What do I do? I can't get over it.

[ontheEdgeof17]

So. There is this guy. My ex. My last ex. The relationship ended three years ago ex. I can't seem to date anyone else cuz this ex is always on my mind. He is now engaged to his bf of a year and they live together down the street from me. He's blocked me from every messenger known to man cuz he cant deal talking to me on a regular basis. The only time he unblockes me is when he is home alone and horny and wants me to come over. Sometimes I do go over....sometimes I don't. And the passion is still there and it is so tense when I see him out and about.

So. Today I see him. He works in TJ Maxx. Well, I went on a mad shopping spree today and spent a good $500. There he was right when I walked into the door. He saw me and ran straight to the back room. When I was checking out, he came up to me and didn't say anything but just stood there. I didn't look in his direction. He walked out the door and mumbled something about an email I sent to him on Myspace. I told him I hated him in the email. I think he said "Your myspace email was really nice of you," and walked out the door.

So. I went to Target and he was there...I guess on his lunchbreak. I saw him but quickly grabbed my cart and went on my merry way. Well, I turned around and he was following me. He saw and quickly turned the other way and out the door back to work.

There is soooooo much chemistry there it's unbearable. He brings tears to my eyes right when I see him. It's instant sadness. I dunno what his deal is with me. He obviously has issues. I know he uses me at times for satisfaction....and I let him like I fool....he knows he gets to me. I don't see how he can get fully committed to this guy when him and I have an unbreakable bond.

Help. What do I do to get him out of my head? I don't want him back....yes I do....no I don't. I can't decide. I need therapy. Just when I think he is out of my existance...I see him out...or he messages me....I can't get rid of him. I want to get rid of him...but then again I don't.

I need therapy.