen this drug ruin 3 of my friends lives, and my boyfriend Derek used to be in treatment for it. I told him when I met him if I ever caught him using it again, I was outta there. Thankfully he's kept himself clean ever since.:) This drug is just a terrible plague on soceity, and I hope anyone that has a problem with it can get the help they need.

[amber]

It's true, I've seen shows on how the plague is growing. It's so sad. I have a friend who's husband etc. It hasn't touched me, really, but it's fricking disgusting. :distress: My dad tells me stories of people in his mill who are doing it, and how they'll be fired any second for f*cking up. It's so cheap to make, and so potent. I don't really understand the allure, especially beyond casual use. I haven't read the stats on how addictive or not it is - I would think more addictive than coke, less than crack. I tried it once on accident (I know, on accident sounds stupid, but i thought it was something else. Which is bad, but this is years ago. Also, it's not as bad because I never had any kind of drug problem. Aside from the cigs.)
I hope someone can find a solution for this epidemic, though, because it is bileous. Talk about an empty life. Plus, doesn't it make your weiner not work after a while? Who the hell wants that? Not me. :distress: (not that I have one, I just wouldn't want to meet one that didn't work).

[DavidMn]

It's true, I've seen shows on how the plague is growing. It's so sad. I have a friend who's husband etc. It hasn't touched me, really, but it's fricking disgusting. :distress: My dad tells me stories of people in his mill who are doing it, and how they'll be fired any second for f*cking up. It's so cheap to make, and so potent. I don't really understand the allure, especially beyond casual use. I haven't read the stats on how addictive or not it is - I would think more addictive than coke, less than crack. I tried it once on accident (I know, on accident sounds stupid, but i thought it was something else. Which is bad, but this is years ago. Also, it's not as bad because I never had any kind of drug problem. Aside from the cigs.)
I hope someone can find a solution for this epidemic, though, because it is bileous. Talk about an empty life. Plus, doesn't it make your weiner not work after a while? Who the hell wants that? Not me. :distress: (not that I have one, I just wouldn't want to meet one that didn't work).I'm no doctor, but I've heard it can make you impotent. It kills brain cells and the 3 people I mentioned are all pretty much unable to function in soceity these because of it. Also from what I've observed, it's especially prevalent in the gay community. It's supposed to supress your appetite making it easy to loase wwight, and I know this one drag queen that specifically used it to lose weight so they could look better performing.

[Rickypt]

I am one of the lucky ones that was able to beat addiction. I hear the relapse rate is sky high.

There is nothing positive about meth and the risk of addiction is too high for anyone to consider trying it.

[DavidMn]

I am one of the lucky ones that was able to beat addiction. I hear the relapse rate is sky high.

There is nothing positive about meth and the risk of addiction is too high for anyone to consider trying it.I'm happy for you that you were able to beat it. Thank god for that.:nod:

[Rickypt]

Also from what I've observed, it's especially prevalent in the gay community. It's supposed to supress your appetite making it easy to loase wwight, and I know this one drag queen that specifically used it to lose weight so they could look better performing.

On one level the argument is that it is prevalent among gay men because it has sexual potency, but I think the real reason is because of untreated depression and overcoming isolation.

[Rickypt]

I'm happy for you that you were able to beat it. Thank god for that.:nod:

There's some good programs in SF, but you also have to decide that you're going to do whatever it takes to beat it. For me, in addition to treating depression, it meant eliminating anything and anyone that could cause a relapse. So I cut off all contact with people who were a link to it and there are some places I can never go to again.

[DavidMn]

On one level the argument is that it is prevalent among gay men because it has sexual potency, but I think the real reason is because of untreated depression and overcoming isolation.That's very interesting. See I would never sit in judgement of anyone that has or has had a problem with this because I deal with depression daily, and like people that have a drug problem, some people are just unwilling to understand it, and look at people like they're some kind of loser.:distress: I gave Derek the benefit of the doubt. He didnt even tell me he had used meth until we were together for about 3 months because he was afraid that I would leave if I found out. I just told him not to do it again.

[amber]

I am one of the lucky ones that was able to beat addiction. I hear the relapse rate is sky high.

There is nothing positive about meth and the risk of addiction is too high for anyone to consider trying it.

I'm very happy for you. What would we do without you? :xoxo: Can you shed any insight into it? Like, how addictive would you consider it to be? What was it's biggest draw to you? Do you have an addictive personality by nature? Did you wish you could quit all the while still doing it?
I hope that's not to personal, I'm just curious about the nature of the addiction. Because I like to try to solve social problems in my head.
I remember that one time I was hella pissed that I couldn't sleep and had to go to work. But, that night I also wrote an erotic story. I don't write, normally. And certainly not erotic stories. It was an interesting experience. I guess your sexual potency theory stands, but what about the weiner not working? Did I make that up? It must be more addictive than I theorized, because it makes people look ugly eventually, and what gay man would want that? Or most people, really.

I can't decide if I don't have a very addictive personality, or if I'm just too poor to have become addicted to much.:laugh: There was one week in July about 6 years ago that I really wanted more coke, but it passed. I was unemployed at the time, so there was the boredom factor. But then, I couldn't afford more.

