Random Thoughts/Express Yourself

[amber]

Originally Posted by seeker007nmss

I have lived in many places as a single (Chicago, Denver, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Cincinnati). I usually get the following speaches:

"You are so great I wish I had someone to set you up with - (gee I thought I was trying to date you) "

I hear from friends that are girls about "how crummy their BF's are and wish they were more like me" - but they wont date me (Or worse married female friends who wish they had dated me instead back then. A bit late now!)

"I am not good enough for you speach - variation of the just friends speach". Must be the "new" thing.

(Here is one to make you cringe) - I over heard one of my relatives say: "If he wasn't my first cousin I would date him in a second. I won't even go there with a comment.

I think I need to go get a prison record, or stop bathing, or become an A**hole. Seems only way to find anyone these days.

Oh, I see. You are the "guy friend"
You have to take it to a sexier notch. Try flirting, or doing something sexy, or making your intentions known, sexily.
Sometimes you have to display some skills to get the prize...

[seeker007nmss]

Originally Posted by amber

Oh, I see. You are the "guy friend"
You have to take it to a sexier notch. Try flirting, or doing something sexy, or making your intentions known, sexily.
Sometimes you have to display some skills to get the prize...

Oh I do. In my own way. I think it's my "Old fashioned" need to know her favorite color atleast first. Sorry just feel silly getting "sexier" on the first date. I want to know what I am dealing with first. I know it is they way I am. I like the thrill of the romance as well as the finish line. But give it a few dates atleast. Just me. If it is going to last, or have a chance to go somewhere I want to put the time in. If all I wanted was sack time, wouldn't be a problem. I want MORE damn it! Girls just don't want to committ to something long lasting.


I know I am different. I don't fit most molds and steriotypes and it is hard for girls to deal with. I feel like I was plucked out of time and put here. I am who I am. When or If, the right person shows up then so be it. Otherwise I am just fine as I am as a single.

[lagringader&r]

Originally Posted by SuzeQuze

Same. I have this one friend who I used to be really close with but she never returns emails and rarely phone calls. When we do talk its lovely but the other times are so frustrating. I have some of the best times with her but they are few and far between. I want to make some new friends but that isn't the easiest thing for me to do. I'm working on it though. I love to do things like kayak, other kinds of boating, water skiing, yet I have trouble finding companions somehow. I often feel isolated. I hate it. People are so noncomittal. I have a friend at work, I've asked him to do a number of things over the past month and he always has some excuse. I give up. I must be picking people that aren't interested in hanging otu with me or something. I don't know. Okay, I'm gettign too personal on here. Lagringa, dangerous topic for Suze!
And Curtis, I'm sorry you're sad about the ex BF. He's an idiot. Okay, I don't know what he is but if he's made you feel sad I have to say he's an idiot.

I am so happy for you that you love what you are doing. When are you moving to Boston?

That's the beauty of this thread. It's all about saying what you feel, no holds barred so there's no such thing as too personal.

I'm still catching up (only on page 3, keep getting interrupted) but I know what you mean about isolation. It's not so much that my friends don't call back - well actually, they don't. One of my biggest things is that almost all of the friends I had, used. When I got clean, everything changed. My bf still does coke and it was hell staying with him when I wasn't. I still can't believe I didn't go back to it. We broke up a little over a month ago and since then I've been almost totally isolated. I have a total of three friends who are relatively clean, meaning they get high but nothing else. I can't even get high anymore because I know I'll go back. I have a very addictive personality. So, everyone else I hung out with still do all of it. I stay in seclusion. I feel ok about it, but then I don't. I'm afraid to be alone and afraid to go out. So, yep, when I call them, they don't always call back. I'm not *cool* or *fun* anymore to them because I don't party the way I used to. It's real hard not to get your feelings hurt. I do know what you mean. It's not an identical situation, but the end result is the same. Ok, now I'm getting personal.

[amber]

Originally Posted by seeker007nmss

Oh I do. In my own way. I think it's my "Old fashioned" need to know her favorite color atleast first. Sorry just feel silly getting "sexier" on the first date. I want to know what I am dealing with first. I know it is they way I am. I like the thrill of the romance as well as the finish line. But give it a few dates atleast. Just me. If it is going to last, or have a chance to go somewhere I want to put the time in. If all I wanted was sack time, wouldn't be a problem. I want MORE damn it! Girls just don't want to committ to something long lasting.


I know I am different. I don't fit most molds and steriotypes and it is hard for girls to deal with. I feel like I was plucked out of time and put here. I am who I am. When or If, the right person shows up then so be it. Otherwise I am just fine as I am as a single.

That sounds fine. It sounds great, really. But even if you are talking about someone's favorite color, it's nice to have a smidge of "sexy" in your face... Just saying...it makes someone look interested...you know....like "I am really interested in what you are saying, and I want to make you scream!"
Hey, it doesn't work for everyone, though...

[seeker007nmss]

Originally Posted by amber

That sounds fine. It sounds great, really. But even if you are talking about someone's favorite color, it's nice to have a smidge of "sexy" in your face... Just saying...it makes someone look interested...you know....like "I am really interested in what you are saying, and I want to make you scream!"
Hey, it doesn't work for everyone, though...

