Perhaps I'm Just Not Shallow and Vapid Enough

[SortaSavageLike]

I work at a grocery store six days out of the week, usually staying up front and bagging. As a result, I spend much of the day in close proximity with middle aged women, who, to put it nicely, won't be appearing on the cover of Glamor any time soon. Some of them are really overweight, but frankly, I don't give two ****s either way. Most of them are really nice to me, and just want someone to talk to to pass the time, since being a cashier can be grindingly tedious.

I've noticed that most of the male service clerks at the store where I work prefer to bag for the younger women, and not for the older and more "awkward" ones. On days where we don't have enough baggers, none of the older female cashiers have anyone to bag for them, but all of the younger ones do. Pardon me for rambling, but this situation kind of irritates me. Why is my generation so damned shallow and vapid? I find it hard to believe that a young man will refuse to bag for an older woman, simply because she isn't "good looking."

Call me screwed up, but my parents taught me to respect people based on how they behaved, not on their physical appearance. And that meant if I saw a 70 year old cashier handling $250 of groceries by herself, I'd go over and help her, even if she had varicose veins and was missing half of her teeth. And if I hear one more person describing a perfectly healthy human being as "fat" just because he/she is slightly thicker around the waist than an Auschwitz survivor...well, I'm gonna scream!

Rant over.

[eclipse]

Excellent Rant!
and I agree with you
perhaps that is why I think it is an excellent rant!

[tuigirl]

Interesting read Savage. May I suggest you bring up this subject with the checkout manager and let him/her know what you think.Surely, at your store the baggers bag for whoever needs the most help regardless of age/looks etc? No? If not, then, thats a bit much, customer help should be for everyone and yes, middle aged women are the most painful of customers IMHO, I get to deal with them on a regular basis too, having said that, it only takes one nice one to make up for all the rest (or for a wee person, to smile /wave, to make my day).I'm always tidying up after everybody in our work canteen...now that bugs me!!!!! (but I do it anyway, coz I can't stand sitting in the mess)....anyone else want to have a good rant?

[vivfox]

Back in 1979 when I worked in a grocery store as a bagger I was always getting in trouble for being too talkative to the cashiers. One particular cashier would always complain to the bosses that I talked too much to her. I'm sure it's because she wasn't sexually attracted to me. People are like that. I'm ugly you see, and most people treat me like dog meat when they speak to me. One of my brothers is very handsome and he didn't have to say a word, yet women would fall at his feet in admiration. One girl once said to me, "can I ask you a question?" I said "sure," and she said, "you're brother is so georgeous. What in the hell ever happened to you?" This was said to me in 1980 and I still remember the sting like it was yesterday. That really hurt.
The worst part for me as a gay man is the horrible treatment I get from other gays. They treat me worse than everyone else. In most cases when I hit on guys they usually ask me for money to have sex with them. Luckily for me I have a very loving family and some very loving friends.And my belief in God. Without that support system I might have killed myself a long time ago.
Imagine what it would feel like to you if no one ever asked you out on a date? In the last ten years only three people have hit on me. How pathetic. Welcome to my life. No wonder I'm on the computer all day-I feel like a person with leprosy.
I"m sorry, I know this sounds totally pathetic. I just wanted all you beautiful people to know how deeply sad it is to be an ugly person in a world obsessed with beauty.

[estranged4life]

Thats similar to the fate I suffer when I hold a door open for ANY woman, regardless of age/looks/etc....Most of the time guys only open doors for younger attractive women, which is shallow.

[Tango]

Originally Posted by vivfox

Back in 1979 when I worked in a grocery store as a bagger I was always getting in trouble for being too talkative to the cashiers. One particular cashier would always complain to the bosses that I talked too much to her. I'm sure it's because she wasn't sexually attracted to me. People are like that. I'm ugly you see, and most people treat me like dog meat when they speak to me. One of my brothers is very handsome and he didn't have to say a word, yet women would fall at his feet in admiration. One girl once said to me, "can I ask you a question?" I said "sure," and she said, "you're brother is so georgeous. What in the hell ever happened to you?" This was said to me in 1980 and I still remember the sting like it was yesterday. That really hurt.
The worst part for me as a gay man is the horrible treatment I get from other gays. They treat me worse than everyone else. In most cases when I hit on guys they usually ask me for money to have sex with them. Luckily for me I have a very loving family and some very loving friends.And my belief in God. Without that support system I might have killed myself a long time ago.
Imagine what it would feel like to you if no one ever asked you out on a date? In the last ten years only three people have hit on me. How pathetic. Welcome to my life. No wonder I'm on the computer all day-I feel like a person with leprosy.
I"m sorry, I know this sounds totally pathetic. I just wanted all you beautiful people to know how deeply sad it is to be an ugly person in a world obsessed with beauty.