However, every time (which was hardly ever. And I mean, hardly ever) I did some kind of nasty nose drug, I always felt icky and blucky and like I was lame afterwords. I felt immediately that I was sending my life down the tubes, that what I did was the sure road to ruin, and that in those moments I had officially become a low life. I think I have a natural sense of wanting to be healthy, and knowing that is the best thing. I mean, I was a vegan, and always enjoyed feeling healthy and strong, thank goodness. And exercise is the pinnacle of awesome funness to me.

It's a good foundation, but I suspect others either have it, or don't. Those that do often never try bad drugs, and those that don't get caught up. so I feel blessed. Blessed that i tried bad things, but they never took hold (except ciggies and drinkies, to some extent).
Anyway. :rolleyes:

[Rickypt]

I'm very happy for you. What would we do without you? :xoxo: Can you shed any insight into it?

Thank you! Yes, I will write more about it and answer your questions, but it'll be tomorrow.

[DavidMn]

Thank you! Yes, I will write more about it and answer your questions, but it'll be tomorrow.You know, I'm also glad you were able to beat it because you obviously have a strong dedication to the AIDS issue, and I think god or whomever you believe in had plans for you.:cool:

[jannieC]

My husband lived with a guy in rehab who was there because of meth. He actually HAD to be in rehab because he had been busted about having a meth lab. Anyway, after SIX months in rehab, this guy went right back to his addiction and lost everything. Ended up in in jail etc. It's so horrible. My husband's thing was NOT speed- I don't know which is worse.

Rickypt, I want to congratulate you on getting off drugs. I know how hard you've worked. I look forward to hearing your story. xoxoxo

[DavidMn]

Another terrible thing about Meth is that the stuff they use to make it can be highly explosive. I've heard stories about meth labs that blew up th/at literally blew up the entire house and sometimes homes around it.

[GODDESS6]

this drug sucks, i have lost 3 family members to using it & my uncle now lives under a bridge becuz that is all he wants to do, is meth~ recently my neighbors were raided, now the wife is a school teacher & he a mechanic~ we live in an upscale neighborhood & it does really affect every economic range~ my neighbors have just been recently sentenced & the wife got 1 yr for possession & her husband 5-10 for dealing~ i just shake my head, you never know who is living right next to you, these people don't look like the poster children for meth, quite the opposite~ it is just a very sad thing to me~
i would never do it~
& rickypt, congrats to kicking the habit!!!:nod: ~

it is also sad that it is so prevelant that my 7 yr old asked "what is meth mommy?" & wonders why the police took his neighbor away~ i just told him the truth~

[amber]

My husband lived with a guy in rehab who was there because of meth. He actually HAD to be in rehab because he had been busted about having a meth lab. Anyway, after SIX months in rehab, this guy went right back to his addiction and lost everything. Ended up in in jail etc. It's so horrible. My husband's thing was NOT speed- I don't know which is worse.

Rickypt, I want to congratulate you on getting off drugs. I know how hard you've worked. I look forward to hearing your story. xoxoxo

That is awesome your husband is doing well. See, that is what I don't understand as much is the relapse. If your physical body is no longer addicted, I can't imagine your mind wanting to take it up again. I guess I mean specifically with something so nasty. I'm sure we've all quit smoking and relapsed. I dunno, maybe in that way it is understandable, but I personally don't understand it with the nastier drugs. Although, just like with anything else, I'm sure someone's social structure can play a big part in relapse. I drink and smoke on occasion with friends. :shrug:
Ryan said he had to cut off from all his old friend/places - that is probably a huge part of it, and it can be hard to not hang out with friends. It sucks being lonely, or alone. And I have noticed that most people are not good at being alone. I have noticed this in relation to myself, I am very good at being alone, so that factor doesn't bother me too much. Thank goodness. But most other people I know - I am suprised at their inability to be alone, or amuse themselves when they are alone. Which is natural, as a human - I'm probably the weird one - but still I can see that it sucks for most people. :(
Which randomly reminded me of a song I love "I am a rock, I am an Iiiiiiiiisland" :p I haven't decided yet whether it's better to be like me, or to be like most other people. I know that I would never trade having company for doing things I don't like to do. At least not for long, and I never have. Thus, my 20,000 posts!!!!! :laugh: Seriously, though, I'll leave parties and walk home if I'm bored. I'll be thinking "I have a book that is way more interesting than any of these people!" Or I'll think "I could be singing a great song I've sung a million times before, right now! Instead, I'm talking to this lamo!" :laugh: I know, I know, I'm a bad person...A bad person with subpar social skills...:cool: :lol:
Don't get me wrong, I love talking to other people - but only people i like, people who are interesting and funny, like the people here on the ledge. Sadly and regrettably, I can't be bothered with the "others". I've tried, but I'm not the most stellar "faker of emotions". :laugh:

[amber]

this drug sucks, i have lost 3 family members to using it & my uncle now lives under a bridge becuz that is all he wants to do, is meth~ recently my neighbors were raided, now the wife is a school teacher & he a mechanic~ we live in an upscale neighborhood & it does really affect every economic range~ my neighbors have just been recently sentenced & the wife got 1 yr for possession & her husband 5-10 for dealing~ i just shake my head, you never know who is living right next to you, these people don't look like the poster children for meth, quite the opposite~ it is just a very sad thing to me~
i would never do it~
& rickypt, congrats to kicking the habit!!!:nod: ~

it is also sad that it is so prevelant that my 7 yr old asked "what is meth mommy?" & wonders why the police took his neighbor away~ i just told him the truth~
Awww. That is so sad. I've heard the midwest is a hotbed, too. I think it's great you told your son about it - he may be faced with it sooner than you think. It sucks that your neighbor was cooking it! :shocked:

[GODDESS6]

Awww. That is so sad. I've heard the midwest is a hotbed, too. I think it's great you told your son about it - he may be faced with it sooner than you think. It sucks that your neighbor was cooking it! :shocked:
it is awful here & also the more potent meth called ice~ there are so many meth related crimes here it is ridiculous~ we have had tons of meth-related explosions & to think that my neighbor was not only cooking it, but his wife an elementary school teacher~ their home looked immaculate , they were so not the people you would think would be doing it, & you shoulda seen the raid, it looked straight out of an episode of "cops", k-9 was here & like 11 police vehicles, the evidence lab, all the news stations & newspapers & cps (they were watching their grand-daughter:distress: :distress: :distress: )since then i found out that they DO NOT drug test the teachers here, becuz of some ruling in the teacher's union~ thank god it is being looked at & overturned, the world is bad enuf, i don't need to worry on top of everything else that a "tweaker" is teaching & watching over my child~

[strandinthewind]

I have seen that drug and coke destroy people. It sickens me. I mean I will drink and party until dawn, but I will not touch any drugs. I know liquor is a drug, but it aint crack, Meth, etc.

So, when I see people pull that shiitte out, I just walk out of the room - period.

[amber]

it is awful here & also the more potent meth called ice~ there are so many meth related crimes here it is ridiculous~ we have had tons of meth-related explosions & to think that my neighbor was not only cooking it, but his wife an elementary school teacher~ their home looked immaculate , they were so not the people you would think would be doing it, & you shoulda seen the raid, it looked straight out of an episode of "cops", k-9 was here & like 11 police vehicles, the evidence lab, all the news stations & newspapers & cps (they were watching their grand-daughter:distress: :distress: :distress: )since then i found out that they DO NOT drug test the teachers here, becuz of some ruling in the teacher's union~ thank god it is being looked at & overturned, the world is bad enuf, i don't need to worry on top of everything else that a "tweaker" is teaching & watching over my child~
:eek: :eek:
I guess it's good they got caught....Sad, though, very sad. :distress:


Strand - amazing! I'm suprised you've resisted all that. Plus, there's the joke about lawyers being on coke...a cliche, now, really...and never mind rich kid lawyers! :laugh: :xoxo:

[Nixxxed]

Meth is a scourge.

I don't understand its appeal, physiologically speaking. I do understand the other factors tho - it's cheap, easy to get, relatively simple to make, can be taken by several different methods, easy to conceal, and a little goes a long way (unlike other stimulants).

I too have several friends who have had/are currently having a problem with it. I'm increasingly afraid for one in particular. It sucks...

[JazmenFlowers]

I agree with Ryan that I was able to get/keep myself out of the drug realm when I decided I to. I am so glad I did too. I have seen way too many HBO specials that scare the bejesus out of me.

There was a coke house 4 houses from me about 6 months ago...no one knew it...in a suburban, mostly white neighborhood...not the stereotypical place, or what people perceive is the stereotype. I only found out because it was on the news.

[strandinthewind]

. . . Strand - amazing! I'm suprised you've resisted all that. Plus, there's the joke about lawyers being on coke...a cliche, now, really...and never mind rich kid lawyers! :laugh: :xoxo:

I did X in the 80's (about a year - hey it was college :shrug: ) and coke a handful of times in the 80's. I smoked pot like five times in the 90's and a handful of times in the 80's. I just did and do not like the effect of drugs like that. I get that alcohol is a drug, but at least you can pass out on it as opposed to lying there clenching your teeth in some false euphoria. I also had a bad down trip on X at a biker bar (I have lived one helluva life :laugh: ) in the French Quarter and that was it for me. It made the down REALLY bad. Also, you may feel like shiitte the next day after a lushy night (cough Vegas cough) - but go run a few miles and you sweat it out. Hard drugs are not like that.

[amber]

I agree with Ryan that I was able to get/keep myself out of the drug realm when I decided I to. I am so glad I did too. I have seen way too many HBO specials that scare the bejesus out of me.

