Gay Ledgies of the World Unite!

[DrummerDeanna]

Originally Posted by GateandGarden

[COLOR=DarkGreen]I was just saying I'm an outcast where I live. Where I go to school, people who are gay and actually out are few and far between. And they are usually very extreme and stereotypical. I really throw people because I'm not extreme and stereotypical but I'm still out and very open about it. And I get lots of dirty looks just for wearing rainbows, and every once in awhile some nasty comments. Here is a place where being gay seems to be considered unusual and immoral by most, and most who are hide it well.

Interesting - this sounds like my hometown...sort of. I don't really know where to start....

Okay - so there are a lot of gay people in my hometown - when I was in high school there were pretty large groups of gay kids at all three high schools - and on the evenings/weekends they'd all come together at a local coffee shop - I hung out with them all - it was a fun time.

Now - I however, hate labels - but for all general purposes I guess I can be considered bisexual. I've had amazing relationships with both men and women...BUT I fit no stereotpye either - and I get SO MUCH **** from the gay community in my hometown (which i just left a few months ago).

There is a large group of stereotypical mean drunk/druggie lesbians who are just awful -(not all - just a specific group in my town) and they've all dated/screwed each other and it's a mess....I don't fit with that group ...everyone else pretty much keeps to themselves....my gay male friends all moved away and now hang out with absolutely NO women at all...haha...

So question - why is it that people who consider themselves "bi" get so much ****...I'm not selfish and actually have not dated a women in more than five years now I'm not a nympho...I believe in being with one person and one person only etc....however, me and a friend of mine who is also bi have been like pretty much ostracized by some of our gay friends...when we chose to date a man... I have also heard people say that bisexuality is bull****....it's a "Stepping stone" - that, I think, is bull**** since I've felt this way my entire life...seriously...

I think I may have stopped making sense a while back lol - so I'm gonna stop typing now...

[skcin]

Originally Posted by Johnny Stew

I'm not the first person to say this, so I can't take credit... but being gay ain't for sissies. I wouldn't have chosen to be gay (I scoff at anyone who calls homosexuality a "lifestyle choice"), but I'm glad to now be able to say that I'm happy with who I am and I'm happy to be gay.
It adds a certain amount of complications and difficulties to one's life, but we all have our crosses to bear, so to speak.

Don't you just love people that insist it is a choice? On the other hand, they know gay people are different (read:inferior to them,) therefore implying that gays ARE born different but still insisting that they were NOT born different & it's a choice they made later in life?

I've shocked a few ignorant people when debating this issue by asking when they made their choice to be straight - I mean, if everyone's born the same (read:straight,) then wouldn't everyone have to decide if they wanted to "turn" gay or not? When were they given the option - and if they weren't given that option, then I guess gay people were BORN gay, RIGHT?!?! DUH!

Paula

PS - I'm straight

[GateandGarden]

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

So question - why is it that people who consider themselves "bi" get so much ****...I'm not selfish and actually have not dated a women in more than five years now I'm not a nympho...I believe in being with one person and one person only etc....however, me and a friend of mine who is also bi have been like pretty much ostracized by some of our gay friends...when we chose to date a man... I have also heard people say that bisexuality is bull****....it's a "Stepping stone" - that, I think, is bull**** since I've felt this way my entire life...seriously...

I can probably speak for a lot of the people around where I live and say that they may have never met someone who was bi and out and actually a serious person. I've encountered people who say they just like to have sex with both genders and nothing more than that, and that's very hard to take seriously. I think lots of people need to know that it's something real and hopefully that would reduce all of "stepping stone" nonsense. I'm sorry that your gay friends have had negative feelings towards you--we should stick together but sometimes it seems to turn into every man for himself.

One more thing I wanted to say--to all of you on this thread--I'm about to go face another day of who knows what. It could go without mention of anything gay related, or a friend of mine (who I thought was a good friend) could suddenly inform me that he or she thinks I need some ex-gay therapy, or a virtual stranger could lecture me on sins. I never know. But I feel a lot better about the whole situation knowing about people like all of you. I think minorities need as many allies as possible, and I really appreciate the broad-mindedness on this board. So thank you.

Hillary

[skcin]

Originally Posted by GateandGarden

One more thing I wanted to say--to all of you on this thread--I'm about to go face another day of who knows what. It could go without mention of anything gay related, or a friend of mine (who I thought was a good friend) could suddenly inform me that he or she thinks I need some ex-gay therapy, or a virtual stranger could lecture me on sins. I never know. But I feel a lot better about the whole situation knowing about people like all of you. I think minorities need as many allies as possible, and I really appreciate the broad-mindedness on this board. So thank you.

