I'm Cranked Out....

[estranged4life]

Originally Posted by sara1998

What's wrong with being cynical?

it makes my day more entertaining

[The Tower]

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

I never make any of these lists.....

Oh, Homina- you're always in the back of my mind. I'm not very good at doing those stream of consciousness things. We animal lovers stick together.

Originally Posted by ontheEdgeof17

Don't fret. Me, either.

You were in there, ya 'tard.

Originally Posted by sara1998

What's wrong with being cynical?

Nothing, really. It would just be nice to have some beautiful relief every once in awhile. The last time that happened to me was when I saw The Fellowship of the Ring for the first time in the movie theater {GASP!}. That took my breath away.

Originally Posted by GODDESS6

that was my mother-in-law 110%, i say life is too short ~

That is too true. However, Jill, for sweethearts like you things must seem sunnier. You always have such a pleasant spirit. It's admirable.

Originally Posted by markolas

Maybe it's menopause?

Bitch.

It's hard not being cynical, since most people are @$$holes.

I hear ya on that one, babe.

Originally Posted by SuzeQuze

Anyway, , the holidaze suck. Try to focus on what is specifically irritating you and making you angry instead of painting a broad brush over everything with it. And please forgive my unsolicited advice.

Your advice is always solicited, mah dear. Oddly enough, I think my malaise is due to the fact that I am an eternal romantic-type optimist and things either let me down or rarely reach my desired level. Maybe I'm more ennui than pessimistic.

Originally Posted by JazmenFlowers

and true to this...I had to read it like 4 times and I'm still not sure I know what it means, but I guess that's the whole "vacuous" part, right?

Honey- it means that I think that people may see you as something lighter and more superficial than how I see you. People tend to underestimate severe Chiffonheads as classic flakes. I think you're made of a lot more that that.

Originally Posted by strandinthewind

Oh Piss Off hooker - I am 40 today. So, I really do not want to hear it...

I thought you were forty-nine going on fifty??? Who knew??

"You wait, old man, on an empty stage
For fate to turn the lights off
Your life, old man, is a tawdry novel
Full of men who wanted to get off…

You are forty-nine going on fifty
Baby, it's time to think
Better beware, be canny and careful
Baby, you're on the brink (of alzheimers)

You are forty-nine going on fifty
Fellows will fall in line
Eager young lads and rogues and cads
Will expect to buy them food and wine

Totally unprepared are you
To face a world without men
Timid and shy and scared are you
Of things beyond your den

You need someone older and wiser
Telling you what to do
I am fifty-three going on fifty-four
Honey, I'll take care of you"

BTW - did you ever see the doc. "Grey Gardens" about Jackie Kenney's insane mother and daughter cousins. That will be us one day and you are Big Edie.

I have seen that one. I would say it was depressing, except for the fact that that woman was so out of it mentally, that I sure she had no idea how awful her life was. Personally, I'm hoping for a slow slide into non-reality as well.

[strandinthewind]

^^^^

I like that one, but I was thinking more along the lines of:

Isn't it rich, are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air.
Send in the clowns.

Isn't it bliss, don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around
One who can't move
Where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns.

Just when I'd stopped opening doors,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours.
Making my entrance again with my usual flair,
Sure of my lines;
No one is there.

Don't you love farce?
My fault I fear,
I thought that you'd want what I want,
Sorry my dear
But where are the clowns
Send in the clowns
Don't bother, they're here.

Isn't it rich, isn't it queer
Losing my timing this late in my career
But where are the clowns
there ought to be clowns
Well, maybe next year.
________________________

Le Sigh

[ontheEdgeof17]

Originally Posted by The Tower

You were in there, ya 'tard.

Oh. I see it now.

[skcin]

I love how Towie came here to vent & everyone made it about whether or not they made his post. Easy for me to say, since I made it on there....

Seriously, though, I also have difficulty finding a balance between total cynicism (sp?) and ignoring things/pretending everything's just hunky-dory. I don't want to be dark & depressed all the time, but on the other hand I don't want to be blissfully ignorant either.