There was a coke house 4 houses from me about 6 months ago...no one knew it...in a suburban, mostly white neighborhood...not the stereotypical place, or what people perceive is the stereotype. I only found out because it was on the news.

coke...house? Hmm. That actually makes sense to me, because white, suburban people are the ones who can afford coke. Just saying. :shrug:
Glad you steered clear, love. :xoxo: We couldn't do without you, either. :nod:

[amber]

I did X in the 80's (about a year - hey it was college :shrug: ) and coke a handful of times in the 80's. I smoked pot like five times in the 90's and a handful of times in the 80's. I just did and do not like the effect of drugs like that. I get that alcohol is a drug, but at least you can pass out on it as opposed to lying there clenching your teeth in some false euphoria. I also had a bad down trip on X at a biker bar (I have lived one helluva life :laugh: ) in the French Quarter and that was it for me. It made the down REALLY bad. Also, you may feel like shiitte the next day after a lushy night (cough Vegas cough) - but go run a few miles and you sweat it out. Hard drugs are not like that.
That is very interesting. I figured you had tried it. I had a really bad trip on X, too - first time I tried it - had an anxiety attack the whole week after! Never did it again.
But, I admire you steered clear, because with your liquor intake...well, I'll be honest...nothing caps off a night of too much indulgence like a little bump to give you energy. :shrug:
And I'm saying that because, to me, liquor is a less than ideal drug...but I have to go with you on the fact of not liking the effect of the others - it's ghastly to not be able to sleep, and have your mind spinning and spinning - you must hate that as much as I, I can only imagine the spinning your mind must do! :laugh: :laugh: Though, to be honest, coke is mild for that - you actually can sleep - as opposed to meth. Drinking affects my blood sugar in a less than desireable way, but it is nice to sleep.
I still (perhaps erroneously) tend to commend you in my mind for not getting all caught up, when you well could have. (with your income and all). :xoxo: (Is that dorky? Probably. But I love my Strand).

[strandinthewind]

Commend me all you like - I commend myself for it :nod:

It just really never appeaed to me. I mean I had that one wild year in college (it was really a long Summer) and that was it for the hard stuff. But, I will say this - it was on FUN FUKCING SUMMER :laugh:

What really turned me from it was I saw what it was doing to my friends - all the whispering around me and lies told to me by addicts either/or for me to pay for it or to hide the fact that they were doing so much of it. I stunned me actually. I mean I could give a rat's a$$ who sees me drinking. But, hard drugs are different. They make people shifty and if you are not on them, you do not exist.

I used to do a bunch of perscription drugs - mainly Ambien (I have a hard time sleeping and sometimes sleep only two or so hours a night) - But, I pretty much stopped that. I also took pain killers for awhile because of my bad knee and back - but those are some scary shiitte - we were never made to feel that good :laugh:

[amber]

What really turned me from it was I saw what it was doing to my friends - all the whispering around me and lies told to me by addicts either/or for me to pay for it or to hide the fact that they were doing so much of it. I stunned me actually. I mean I could give a rat's a$$ who sees me drinking. But, hard drugs are different. They make people shifty and if you are not on them, you do not exist.



:nod: that's the "gross factor" that makes it clear.

[JazmenFlowers]

coke...house? Hmm. That actually makes sense to me, because white, suburban people are the ones who can afford coke. Just saying. :shrug:
Glad you steered clear, love. :xoxo: We couldn't do without you, either. :nod:
right. that's exactly my point.

and thanks love. I often wonder where I'd be if I had stuck in that world.

[amber]

right. that's exactly my point.

and thanks love. I often wonder where I'd be if I had stuck in that world.
:xoxo:
You'd be lame, and hella poor! Gack! :mad:

[Red]

Never done more than pot. Oh yeah, cigs and drinks. Okay, mushrooms a couple of times in college too, I'm not proud okay?

But the hard sh*t? Never understood the appeal. There's an area not too far from where I live where there are meth heads everywhere. It's so identifiable, that weird, boneless body, rubbery walk, glazed eyes, twitchy and buggy. Yeah, that's sexy. What makes a person start?

Remember Stephanie from Full House? Those that read perezhilton.com, or read People will remember she had a pretty severe addiction, and this is a girl who can't claim a life of never having a chance or a way out. Don't get it.:distress:

[carrie721]

Meth is horrible ... I have a friend who's into it and has been getting really bad lately. He's also into other stuff like coke and prescription drugs (and alcohol), and because of his recent steep decline, I've basically pulled out of his life. It sucks.

I have close to no personal experience with drugs, so most of my knowledge is from documentaries, which I suppose you could say I'm addicted to (heh). I've smoked pot twice and I hate the smell, taste, and effects of it. I actually don't consider pot a "drug" in the vein of coke, meth, heroin, etc, but if I didn't like the effects of pot, I doubt I'm going to like the rest of them.

Does anyone here watch Intervention on A&E? That show makes me cry every time. Every. Time. The episode they showed on Sunday had me bawling like a baby. I think it's the best one I've ever seen.

Amber - you're right about the midwest. Portage County, where I live, has an inordinately high number of meth labs and they keep blowing up, and people keep getting killed because of shady dealings. The drug lifestyle is a dangerous one.

Anyway, this is a totally rambling and pointless post ... I was in a car for 15+ hours today, so I'm a little delirious. :lol:

[DavidMn]

I dont know how I did it, but I've been able to avoid drugs completely my whole life. Never touched em. I know it makes it hard for me to empathize with those that have had a problem, but I try.:o

[skcin]

Back in the early 90's, you could only get meth in bigger cities. Thank God for that, because the main reason my husband had to stop doing it is that he couldn't get it here. In the Navy (he was stationed in San Diego) they all did it to stay awake when they were on watch. DO NOT get me started on the military - it seems like everyone's on drugs & nobody thinks this is a problem. Anyway, when he got out, he didn't need to stay up all night anymore, but I'm sure he would have kept using anyway had he been able to get some meth. :( He hasn't touched it in 12 years.