Hillary

You're welcome.

Paula

[DrummerDeanna]

Originally Posted by GateandGarden

I can probably speak for a lot of the people around where I live and say that they may have never met someone who was bi and out and actually a serious person. I've encountered people who say they just like to have sex with both genders and nothing more than that, and that's very hard to take seriously. I think lots of people need to know that it's something real and hopefully that would reduce all of "stepping stone" nonsense. I'm sorry that your gay friends have had negative feelings towards you--we should stick together but sometimes it seems to turn into every man for himself.

Ugh - I hate that as well lol...does that make me a hypocrite? My friends and I always used to complain about "trendy bisexuals" who were out for sex and nothing more....not me AT ALL. I'm pretty old fashioned - to a fault almost- I move super slow in relationships...so that, in my experience, has been way harder for women to accept than men - don't know why....but that's been my experience....

Slowly my friend who were true friends have come around and are realizing that I am who I am - some, however, are okay to my face and I found out that they're talking behind my back

Get this - one "ex-friend" ran into my mom at a store and actually said to her, "So we saw Deanna with Josh - what's up with that?" And my mom nicely replied, "Well they've been dating for more than two years..." He replied, "Oh - right. We all know she's just in denial though, right?"

My mom was shocked that this guy would actually say that to her.

It pissed me off because these people back home think they know me better than I know myself...(ooh...almost merged into a Stevie song there... )

It's been interesting and a long road and there has been a lot to come to terms with - lots of confusion and then finally a realization that really gender is not an issue for me - I have been attracted to both men and women....but again not like all the time..haha...geez...see even I know that bisexuals have a bad rep = that sucks.

[Mari]

Signing in as bi, if I'm welcome here

Guess I should only sign half my name, then?

Ma- currently doing the straight thing.

cool thing btw, all my lesbian friends just go, "Oh, so it's a guy this time? Well good for you"

[dissention]

Originally Posted by skcin

Don't you just love people that insist it is a choice? On the other hand, they know gay people are different (read:inferior to them,) therefore implying that gays ARE born different but still insisting that they were NOT born different & it's a choice they made later in life?

Don't you just love the fact that the people who put donw gay men and women fail to mention that all of those "homos" come from straight couples?

[DrummerDeanna]

Originally Posted by Mari

Signing in as bi, if I'm welcome here

Guess I should only sign half my name, then?

Ma- currently doing the straight thing.

cool thing btw, all my lesbian friends just go, "Oh, so it's a guy this time? Well good for you"

*phew* not the only one

And that is cool that your friends are like that - mostly the friends I have now are that way...and my last boyfriend was incredibly supportive...even now when we talk and i say I'm interested in someone...he'll ask, "male or female" lol...he's really a sweet guy....

For the most part those who gave me crap are no longer a significant part of my life

[msLinds]

Hello Everyone.I have come out my lurking.To post I am
a and Out and proud Lesbian to. Everyone on the Ledge take good care of yourselves.


Chain Keep Us Together

Its important to remember that nobody
falls into a simple set of labels.

[ShangriLaTroubl]

I've enjoyed reading you guys' gay thread..hope you dont mind me responding....I'm a straight male who loves gay people? "isnt that weird?"

I'm not one who says "oh yeah I EVEN have some gay friends too." I have many gay friends, and thoroughly enjoy gay people more than straight ppl. I think all people should be treated equally, and while I dont claim to understand everything about the gay culture and what you guys go through, I feel I'm 100% more accepting than the average straight male. Being so accepting of gay people has caused many to assume I'm gay myself, and I dont really care...people are just people...I dont care what people do in their bedrooms, just never concerned myself with it..

Why do ppl care what goes on in someone else's love/sex life? I dont choose my friends based on who they are attracted to, I only choose my relationships based on that. Rock on gay ledgies, be proud of yourself. I think this world has come along way, and hopefully it will continue to progress.
I think Melissa Etheridge said it best when she said "our road will always be tough- but all George Bush does is put potholes in the way. John Kerry knows that the subject of same-sex marriage will be resolved within the next decade in the courts, and all he has to do is stay out of the way. I just want a President who will not stand in the way of change, and John Kerry will not."

[DrummerDeanna]

Originally Posted by ShangriLaTroubl

I've enjoyed reading you guys' gay thread..hope you dont mind me responding....I'm a straight male who loves gay people? "isnt that weird?"