And this applies to everything - people and their actions, the state of our environment, health issues, the government....everything. I don't know what to say, Towie. It's really hard not to just want to give up & say screw it & think the world is a horrible hateful place. I just try to remind myself that I cannot control other people and their thoughts or actions - I can only control my reaction to them. I choose to believe that this life is a gift, and I try to think positive.

Of course, biting sarcasm helps when it all seems too overwhelming.

[Rickypt]

Well, Tower, you have been one of my favorite posters from day one. I'm not even sure why...I just always thought that's someone I would hang out with if I lived in the same area. And that's saying a lot given that you hate my city.

[estranged4life]

Originally Posted by skcin

I love how Towie came here to vent & everyone made it about whether or not they made his post. Easy for me to say, since I made it on there....

I'll never be the political expert here (Which is gldstwmn, irishgrl & strandie), the most popular or 'what have ya'...But I appreciate the acknowledgment of my music collection.

[gldstwmn]

Originally Posted by The Tower

Why am I so cranked out lately???

Ooh, my love.... I love Chris (gldstwmn) ....

I love you too baby. I think everyone goes through some kind of self reflection this time of year. Mercury just finished being retrograde and the Saturn Neptune opposition supposedly causes a lot of turmoil. that could be affecting you, if that's your thing. I've fallen in love with astrology again. What's your sign?

[sara1998]

Originally Posted by gldstwmn

I love you too baby. I think everyone goes through some kind of self reflection this time of year. Mercury just finished being retrograde and the Saturn Neptune opposition supposedly causes a lot of turmoil. that could be affecting you, if that's your thing. I've fallen in love with astrology again. What's your sign?

I'm a virgo. Any good men coming my way? Since you're in love, maybe you can figure this out for me! hahaha...

[SuzeQuze]

Originally Posted by estranged4life

I'll never be the political expert here (Which is gldstwmn, irishgrl & strandie), the most popular or 'what have ya'...But I appreciate the acknowledgment of my music collection.

You're a pillar of the Ledge.

[The Tower]

Originally Posted by skcin

And this applies to everything - people and their actions, the state of our environment, health issues, the government....everything. I don't know what to say, Towie. It's really hard not to just want to give up & say screw it & think the world is a horrible hateful place. I just try to remind myself that I cannot control other people and their thoughts or actions - I can only control my reaction to them. I choose to believe that this life is a gift, and I try to think positive.

Geoffrey and I don't even go out anymore. We got home from the grocery store late Wednesday night before Thanksgiving and Geoffrey didn't leave the house until 8:30am Monday morning... 'Course I schlepped myself out over the weekend to restock the bunker and supplies- but, otherwise, it's stay home with the doggies.

Of course, biting sarcasm helps when it all seems too overwhelming.

That's me all the time, woman.

Originally Posted by Rickypt

Well, Tower, you have been one of my favorite posters from day one. I'm not even sure why...I just always thought that's someone I would hang out with if I lived in the same area. And that's saying a lot given that you hate my city.

Yes, Sweet Ryan- I think we would enjoy each other's company, too. And, yes, I hate San Franciscians- but, the city itself is beautiful, unique and breathtaking at times. Too bad the citizenry are such jerks- present company excepted!!

Originally Posted by gldstwmn

I've fallen in love with astrology again. What's your sign?

I am an Aries with an Aquarius ascendant. I have FIVE planets in Aries and Saturn is in fall whilst being very poorly aspected. So, basically, I a hot-headed infant who likes being lazy and telling authority to go fukc themselves. Oh, well......

[JazmenFlowers]

Originally Posted by The Tower

Honey- it means that I think that people may see you as something lighter and more superficial than how I see you. People tend to underestimate severe Chiffonheads as classic flakes. I think you're made of a lot more that that.

awww.

ITA with Paula, btw. I feel like I must be bipolar at times. I'm either way, way up or in the f*ckin pits. so, been there, done that, know how you feel. you have to find something that makes you happy again and that you can look forward to. that's what I do. a reason to live? not so much. a reason to enjoy life? probably.

[amber]

This is a great post, I love it. Know why? Because it is interesting.

I knew I should have replied this morning when I first saw this, now everyone else has said stuff I was going to say, most notably and nearly exactly Paula. It's okay, though, since I'm sleeping with her husband Tower, vengeance is mine.
I'll just say it anyway.