I've never done anything heavier than pot, drugs scare the **** out of me. And I don't smoke pot anymore because I don't like it anymore. The last 2 times I got high I got sick. So screw that. If I want to get sick, I'll drink too much. Cheaper & legal. :D

[DavidMn]

Back in the early 90's, you could only get meth in bigger cities. Thank God for that, because the main reason my husband had to stop doing it is that he couldn't get it here. In the Navy (he was stationed in San Diego) they all did it to stay awake when they were on watch. DO NOT get me started on the military - it seems like everyone's on drugs & nobody thinks this is a problem. Anyway, when he got out, he didn't need to stay up all night anymore, but I'm sure he would have kept using anyway had he been able to get some meth. :( He hasn't touched it in 12 years.

I've never done anything heavier than pot, drugs scare the **** out of me. And I don't smoke pot anymore because I don't like it anymore. The last 2 times I got high I got sick. So screw that. If I want to get sick, I'll drink too much. Cheaper & legal. :DGood for you. Speaking of big cities and such, it's really exploded into rural areas in the last few years.

[jannieC]

I've never done anything heavier than pot, drugs scare the **** out of me. And I don't smoke pot anymore because I don't like it anymore. The last 2 times I got high I got sick. So screw that. If I want to get sick, I'll drink too much. Cheaper & legal. :D

I have tried a few things but never became addicted , thank GOD. I had a few "issues" with cocaine for about a year (working and going to school full-time both) but thankfully I was able to get away from it unscathed. I actually would smoke pot now, but I'm supporting my husband being drug free. I wouldn't feel right smoking weed even though that wasn't his thing. Plus, I am raising a 12 year old boy and getting ready to go to graduate school. I like my brain cells, thanks!

[amber]

I like my brain cells, thanks!

Mine just bug. They're pretty inconvenient, actually. :laugh:

[Rickypt]

Ian you shed any insight into it? Like, how addictive would you consider it to be? What was it's biggest draw to you? Do you have an addictive personality by nature? Did you wish you could quit all the while still doing it?


Okay, might take a few posts here.

I first did meth in July, 1996. I went to San Diego with a good friend for gay pride and she turned me on to it. I had no idea what to expect, what was in it, or what the side effects would be. With one little snort, I felt like I was on the moon. I felt energetic and attractive, danced all night and flirted with boys which I never do. That's because meth causes your brain to release a flood of dopamine. It basically makes you feel happier than you should naturally.

After that, I used the drug on a fairly casual basis for about 5 years. I'd say once every 1 or 2 months. I would mainly do it to have energy for going out (with the same friend who turned me on to it) and I justified it by telling myself that I work hard and deserve an "escape".

In early 2001, my partner was diagnosed with cancer and I stopped for the next 6 months. Even though I was able to stop, I thought about it every day.

I did it again five days after he died, foolishingly thinking it would take my mind off the pain for a while. It did for about 12 hours but then I had the worst crash of my life. While meth floods your brain with dopamine, the result is that when it wears off, you are left with less than normal level of dopamine. So the crash is just as intense, if not worse, than the high.

The day of this crash just happened to be 9/11, so here I was a week after my partner died, having a severe crash, and trying to absorb this new tragedy. I swore that day I would never do meth again.

I stayed off it for 9 months. I wasn't addicted at that time and it was quite easy. Then one day I thought "I'd like to do a little bit just for fun." I walked into my old hangout, bought from my old dealer, and that led to a mess.

I started doing it monthly, then every couple of weeks, then weekly, to twice a week, to doing a small bit every morning like a cup of coffee. Unlike my casual use, which was about going out and being more social than usual, it became a very isolating drug for me. I would stay inside all weekend and either surf the web for 36 hours straight, or do stupid little projects at home that never got finished because you can't focus on the drug.

This lasted for a little over two years. About a year into it, I finally realized I had a problem. My work was suffering, my appearance was changing (looked very haggard), I couldn't exercise, and my eating habits were horrible. I would go two days without eating anything and then craved fast food after the crash, so I actually gained weight on the stuff.

It hit the point where I was either high, crashing, or getting excited thinking about the next high. That is a very pathetic place to be. For a year, I tried (not very hard) to quit by setting goals. I told myself to go a calendar month without using and I never came close.

I don't know if there's a word limit on posts so I'll start another one. Probably not interesting to many and probably too much information, but it's hard to answer basic questions without giving some background.

[Rickypt]

I often wonder where I'd be if I had stuck in that world.

Nowhere good.

Glad you got out.

[Rickypt]

Okay, so I finally realized I was addicted. To answer amber's question, I do have an addictive personality and addiction/alcoholism runs throughout my family. So it is probably not everyone would have gotten to the same place with the drug.