Okay, maybe I am too cautious and think too much. Just the way I am. I like to take my time and go slow. (I don't think giving the relationship a chance to grow after only 2 dates is unreasonible) I think if I tried to be "Too sexy for my shirt" type on the first meeting, it wouldn't work. Just not me. I actually find it a turnoff if they try to jump into bed too soon. It has to really "mean" something to me. Each their own. (I like when it goes beyond screaming! btw ) Now where is the blush icon?

[lagringader&r]

Originally Posted by ontheEdgeof17

I should just mess around with the ex...the one I still love....who has a live-in BF?

GAWD...What would Stevie do?

Stevie would do Chris Isaak.

Since I'm only up to page 4, you may already have this all figured out. In case you don't, if you really like the guy who doesn't like anal, I guess it's what you can give up to be with him or not? I don't think I could give up certain things sexually because I really am too into it, for any guy. I guess if I loved him enough? But, starting out like that is hard if you really, really like doing that thing he doesn't want to do. Did that make sense?

[amber]

Originally Posted by seeker007nmss

Okay, maybe I am too cautious and think too much. Just the way I am. I like to take my time and go slow. (I don't think giving the relationship a chance to grow after only 2 dates is unreasonible) I think if I tried to be "Too sexy for my shirt" type on the first meeting, it wouldn't work. Just not me. I actually find it a turnoff if they try to jump into bed too soon. It has to really "mean" something to me. Each their own. (I like when it goes beyond screaming! btw ) Now where is the blush icon?

No, that's all good, I'm just only saying, it's a good idea to hold some sexy in your pocket while you get to know people. which doesn't mean busting out your "disco stew" or anything. It just means having something compelling in your eyes, a certain intangible lust about your presence. But subtle.
don't mind me, just do your own thang!

[estranged4life]

Originally Posted by lagringader&r

I have a very addictive personality. So, everyone else I hung out with still do all of it. I stay in seclusion. I feel ok about it, but then I don't.

to use my addictive personality to fill a void in my life with something worthwhile, and that worthwhile addiction was/is/and always will be music. Never tried any type of illegal drug (Sad but very true, I did that just to be different than anyone!!!), Never drank, smoked or partied (Again, My choice to be different than the rest of the flock...Also part of me wanted to see how strong mentally I could be, I succeeded to a point, My greying hair shows my battle scars proudly).

Music was there for me when nothing else was, or when no one else was...I remember when Deb was hospitalized with cancer/septis in early 2004, I remember I absolutely buried myself in my music cause otherwise I would have lost it and probably would have either became an absolute basketcase or be worm-food.

I remember making the daily 120 mile one-way trip to the hospital before/after work, blasting Dream Theater's "Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence" disc #2 (Which is a concept album based on several different individuals surviving depression/isolation/manic psychosis.) and that disc gave me strength to make it...I even memorized the lyrics to all 42 minutes of the song. And I can clearly remember the drives back home to sit by myself alone in our house, which was the hardest thing (At the time) for me to deal with...I remember feelin' there was a strong possibility I was goin' to be a widower at age 33, And if not for the music I would have went downhill fast cause I could have easily started to do drugs and/or drink just to relieve the pain I was feeling (Like my oldest brother, Who I now believe to be a lost cause)...But I had my music there to carry me through, And it got me through that pain in my life and it got me through the recent pain in my life.

To music I will forever be grateful

[Moony]

Originally Posted by takenbythesky

. It's too bad that the one guy isn't into things on the backside--his loss, as that region can be very pleasurable

Wow...those words coming from you, Justin......

Geee-zess!

[amber]

Originally Posted by lagringader&r

That's the beauty of this thread. It's all about saying what you feel, no holds barred so there's no such thing as too personal.

I'm still catching up (only on page 3, keep getting interrupted) but I know what you mean about isolation. It's not so much that my friends don't call back - well actually, they don't. One of my biggest things is that almost all of the friends I had, used. When I got clean, everything changed. My bf still does coke and it was hell staying with him when I wasn't. I still can't believe I didn't go back to it. We broke up a little over a month ago and since then I've been almost totally isolated. I have a total of three friends who are relatively clean, meaning they get high but nothing else. I can't even get high anymore because I know I'll go back. I have a very addictive personality. So, everyone else I hung out with still do all of it. I stay in seclusion. I feel ok about it, but then I don't. I'm afraid to be alone and afraid to go out. So, yep, when I call them, they don't always call back. I'm not *cool* or *fun* anymore to them because I don't party the way I used to. It's real hard not to get your feelings hurt. I do know what you mean. It's not an identical situation, but the end result is the same. Ok, now I'm getting personal.

That is very hard. Good luck. I've heard that people who quit stuff have to, and do, get a whole new set of interests/hobbies/friends. It's quite amazing you were able to be around it, and not do it, I think. *high five*. That surely is a hard step. I found it really hard to even quit smoking cause all my friends do.
Hey, on the bright side, coke is hella expensive!!! You should put the money aside and save for your fabulous trip!

[amber]

Originally Posted by Moony

Wow...those words coming from you, Justin......