I don't know you vivfox, other than what I read. But the internet is a strange thing. It makes people that are otherwise quiet and mouse-like sometimes obnoxious, almost terrifying and bold, sometimes, yet it can allow for someone, as you just did to express yourself. You're not pathetic at all. You're intelligent and you like to share things with others. This thing with the internet-- it almost reminds me of Dr Martin Luther King's speech:

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. "

Maybe this computer "thing" gives a bit of that reality. I think that's pretty cool.

(even as the remaining 3 King children squabble amongst themselves about money. Their father, along with "Murrow," is rolling over in his grave.)

[Betsy]

We are our own worst critics. Why do we beat ourselves up, when there is a whole world out there, willing to do it for us...why punch ourselves in the face?

I have punched myself emotionally more time than I care to admit...and have the scars to show for it.

Vivfox, quit punching. You can be anybody you want to be....dye your hair, get a couple tatoos, go to the gym and change your body shape....there are endless possibilites, but don't look at yourself from someone else's eyes.

Eleanor Roosevelt was considered ugly and considered herself ugly too. Then she told herself to snap out of it....and is credited with the quote: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." (Go Eleanor!)

As for the grocery bagging thing...it's nice to have someone speak to you, especially if you are the buyer. ...because in the back of my mind, I am thinking...."Why the hell am I here? The biggest compliment I can give a business is to give them money. Oh, I get it. I pay them money to treat me like ****."

Most cashiers just grunt at me, and it's the bagger who is the good PR person....

But --- if I bring my own canvas bags??? That royally pisses off the cashier AND the bagger. At that point, I end up bagging myself...

[Steviefan49]

Originally Posted by Tango

I don't know you vivfox, other than what I read. But the internet is a strange thing. It makes people that are otherwise quiet and mouse-like sometimes obnoxious, almost terrifying and bold, sometimes, yet it can allow for someone, as you just did to express yourself. You're not pathetic at all. You're intelligent and you like to share things with others. This thing with the internet-- it almost reminds me of Dr Martin Luther King's speech:

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. "

Maybe this computer "thing" gives a bit of that reality. I think that's pretty cool.

(even as the remaining 3 King children squabble amongst themselves about money. Their father, along with "Murrow," is rolling over in his grave.)

Hey Viv..

I have to agree with Tango on this one.. I also wanted to add, that you are truly beautiful on the inside, and I'm sure you are on the outside as well! That's what makes someone "beautiful" to me! I've never seen or met you, but I can truly say that to me, you are a beautiful person!! If people are "shallow" enough to judge people on the outside, for their looks, then that's a really sad state, IMHO.. I knew that I was raised loving everyone, and to judge anyone on anything wasn't a part of my up-bringing, at all! So, please don't beat yourself up that way, and know that you have a lot of people here, who feel you are a beautiful person!!

Hugs to you,

Arlene

[SuzeQuze]

Originally Posted by estranged4life

Thats similar to the fate I suffer when I hold a door open for ANY woman, regardless of age/looks/etc....Most of the time guys only open doors for younger attractive women, which is shallow.

The best is when they stop their car to let you cross the street just to leer. Eww.

[SuzeQuze]

Originally Posted by vivfox

Back in 1979 when I worked in a grocery store as a bagger I was always getting in trouble for being too talkative to the cashiers. One particular cashier would always complain to the bosses that I talked too much to her. I'm sure it's because she wasn't sexually attracted to me. People are like that. I'm ugly you see, and most people treat me like dog meat when they speak to me. One of my brothers is very handsome and he didn't have to say a word, yet women would fall at his feet in admiration. One girl once said to me, "can I ask you a question?" I said "sure," and she said, "you're brother is so georgeous. What in the hell ever happened to you?" This was said to me in 1980 and I still remember the sting like it was yesterday. That really hurt.
The worst part for me as a gay man is the horrible treatment I get from other gays. They treat me worse than everyone else. In most cases when I hit on guys they usually ask me for money to have sex with them. Luckily for me I have a very loving family and some very loving friends.And my belief in God. Without that support system I might have killed myself a long time ago.
Imagine what it would feel like to you if no one ever asked you out on a date? In the last ten years only three people have hit on me. How pathetic. Welcome to my life. No wonder I'm on the computer all day-I feel like a person with leprosy.
I"m sorry, I know this sounds totally pathetic. I just wanted all you beautiful people to know how deeply sad it is to be an ugly person in a world obsessed with beauty.

When I was in 4th grade I overheard a boy say, "Susan W------, she's a DOG!" That really stung. Although part of me knew another boy probably said he liked me, which was flattering, but the dog comment is what stuck. For years. And somewhere along the line I picked up the attitude that with looks comes happiness. And I always tried to look better and beat myself up for physical flaws. I felt like if only I could fix something about my appearance then I would be happy. I think this is the first year I've learned not to do that. At 37. God bless age and wisdom.