One day I blurted out to my therapist that I had a drug problem. My shame around the meth use had been so strong that I had never even told my shrink. He was able to refer me to an excellent outpatient program in SF that is a combo of individual counseling and support groups.

I walked in almost two years ago and haven't used since. I give the place a lot of credit, but I think simply by admitting the problem and agreeing to a program I was finally signing a contract with myself.

The hardest part for me wasn't about not using or dealing with the strong cravings, but doing the work to understand why I got addicted in the first place. It is all obvious now, I was trying to kill the pain of grief and fill the loneliness. It was much better to spend a weekend high than to deal with the fact that I was widowed and alone for the first time in years.

Recovery was kind of a triple whammy. There was the basic challenge of not using, then dealing with the fact that I had interrupted the grieving process by using and needed to complete it, and finally dealing with depleted levels of dopamine. It takes about a year after quitting before your brain can get back to normal.

As I wrote before, quitting meant cutting off all ties and connections to the drug. That meant ending "friendships" (any relationship built on drugs isn't really a friendship) and acknowledging that there are certain places I can never go again.

The first six months, I had a lot of cravings but now it's extremely rare. When I do, I just remember how awful I felt during crashes and how I know one slip could lead to the same mess. That pretty much does it.

I don't usually have a hard line on drugs, but I can't stress enough that there is nothing positive about meth. Even when I used it casually, I can look back and see that it had a bit of a hold on me and caused problems in my relationship. And during the years of addiction, I can't think of one good thing about my life. I didn't read one book, rarely hung out with friends or enjoyed a sunny day.

A sad ending note, the friend who turned me on to meth wound up extremely hooked (along with other major problems) and killed herself two years ago. Like I said, there is nothing good about this drug and too many chances it will cause major damage to your life, if not destroy it.

[GODDESS6]

wow, thanx for sharing, that was real powerful & congrats on kicking it~ & may your friend...R.I.P.:angel: ~

[sparky]

I don't usually have a hard line on drugs, but I can't stress enough that there is nothing positive about meth. Even when I used it casually, I can look back and see that it had a bit of a hold on me and caused problems in my relationship. And during the years of addiction, I can't think of one good thing about my life. I didn't read one book, rarely hung out with friends or enjoyed a sunny day.

Nothing positive at all. It took balls to tell this story. Kudos on that and on quitting. I believe meth has the highest recidivism rate of any known drug.

I know people who have done it twice and been addicted. It is so prevalent in the gay community it is either the first or second question I ask someone if I want to date them or have sex with them. I read a shocking thing the other day that said among homos who use meth, the HIV rate rises 400-600%, and that among habitual users, almost 90% are eventually infected. Horrifying.

[JazmenFlowers]

Okay, so I finally realized I was addicted.
dude you are awesome. and I'm sorry you had to lose a friend like that.

[Rickypt]

. I guess your sexual potency theory stands, but what about the weiner not working? Did I make that up?

I don't think I really answered your questions in my long story.

I never used meth for sex, although there is no question that it increases the libido. Not sure how graphic I can get on this board. The weiner thing is true, but a lot of gay men who do meth use Viagra and remember that only one guy has to worry about the weiner and meth is very popular among the guys who don't.

And you asked what it's biggest attraction was to me. It is simply that for several hours after doing it I felt happier than normal, more attractive than normal, and more outgoing than normal. It's all a facade. Now I'm content with finding happiness naturally.

[Rickypt]

Thank you sparky, jazmen, goddess.

There's something cool about writing the story in its entirety and realizing it is a finished story

[DavidMn]

Thank you sparky, jazmen, goddess.

There's something cool about writing the story in its entirety and realizing it is a finished storyWHat a man you are. I stand and salute you sir.:)

[GarboSpeaks!]

I was into this stuff for a good short while. Granted it's been a good, LONGER while since I've had any, but I had a blast. This is NOT TO CONDONE it, just I never got the "addiction" aspect of anything, much less meth. In highschool, I was friggin Barb Bush, "just saying no" to anything. Cigs, booze, ANYTHING. Then at about 18 I started hanging w/ people that did a variety of things. Then to turn 21, I moved to SF. That's where things went weird. Friends started giving my "black beauties" (legal meth) and then it just escalated. I was so frightenend. I though OMG, I'd NEVER do hard stuff. And hard stuff to me was coke, needles, etc. I'll neither confirm nor deny how far I got into the life, but I will say when party time was over, it was over. And it was that simple. I just literally got tired of it.
I'm not being snarky, holier than thou, nothing, it's just that's how it happened for me. I saw few people in my "group" of non-friends (quit the shiite....loose a butt load of people you know) declining, but maybe that's cause i stopped when I did. Meth users who were whack beyond recognition, were also into many other drugs, so I couldn't pin meth as being the culprit. AGAIN, NOT to say that plenty of people don't die or have long term issues w/ the stuff. It breaks my heart, but as an addictive drug, I just don't get it. I think it's more addictive personalities, and trust me, I come from a long line of addictive personalities. Reading this slays me, cause I didn't realize it really did take so many good people away. Chances are I'd be dismayed to find out that not to many of those "friends" I once had didn't make it, but I am both grateful to have come out of this unscathed, and NOT to have seen someone I cared about loose their life to it :( My thoughts are w/ those that have had these horrible events happen. I hope any other readers seeing this that maybe are in this place find enlightment from all posts. There is party time/experiment/get a little reckless, then there is WAKE UP...STOP, you are hurting yourself and those around you!