I think it's funny that you wrote this big heartfelt deep thing with traces of despair and gobs of ennui and lots of love - and that people talked about themselves after reading all that. Or they didn't really respond to what you were saying, didn't really get to the heart of the point. No, I'm not talking about you. Any "yous" who may think I am talking about you, I am not. And people did say some cool stuff, so that is great.
I remember a few times when I posted something like that and got similar responses. Except I didn't name anyone, so it wasn't people b*tching about that, it was people totally not getting the point or tone of what I said. No big, just funny. Not haha funny, frustrating, might-as-well-ignore-it funny.

Originally Posted by The Tower

Why am I so cranked out lately???

Why do people seem to be such selfish, thoughtless jerks???


Moreover, why do I feel like my compassion and love for humanity is slowly draining away from me?

Why am I questioning everything related to I or me?

Bleh.

I think it is a good sign that you are questioning these things. It means that at some point you actually had compassion and love for humanity, so in theory, you could regain it. I, personally, think it's pointless - I have love for individual humans, compassion. As for humankind, the most I can muster is a kind of hope for some kind of equality and fairness. Love and compassion for the whole human race? I think not. But I do think that it may be harder for you/anyone to be happy if you are actively almost constantly disgusted with everyone. I don't really have more of an answer, as I am nearly constantly irritated/disgusted by someone. Thankfully, I am just as often inspired and uplifted by someone. Okay, lots of times that "someone" is Stevie's voice, but... Seriously, there are many people doing wonderful things, or just being wonderful in some way. That is more of a distraction from the despair and disgust, rather than a literal balance to it, but I take what I can.
Is it really your astrological place to question yourself? hehe.

Originally Posted by Towering Inferno

I'm tired of being cynical (although I have damn good reasons to be so). I wish I were more gay like Strand, or more superficially-vacuous-yet-actually-full-of-meaning-that-one-doesn't-know-about like Jizzy. Or more grounded and snappy-cool-resiliant, like Amber. Or more hot-on-the-verge-of-being-able-to-do-anyone-I-want like Ryan. Or more cute and "Gee, I could easily see myself waking up in the morning sleeping next to Curtis whilst laying in 500 bazillion count threads knowing a plane trip was on the scchhhedule...."

All these people are very cool, and it is easy to think that if you were different, or your life more fun, that you would be happier and have a brighter world view. I was thinking that very same thing as my best friend sunned herself and her new boobs and went swimming with sea lions etc. in Acapulco during Thanksgiving Vacation. Digress. Are any of these personality traits better than your own? I doubt it, but you seem to be speaking more of a desire to have a mind free of cynicism, doubt, knowlege of bad things, and perhaps think if you had different traits, your mind would be more like that. A desire to be free of your own mind and it's dark knowlege and emotions. Or I could be totally jacked up and projecting. The night before last I wrestled for hours with the utter intrinsic meaninglessness of life, my own and others'. I decided that there is no meaning, really, except for the fact that what we do affects others - I kind of concluded that the only thing worth existing for is whatever you think is fun, and most other things are hard and a pain in the ass and bring sorrow or ennui. And that is the true nature of life, it is a series of challenges that you have to overcome to keep existing - what for? No reason really, except to do whatever you think is fun. Everything else is just a big a**hole neverending chore that you have to slog through, including the knowlege that everything really is messed up, and lots of people really are a-holes. I thought about a lot of other stuff related to that, of course. I couldn't stop crying for so long. Even into the next day, I was like a raw wound. It has subsided a bit today. Looks like the same time as you thought this stuff.
I guess I kind of agree with you, then - it would be great to do/feel what you think is fun, be however you want to be, as those are the only things that distract us from the largely empty and possibly painful necessary actions of our lives. Hmm, that wasn't really uplifting, but it is pretty true. The bad thing is that learning is fun, but ignorance is bliss, if you see what I mean. The more you know, the more bad things you know, and you can't go back. You must seek joy, and create joy. You must actively dismiss from your mind
I am sooo wondering if that makes sense. It makes sense to me.

Originally Posted by Tower of Power

Ah, me.... ah, me..... me. me. Hmmmmm.... Me.