I'm not one who says "oh yeah I EVEN have some gay friends too." I have many gay friends, and thoroughly enjoy gay people more than straight ppl. I think all people should be treated equally, and while I dont claim to understand everything about the gay culture and what you guys go through, I feel I'm 100% more accepting than the average straight male. Being so accepting of gay people has caused many to assume I'm gay myself, and I dont really care...people are just people...I dont care what people do in their bedrooms, just never concerned myself with it..

Why do ppl care what goes on in someone else's love/sex life? I dont choose my friends based on who they are attracted to, I only choose my relationships based on that. Rock on gay ledgies, be proud of yourself. I think this world has come along way, and hopefully it will continue to progress.
I think Melissa Etheridge said it best when she said "our road will always be tough- but all George Bush does is put potholes in the way. John Kerry knows that the subject of same-sex marriage will be resolved within the next decade in the courts, and all he has to do is stay out of the way. I just want a President who will not stand in the way of change, and John Kerry will not."

That's great. I've found (again only in my experience) that it's rare to find a straight male who is totally cool and comfortable being around gay people. My ex-boyfriend was that way - totally secure with himself, knew who he was - so he just liked everyone....the first time I met him actually a gay friend of ours was with our group and was sitting on his lap the whole night lol...

Anyway - I like Melissa Etheridge's quote as well - and I agree...though it's still a while off things will continue to get better...hopefully...baby steps though - I mean come on the Civil Rights Movement and the Women's movement didn't happen over night - people just gotta be patient and keep workign for change...

[amber]

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

So question - why is it that people who consider themselves "bi" get so much ****...I'm not selfish and actually have not dated a women in more than five years now I'm not a nympho...I believe in being with one person and one person only etc....however, me and a friend of mine who is also bi have been like pretty much ostracized by some of our gay friends...when we chose to date a man... I have also heard people say that bisexuality is bull****....it's a "Stepping stone" - that, I think, is bull**** since I've felt this way my entire life...seriously...

I think I may have stopped making sense a while back lol - so I'm gonna stop typing now...

yeah, I've heard about this a lot. it's really lame, but i don't know why it exists. perhaps gay people feel somehow threatened by "bi" but i'm not exactly sure why. probably some resentment there. I think it's dumb, and most of my friends are bi, (girls) so...although i've definitely heard of less men who are "truly" bi, (though of course there are some) so maybe saying your "bi" is a bit more loaded for gay men...maybe to gay people it seems like fear and denial...even though with you it's not...hmnnnn...
Amber

[dissention]

Originally Posted by The Tower

No one needs to try, honey- he's basically a Friend of Dorothy anyways.

( to Dissention)

And I'll go over the rainbow with her if I can get a crack at Doug. I sure do love the ladies, but I'd be willing to forget about them for a night with him.

[dissention]

Originally Posted by amber

yeah, I've heard about this a lot. it's really lame, but i don't know why it exists. perhaps gay people feel somehow threatened by "bi" but i'm not exactly sure why. probably some resentment there. I think it's dumb, and most of my friends are bi, (girls) so...although i've definitely heard of less men who are "truly" bi, (though of course there are some) so maybe saying your "bi" is a bit more loaded for gay men...maybe to gay people it seems like fear and denial...even though with you it's not...hmnnnn...
Amber

A lot of gay people feel that bisexuals want to have their cake and eat it, too. Why they see that as a bad thing is beyond me, but some of my gay friends think that bisexuals just go gay to be "cool."

With the exception of my major crush on a certain someone, I consider myself to be as straight as the pope is white. I think there's a bold line between simply having crushes on members of the same sex while still having strong sexual feelings for the opposite sex and having the same intense feelings for the both sexes. People who simply have crushes on members of the same sex are not bisexual, they're normal. But some people just seize on that little crush and call themselves bisexual.

But, as I've always said, any sex is better than none.

[DrummerDeanna]

Originally Posted by amber

yeah, I've heard about this a lot. it's really lame, but i don't know why it exists. perhaps gay people feel somehow threatened by "bi" but i'm not exactly sure why. probably some resentment there. I think it's dumb, and most of my friends are bi, (girls) so...although i've definitely heard of less men who are "truly" bi, (though of course there are some) so maybe saying your "bi" is a bit more loaded for gay men...maybe to gay people it seems like fear and denial...even though with you it's not...hmnnnn...
Amber

Hmm...true - I've known very few bi men - interesting.

Now - a lot of my friends do say that they used the bisexuality thing as a stepping stone...which is fine - but that's an individual thing - it's not so for everyone....but it does happen...