[DavidMn]

I was into this stuff for a good short while. Granted it's been a good, LONGER while since I've had any, but I had a blast. This is NOT TO CONDONE it, just I never got the "addiction" aspect of anything, much less meth. In highschool, I was friggin Barb Bush, "just saying no" to anything. Cigs, booze, ANYTHING. Then at about 18 I started hanging w/ people that did a variety of things. Then to turn 21, I moved to SF. That's where things went weird. Friends started giving my "black beauties" (legal meth) and then it just escalated. I was so frightenend. I though OMG, I'd NEVER do hard stuff. And hard stuff to me was coke, needles, etc. I'll neither confirm nor deny how far I got into the life, but I will say when party time was over, it was over. And it was that simple. I just literally got tired of it.
I'm not being snarky, holier than thou, nothing, it's just that's how it happened for me. I saw few people in my "group" of non-friends (quit the shiite....loose a butt load of people you know) declining, but maybe that's cause i stopped when I did. Meth users who were whack beyond recognition, were also into many other drugs, so I couldn't pin meth as being the culprit. AGAIN, NOT to say that plenty of people don't die or have long term issues w/ the stuff. It breaks my heart, but as an addictive drug, I just don't get it. I think it's more addictive personalities, and trust me, I come from a long line of addictive personalities. Reading this slays me, cause I didn't realize it really did take so many good people away. Chances are I'd be dismayed to find out that not to many of those "friends" I once had didn't make it, but I am both grateful to have come out of this unscathed, and NOT to have seen someone I cared about loose their life to it :( My thoughts are w/ those that have had these horrible events happen. I hope any other readers seeing this that maybe are in this place find enlightment from all posts. There is party time/experiment/get a little reckless, then there is WAKE UP...STOP, you are hurting yourself and those around you!Well stated Anita.:thumbsup:

[BombaySapphire3]

The thing that bewilders me is how widespread meth is now and how in the hell did it metamorphasize from being a trucker drug and kind of the poor white person's crack into something that is now seemingly hip to do among circuit boys and executives?I had tried it when much younger and hated it .It could be because I'm ADHD and it did not mix well with that .A nice glass of bourbon on the rocks was my drug of choice and still is albeit in much .much smaller quantities than back in the day.The use of this drug stupidly referred to as tina as if to make silly and lessen the impact of it's horrific effects is causing an uptick in unsafe sex practices around here as if the holocaust of the 1980s and early 90s never happened .I hate to even go to clubs much anymore since it seems that half the guys in them are on it.I don't mean to come off as judgemental but it is making me very angry at this point.

[Rickypt]

The thing that bewilders me is how widespread meth is now and how in the hell did it metamorphasize from being a trucker drug and kind of the poor white person's crack into something that is now seemingly hip to do among circuit boys and executives?I had tried it when much younger and hated it .It could be because I'm ADHD and it did not mix well with that .A nice glass of bourbon on the rocks was my drug of choice and still is albeit in much .much smaller quantities than back in the day.The use of this drug stupidly referred to as tina as if to make silly and lessen the impact of it's horrific effects is causing an uptick in unsafe sex practices around here as if the holocaust of the 1980s and early 90s never happened .I hate to even go to clubs much anymore since it seems that half the guys in them are on it.I don't mean to come off as judgemental but it is making me very angry at this point.

Yes, it is a huge problem, particularly around fueling increase in HIV infections. I guess I'd say that there is nothing new or different about drug use in the gay community. Studies show that higher percentages of gay men use drugs than straight men.

Unfortunately, a very cheap and very potent form of meth made its way into the scene that gives a fierce sexual charge, makes people good about themselves temporarily, lowers inhibitions, etc. A lot people who have been living with HIV for a long time do it because it gives them some energy. Add in peer pressure and the unhealthy fascination with youth in the gay "community". All of this I've heard firsthand from the guys in my recovery program.

A tremendous problem, especially in SF and other major urban areas. And one that no one seems to have any good answers or ideas.

[BombaySapphire3]

Yes, it is a huge problem, particularly around fueling increase in HIV infections. I guess I'd say that there is nothing new or different about drug use in the gay community. Studies show that higher percentages of gay men use drugs than straight men.

Unfortunately, a very cheap and very potent form of meth made its way into the scene that gives a fierce sexual charge, makes people good about themselves temporarily, lowers inhibitions, etc. A lot people who have been living with HIV for a long time do it because it gives them some energy. Add in peer pressure and the unhealthy fascination with youth in the gay "community". All of this I've heard firsthand from the guys in my recovery program.


I somehow missed out on the sexual charge part when I tried it , in fact it had quite the opposite effect.Maybe the usual pardoxical effect speed has on people with ADHD ie. Ritalin?Yeah I agree with the preoccupation with youth phenomenon but I don't see how this helps with that since most of the guys my age (over 40 ) that use it to excess look like a rode hard and put up wet 50.I just pray that it loses it's allure and soon but then again who knows what else might come along...