Bwaaaahhhhh! So funny, and more so because it totally reminded me of my dad.

Originally Posted by all along the watchTower

Um. I'm really not that self-centered. I could really see myself as Johnny Stew (Brian), except, he and I are absolute icy cold polar opposites. Although, the ironic thing is that I love him BECAUSE he's my polar opposite and that his magnetic opposition gives me something to attract to- me. me. me. me.

I didn't know you liked Stew! That is great. Self centered? Meh. *shrug* Who are you supposed to be thinking about? As long as you listen when people talk and respond to what they actually said and not talk about yourself, then no one will notice.

Originally Posted by leaningTowerofpizza...mmm, pizza

Mean people suck. A former collegue of mine who finally came out (as a dyke) who had completely treated me like **** for years (because she was "management" - yeah right) tried to pull the "I'm not mean" **** on her MySpace and then did the whole "mean people suck" routine. Yeah, right. Lemme tell ya- if yer that much of an outta control judgemental {bleep}, you're mean. It comes with the territory.

So would you say that since she is mean all the time, that is heinous, not to mention denying it - but if regular people are mean at times...as we both have been (for example)...what is that? Since you think mean people suck, do you feel bad when you are "mean"? I do sometimes, sometimes not. Bout half and half.

Holy crap, I love Sparky- and I mean that in it's most holiest of forms. And Nixxxed (Chucky). And Markolas (Marky). And Moony (Dan-O). And TakenByTheSky (Sweet Justin). OY!!!

I love this entire group of people as well (edited version). Your taste in this one paragraph is impeccable...

Ooh, my love.... I love Chris (gldstwmn) and Suze and FREEEKING Paula!!! Jeezus, that woman..... if I were straight (which will never happen in this space-time-continuum), she would be my old lady, and I would be her old man.... although, I'd be shacking up with Amber in Grand Old 70's style....

Mmmhmm, mmmhmm.
I'm glad your superior insight easily put me in my correct category, that of "mistress" rather than "wife", and put us out in Grand Old 70's style. Paula, enjoy your T.V. watching while fictional straight Tower from the past and I go to hot parties, meet hot people, do hot drugs, sing hot songs, and be hot extras on hot TV shows. And wear hot clothes. Fictional Tower and I are bound to meet Stevie at one of these parties. Since we all live in L.A. Sorry your fictional past self will have to move to California to be with your alternate space time continuum husband. Okay, I'll stop.

I'm sorry you are struggling with this a bit. I've been struggling with similar, related things. MOst of my life, really. The worst part is thinking that your whole life might be how it is now, you may feel the same ways most of the time, and all your patterns will repeat over and over. And that the world will likely get suckier and suckier, people too. It's fine if your good patterns repeat, but what about the not so helpful ones? Like cynical, irritated thought patterns for instance. These things are hard to change. For many, impossible. I choose to not think it is impossible. It gives me something to do. I hope you work it out okay, and try to enjoy yourself. I must now relay the obligatory "you need to exercise to get your endorphins happening so you will be happier" message.
Still, ennui is hard to escape. Especially if you really think about life.
But the moon has been in Pisces, and it moves to Aries tomorrow, so you'll probably feel better then. Hopefully you'll have some kind of catharsis, and it won't involve weeping off and on for hours.

Lastly, I thought of another upside - You like and admire more people from here than I do, I mean actively, so isn't that good? Your tolerance and compassion for humanity is at least higher than mine. I think I laugh a lot more than you, but it's not a contest, I was just saying...hahaha.

I figure you'll finish reading this whole thing in about a week or so, no rush, it's a little long...*snicker*.

Love.

"Here's a love so fragile, and a heart so hollow..."

*I'm glad I didn't totally read everyone else's posts before, as it appears I've said basically the same thing, but in a way longer version. I like to think I went more indepth...lol.

[JazmenFlowers]

Towie - saw this, thought of you, had to post.

[GypsySorcerer]

I went back and read this thread awhile back when I was on a downer. It's kind of a forgotten gem, but I had tears rolling by the time I got to the end. http://ledge.fleetwoodmac.net/showthread.php?t=18583