Geee-zess!

wasn't that great? I swear, though, Cancers are the biggest secret pervs.... If you ever get to date one, DO IT!!!
kudos to Justin, I say!

[lagringader&r]

Originally Posted by estranged4life

last summer I started to develop esophagal problems, Which required a surgery and biopsy (Which was negative), No ooner than I healed from that then I started to have cardial problems, With my pulse rate jumping sky-high without notice...Saw the Dr. for that and they could not find any problems even though 2 separate EKG's showed that there was a problem (2 separate EKG's performed by 2 different doctors showed the same abnormal heart rhythm).

Even before this past summer's illnesses I have been battling severe headaches which morphed into daily migraines from hell (Which I still suffer daily), At first didnt really think more of 'em until this past may 3rd I was driven to the ER after nearly blacking out at home...My BP was abnormally high (177/110) so the ER doctor asked for a CT Scan to be performed, But he told my wife (Who is employed at the same hospital as a nurse) the CT Scan came back clear/'negative' (The Radiology techs just looked at my sinuses and not much more) so I was told my headaches were from "eye strain" (Which I thought was BS!!!) but I had a regular DR. appt the next week anyways.

My regular doctor, BKA "Doogie Howser" said the lead radiology doctor went over my CT Scan results and found a rather "abnormal calcification in the right temporal lobe" of my brain (Which the techs totally missed), Which could either have been the remnants of a pass stroke (!!!) or it could be a tumor (!!!) of some type...He said it seemed ironic that the headaches are happening and then this "abnormal calcification" appears, So they are very possibly related.

Guess we'll find out sooner than later...

I would try to inject some humor here in something a friend of mine said once "when life takes a piss on you, get pissed and live life". This guy never says deep ****, so this was kind of a shock. It's not really humorous as much as it's true. The thing that you're going through is bull****. You shouldn't have it. You sound like a really good guy (the perfect guy I said before), you are in love with your wife, you are killer hot, and you've had enough (losing your mom). Get pissed at this, fight it and take care of yourself, even if it means being a little selfish about it. As happy as you seem, your wife would be devastated if anything happened. For that reason alone, fight it.

[Moony]

Originally Posted by amber

wasn't that great? I swear, though, Cancers are the biggest secret pervs.... If you ever get to date one, DO IT!!!
kudos to Justin, I say!

LOL! muchos kudos indeed

Originally Posted by takenbythesky

Well, a boy can have fun on his own, no? I was really embarrassed to type that. Thinking back, saying that kind of thing on The Ledge could get me into a whole lotta trouble.

HOLY FxCK!

[amber]

Originally Posted by takenbythesky

Thank you, Amber. I don't think I'm particularly pervy...I just like exploring my own body (bordering on too much information, I'm afraid).

Well..well...well...Isn't It Midnight? Officially the Ambster's birthday!

What I say to that, Justin, is....DER!!! That's all about what makes a great perv. But not a pervy perv, just a great perv. Again, hats off to Justin. I was 19 when I discovered that secret!
"do you remembah....the face of a pretty guhhhl (the face of a pretty guhl!)"

[lagringader&r]

Originally Posted by estranged4life

to use my addictive personality to fill a void in my life with something worthwhile, and that worthwhile addiction was/is/and always will be music. Never tried any type of illegal drug (Sad but very true, I did that just to be different than anyone!!!), Never drank, smoked or partied (Again, My choice to be different than the rest of the flock...Also part of me wanted to see how strong mentally I could be, I succeeded to a point, My greying hair shows my battle scars proudly).

Music was there for me when nothing else was, or when no one else was...I remember when Deb was hospitalized with cancer/septis in early 2004, I remember I absolutely buried myself in my music cause otherwise I would have lost it and probably would have either became an absolute basketcase or be worm-food.

I remember making the daily 120 mile one-way trip to the hospital before/after work, blasting Dream Theater's "Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence" disc #2 (Which is a concept album based on several different individuals surviving depression/isolation/manic psychosis.) and that disc gave me strength to make it...I even memorized the lyrics to all 42 minutes of the song. And I can clearly remember the drives back home to sit by myself alone in our house, which was the hardest thing (At the time) for me to deal with...I remember feelin' there was a strong possibility I was goin' to be a widower at age 33, And if not for the music I would have went downhill fast cause I could have easily started to do drugs and/or drink just to relieve the pain I was feeling (Like my oldest brother, Who I now believe to be a lost cause)...But I had my music there to carry me through, And it got me through that pain in my life and it got me through the recent pain in my life.

To music I will forever be grateful

YOU ARE STRONG! Wow. You never did any of that after everything you've been through. It's with people like you, I feel so ****ing weak.

I have music on (either metal or Stevie, what a combination ) 24/7, even when I sleep (maybe that's why I don't sleep..hmm) and it does help. Are you into Symphony X? The Accolade is like 10 minutes long and is so emotionally charged, it makes me cry. Not cry in a horribly depressed kind of way, but it makes me feel in awe, exhausted and almost like I've just had amazing sex. It's that powerful. I believe music heals and can at least partially change your mood if you let it.