[Rickypt]

Yeah I agree with the preoccupation with youth phenomenon but I don't see how this helps with that since most of the guys my age (over 40 ) that use it to excess look like a rode hard and put up wet 50.I just pray that it looses it's allure and soon but then again who knows what else might come along...

It doesn't help at all, and you're right it's quite the opposite, but it tricks your mind.

[skcin]

I just wanted to thank Ryan for telling his story. I think it helps people to read that it really can be a casual thing for many years, but that doesn't mean it will never become a problem - just the opposite, it most likely WILL become a problem.

You're a very strong person and I'm proud of you. :xoxo:

[irishgrl]

Back in the early 90's, you could only get meth in bigger cities. Thank God for that, because the main reason my husband had to stop doing it is that he couldn't get it here. In the Navy (he was stationed in San Diego) they all did it to stay awake when they were on watch. DO NOT get me started on the military - it seems like everyone's on drugs & nobody thinks this is a problem. Anyway, when he got out, he didn't need to stay up all night anymore, but I'm sure he would have kept using anyway had he been able to get some meth. :( He hasn't touched it in 12 years.

I've never done anything heavier than pot, drugs scare the **** out of me. And I don't smoke pot anymore because I don't like it anymore. The last 2 times I got high I got sick. So screw that. If I want to get sick, I'll drink too much. Cheaper & legal. :D


Um, I dont know about your neck of the woods but meth/crank has been around since at least the 70's. I grew up in the Bay Area and it was around all over (Im talking the ENTIRE 70's) in my mid 20's I moved to the Chico/Paradise area and it was there too. In CA, as far as I know, because its so easy to make/buy, its been everywhere....

I dont use, never have. dont like pot (HATE it in fact) so I didnt go down the tubes like a majority of my friends did...I just thank GAWD that I escaped the sad cycle I see so many people on....its truly tragic...

[David]

I've personally seen this drug ruin 3 of my friends lives, and my boyfriend Derek used to be in treatment for it. I told him when I met him if I ever caught him using it again, I was outta there. Thankfully he's kept himself clean ever since.:) This drug is just a terrible plague on soceity, and I hope anyone that has a problem with it can get the help they need.
Well, I'm on meth now. I keep it under control, but sometimes I feel it all spiraling into the maelstrom. But it helps me stay creative & I need my creativity.

[skcin]

Irishgrl - I'm aware that it's been around. But it seems that everything starts in Cali & NYC, then trickles inward to the rest of the U.S. Buffalo's not exactly a happenin' place, in case you haven't heard.

I'd never heard of it growing up, but I knew all about pot, amphetamines (pill form), coke, heroin, shrooms, acid, etc. I think even E made it here before meth did.

[Rickypt]

I just wanted to thank Ryan for telling his story. I think it helps people to read that it really can be a casual thing for many years, but that doesn't mean it will never become a problem - just the opposite, it most likely WILL become a problem.

You're a very strong person and I'm proud of you. :xoxo:

Thank you. I actually woke up this morning thinking my god why did I post such a long personal story. But I'm fairly anonymous and I thought I could explain a few things that people seemed to be curious about.

[David]

And you asked what it's biggest attraction was to me. It is simply that for several hours after doing it I felt happier than normal, more attractive than normal, and more outgoing than normal. It's all a facade. Now I'm content with finding happiness naturally.
Congratulations, ryan, on conquering that demon, on winning that battle with the dragon.

[HomerMcvie]

Well, I'm on meth now. I keep it under control, but sometimes I feel it all spiraling into the maelstrom. But it helps me stay creative & I need my creativity.
Ah, the last piece of the puzzle.:woohoo: :rolleyes:

[irishgrl]

Irishgrl - I'm aware that it's been around. But it seems that everything starts in Cali & NYC, then trickles inward to the rest of the U.S. Buffalo's not exactly a happenin' place, in case you haven't heard.

I'd never heard of it growing up, but I knew all about pot, amphetamines (pill form), coke, heroin, shrooms, acid, etc. I think even E made it here before meth did.

Buffalo's not a happenin' place? *GASP!*

We in the Bay had a veritable buffet of recreational goodies to play with. gag. I guess its good that you lived in a place that didnt have crank because all I can say is that stuff is insidious.

[DavidMn]

Thank you. I actually woke up this morning thinking my god why did I post such a long personal story. But I'm fairly anonymous and I thought I could explain a few things that people seemed to be curious about.I'm certainly glad tou did.:)

[foxyluva]

I have friends who do this sort of thing. Some of it is ridiculous - like they do this gas (I can't remember what it is called) that is in balloons and get high off that :eek: How stupid can you be :shrug:

Im a bit of a prude - I don't smoke, drink or do drugs....

[skcin]

I have friends who do this sort of thing. Some of it is ridiculous - like they do this gas (I can't remember what it is called) that is in balloons and get high off that :eek: How stupid can you be :shrug:

Im a bit of a prude - I don't smoke, drink or do drugs....


Ah yes, Nitrous Oxide, aka "laughing gas." People still do that? Ridiculous. :(