January 6, 2009-January 6, 2011

[vivfox]

Today I can proudly say I am drug and alcohol free for two years!!!

Marijuana was my drug of choice. Sadly, I allowed myself to be higher than a kite throughout most of my adult life. Often I would shrug off the idea that I was a drug addict because I wasn't lying in an alley with a needle sticking out of my arm. I never tried "hard" drugs with the exception of cocaine. In my entire life I probably only did coke 20 times or less. Stevie would be proud. Marijuana was always enough for me.

Now that I have been clean, I can feel the effects it had on me that while under the influence I was completely unaware of. For example, are you aware that you slur your words when you are high? It's true. Two different friends told me I did that and that's how they could tell I was high when we talked on the phone. I used to be paranoid, always thinking the "strange man" was coming up the staircase to "get me." I thought I was paranormally psychic. Seeing or feeling the presents of ghosts just means you're high, nothing else. Even if you're not currently smoking, that sh%t lives in your system to destroy. It finally caused me to have lack of breathing attacks in the middle of the night. I'd wake up choking, begging my Higher Power to let me breathe so I could live. I have sleep apnea and have to sleep with a breathing mask on my face every night. The mask is connected to a machine by a tube. It's a pain in the a@@ to wear this thing. But I do it because it saves my life. A full two years later and I still have this breathing problem.

All of you pot and cigarette smokers beware because this breathing machine could be a fact of your future as well.

In 2003 I stopped smoking Pot with the intention of quitting for life. Without anyone's help I figured I'd be successful at it. Three weeks in when I felt the need to get high I drank some red wine. Merlot tasted good and gave me a quick buzz. For the next few months I drank wine on weekends only. But then the weekends started to increase to weekdays too and soon I realized that I was developing a desire for alcohol. I also drank tequilla, straight from the bottle.

Music and pot always went hand in hand. Forget about going to a concert unless I could get high there.

I decided to start smoking pot again because it was obvious to me I was not ready to surrender. From that point forward I enjoyed shots of tequilla with my marijuana. Most of the time I just smoked and occassionally I would drink with it.

Because of the sleep apnea attacks in late 2008 I decided it was time to stop. And stop everything! on January 5,2009 I smoked my last joint and drank my last shot.
I surrendered! I asked my Higher Power to take away the desire to use and to please keep me busy. The very next day the music in the car sounded better than it ever had when I was high. I could hear subtle nuances in the songs that I never had heard before. From that day forward I have been so busy I can barely keep up with myself. I'm always busy and I'm never bored. I love the "new" me.


In Narcotics Anonymous we are taught that "one is too many and a thousand is never enough."

[GypsyWonders92]

Wow, this is just such an amazing story. Congratulations! I admire you so much, you managed to get through not just one but TWO addictions. You have A LOT to be proud of and I'm sure everyone on here is very proud of you too! You're a real inspiration Well done!!

[David]

Congratulations!

Listen to Beethoven--not to Stevie Nicks--& you will be guided down the path of spiritual purity & drug-free cleanliness.

[daniellaaarisen]

Congrats, Mark! Proud of you!

[vivfox]

This is a copy of a note a friend e-mailed to me in response to what I wrote today.
She wrote:
Drugs are drugs whether it's pot, coke or the prescription pills I myself was addicted to and used to abuse at times in my past. Yeah, you were paranoid, alright, LOL. And I don't think you slurred your words so much as you just talked slower and became airheaded when you were high. I hated to tell you anything important when you were high cuz I knew you wouldn't remember it the next day. The smell of that **** drove me crazy, too! Do you know they make incense that smells like pot? Ew!

Ah, I remember all too good and well what it was like to have those near fatal asthma attacks when I smoked. When I had those attacks where I had to be rushed to the ER by ambulance, I didn't think I was going to make it at times! It was utterly terrifying. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes things to really come to a head before we get our act together.

Ciggies and phones used to go hand in hand for me. I think that's why I came to hate phones after quitting. Besides, I do have a hell of a lot more I do these days, too.

The only "bad" thing quitting smoking brought me was extra weight. But I'd rather stay fat than not breathe.

Congrats again, and remember, the longer you go drug and alcohol free, the less likely you will ever relapse. So keep on enjoying the new and busy you! I'm off to watch a movie before Jesse gets to engine gunning.

Hugz))

[mezzoforte]

Congratulations, Viv! What an achievement. I loved what you wrote about the music--conquering demons is obviously difficult, but opens us up to so much more of the world's beauty.

[GypsySorcerer]

Way to go, Mark!!! I'm so proud of you.