I'm sorry you feel so badly about your appearance. I can imagine how hard that must be. And how insensitive of that woman to say that to you. Jesus. People can be idiots. I know I felt ugly for a long time. Maybe I wasn't but I thought so and perception is everything.

It really is what's inside that matters. All of those shallow people will see that one day and realize how dumb they were for wasting so much time on nothing.

[LiamMcConville]

Originally Posted by SuzeQuze

When I was in 4th grade I overheard a boy say, "Susan W------, she's a DOG!" That really stung. Although part of me knew another boy probably said he liked me, which was flattering, but the dog comment is what stuck. For years.

You are so lucky that you eventually got over that event.

When my Aunt was in High School, word went around that she had a crush on this certain guy.

One day, this guy's friends surrounded my Aunt, pointed, and laughed at her, telling her how ugly she was.

My Aunt is beautiful, but from that day she's had terribly low self esteem, and believe's she has a mild case of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. All because of those low-life immature bastards. It's sad. So sad.

[SuzeQuze]

Originally Posted by LiamMcConville

You are so lucky that you eventually got over that event.

When my Aunt was in High School, word went around that she had a crush on this certain guy.

One day, this guy's friends surrounded my Aunt, pointed, and laughed at her, telling her how ugly she was.

My Aunt is beautiful, but from that day she's had terribly low self esteem, and believe's she has a mild case of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. All because of those low-life immature bastards. It's sad. So sad.

Well there was a lot of emphasis on physical appearance in my family. So I was predisposed to let that comment get to me. Otherwise I might have told that boy where to stick it. I just wasn't raised to defend myself or feel good about myself. That is the actual sad part. This will always be an issue for me but I have largely overcome it. Children can be so cruel!

[strandinthewind]

Originally Posted by SuzeQuze

When I was in 4th grade I overheard a boy say, "Susan W------, she's a DOG!" . . .

I would beat him to within an inch of his life if I had been there


As for peoples' opinions of you -- of course the matter to some degree. We all want to be liked on some level. However, learning to keep that want at a reasonable level is hard. How many times have we all gotten all dressed up or prepared in some way for some event and it goes over like a lead balloon. That sucks. In the end, it is hard for people to like you or notice you if you do not like or love yourself. I mean change what you can (weight, hair, dress a certain way, better attitude, etc. ) -- but you are you -- the sooner each of us learns to love that underlying person, the sooner life is IMO easier. And, I know it can be hard to do that when you feel you do not fit in (whatever that means) , etc. That confidence shines through and IMO attracts other people. Fortunately, I am not really one to listen in an greatly significant manner to anyone's drum but my own.

That is if I can stop staring at my own reflection in the mirror long enough to give a shiitte

[Chrislit18]

yay a new place for me to post my mantra!!!

Ok so this weekend. [as a 15 almost 16 year old girl], I decided that young boys are just stupid!!!
seriously!!!

Most young guys only care about physical appearance [and trust me at my school none of them are prizes anyways, and most of the girls...too thin for thier own good and not that pretty as is], and wieght. they don't care how nice someone is, all they care about is how 'cool' or how 'sexy' some one is.

And for that young boys are stupid.
and why I am giving up hope on highschool boys forever. so no boyfriend in highschool for me. [which will also probably mean no date to prom either but whatever!]
Savage, I am glad you don't have the same attitude as these stupid young guys, and you know what, more guys should be like you.
You know what though, it really isn't only guys, [as VivFox said] girls are the same stupid way in highschool too! all they care about is looks and money, and what kindof car a guy drives. LAME.

I do have to admit that looks matter, but judging someone soley on them is the most assinine thing to do.

Its not right how older women are being treated at that grocery store Savage, and if I were you, I would take the time to talk to a manager about it. It's not right that just because these women arent 17 year old size 2 skanks they don't get someone to help them do thier job more efficently.
[no offence to anyone size 2 here, but overall girls my age are just too skinny. i know a 5'6,5'7 girl who is like a size 0...that is unhealthy really...]

people just suck.

You know, as someone who is judged on a daily basis by kids at school, that really gets to me why people have to be such idiots.
I mean I don't think I'm completely horrible [looks wise, size wise, personality wise] but for some reason, I am picked on for all of that. So as Liam said about his Aunt...it gives someone who doesn't deserve it a complex for life. And I'm sure that in a way these ladies at the supermarket are feeling the same, like they are inferior.

Blame the media for this crap. I do.

[Tango]

This somewhat famous portion of a poem was written by Robert Burns (1759-1796), a Scottish poet, in his 1785's poem called "Man Was Made To Mourn: A Dirge":

'Many and sharp the num'rous ills
Inwoven with our frame!
More pointed still we make ourselves
Regret, remorse, and shame!
And Man, whose heav'n-erected face
The smiles of love adorn, -
Man's inhumanity to man
Makes countless thousands mourn!


(he died following dental work at the age of 37.)