The worst way to break up

[GardenStateGirlie]

Originally Posted by Mad4stevie

Well . . . this is pretty personal, but what the hell.

In 2000, I was engaged to be married. I had been working extra long hours, and a co-worker was supposedly interested in me (according to the "busy-bodies" in my workplace). One week before I got married, I called the whole thing off and told my ex to move out. It was totally the right decision for me because I would have ended up divorced if we had married. But it was totally sucky for me to wait as long as I did (although I was trying to convince myself that I really could marry the guy).

Anyway, about two months later, the co-worker approaches me and asks me out. We went out and end up dating for 9 months. The relationship ended when I caught him with another man. Yes, there, I said it. However, that relationship was bad way before that incident, as he was pretty emotionally and verbally abusive to me. Thank God for good therapists!

Oh sweetie...good grief. 9 months?! Wow. Glad that things have worked out for you though

[GardenStateGirlie]

Originally Posted by darklinensuit

I'm always gentle & courteous when I break up, but the reactions of some of the psychopaths is legendary amongst my friends. Throwing plates, screaming, etc. (Gee, I wonder WHY I decided to break up with you? ) Lots of stories. And that's all I'm saying.

- Jake

Honey, do they really need a reason?? And you can't say "lots of stories" and then not dish. However, I can imagine...they'd have to be crazy to date you

[Johnny Stew]

Originally Posted by darklinensuit

But then you'd still be stuck with him. Who needs someone with a wandering eye?

Oh, don't get me wrong, Jake... I'm definitely better off without him.
I was just saying that HE wasn't better off without ME.

[darklinensuit]

Originally Posted by Mad4stevie

Well . . . this is pretty personal, but what the hell.

In 2000, I was engaged to be married. I had been working extra long hours, and a co-worker was supposedly interested in me (according to the "busy-bodies" in my workplace). One week before I got married, I called the whole thing off and told my ex to move out. It was totally the right decision for me because I would have ended up divorced if we had married. But it was totally sucky for me to wait as long as I did (although I was trying to convince myself that I really could marry the guy).

Anyway, about two months later, the co-worker approaches me and asks me out. We went out and end up dating for 9 months. The relationship ended when I caught him with another man. Yes, there, I said it. However, that relationship was bad way before that incident, as he was pretty emotionally and verbally abusive to me. Thank God for good therapists!

My mom dumped her fiance, a cop, when she met my father. The cop went on to marry a Philly anchorwoman, and years later when my mom met her through community activities, she saw that the woman was wearing the same ring that my mo used to wear.

Sorry for the tangent. Glad you're doing better, mad4stevie.

- Jake

[darklinensuit]

Originally Posted by GardenStateGirlie

Honey, do they really need a reason?? And you can't say "lots of stories" and then not dish. However, I can imagine...they'd have to be crazy to date you

No argument. I've come to believe that if she isn't crazy, I haven't known her long enough.

You I've known for too long.

- Jake

[darklinensuit]

Originally Posted by Johnny Stew

Oh, don't get me wrong, Jake... I'm definitely better off without him.
I was just saying that HE wasn't better off without ME.

So it's a win-win.

- Jake

[dissention]

I think the worst way to break up is being the one not to break it up.

[GardenStateGirlie]

Originally Posted by darklinensuit

You I've known for too long.

- Jake

Hey. Watch it. Don't make me use the good china!

[amber]

Originally Posted by DeeGeMe

On the phone. A week after I'd lost my job. It was one of those "I quit--no, you're fired scenarios". Anyway, Mr. "It's All About Me" informed me that I needed to go back to the TV station and beg for my job back, even though he knew it was slowly killing me inside. In a phone conversation that lasted for at least three hours (!), he told me that it was the best job that I'd ever have and that I'd never do any better. That he just couldn't understand what my problem was (this from the man whose father had bankrolled his business and who had never worked for anyone other than himself). Then he reeled off a laundry list of his complaints about my problems (he of course has no faults, at least not according to him).

Long story short, I was dumped after seven years with this joker. Two months later, I was hired as a writer/researcher by a government agency. Two years after that, I was lured away by a private company, doing the same thing-at twice the salary. Four years down the road since Mr. Self-Involved dumped me, I'm happy to report that I own my own home, have a flashy sports car (paid for), finally got all my credit cards paid off, finally have a healthy savings account, and more importantly, now make more than twice what I ever did in my best year in TV. And how is Mr. "You'll Never do Any Better than a TV Job" doing these days? His business went belly-up about two years ago--right around the time he called me up--letting me know that he'd be willing to "take me back". Gee, what a prince.

I think that the way a person breaks up with you is indictative of who they are as a person. Non-classy break-up method indicates non-classy person. And the phone (and e-mail & IM and all that jazz) is just a tacky, tacky, tacky way to do it. And don't tell the other person a long list of what's wrong with them. Discuss why you think you need to break up with them and do it in an honest & truthful way and even if you don't believe it, admit at least 50% of the blame as to why the relationship didn't work. No one is perfect.

In hindsight, I realize he made me so angry that I was determined to be a success no matter what. Part of that was falling into a job which turned out to be my true calling in life. The other half was sheer determination to give him a big ole' FU. And I did. It must suck to be him these days but I've never been happier or more successful.

Oh--p.s. to the story--less than a month later after he broke up with me, he was dating someone else. After two years with him, she'd gained 50 pounds, had a nervous breakdown, and had dumped him in the middle of a restaurant after slapping the **** out of him in front of his own family (some special occasion or other)! He actually admitted all of this to me when he made his generous offer to take me back. He was using it as yet another example of how all of his girlfriends (me included) eventually began to "go crazy" on him. He said he thought he just attracted the crazies. I told him very sweetly, that maybe the problem wasn't the women he dated--maybe that it was his controlling, possessive, and highly jealous nature that made them crazy. Of course, he rejected that notion. Just as I rejected his oh-so-kind and generous offer to take MY crazy ass back.

I LOVE your story! Just wanted to say that. I dated a "you suck, and i have no faults and you'll never amount to anything and i'm trying to be a musician/screenwriter cause my parents are rich so i can look down on people even though I don't really work" guy! Wonder if it was the same guy? Anyway, Kudos on your success.
Amber
By the way, I am a perpetrator of a non-classy breakup Just one, and i was 21...

[darklinensuit]

Originally Posted by GardenStateGirlie

Hey. Watch it. Don't make me use the good china!

Hey, if you buy it on the boardwalk, it's not the good china.

- Jake

[MammaTango]

Back in high school I was a cashier. My BF's friend came and bought some gum. He dropped my class ring on the counter and informed me that my BF wanted to break up and wanted his ring back.
Gotta love those teenage years!

[GardenStateGirlie]

Originally Posted by darklinensuit

Hey, if you buy it on the boardwalk, it's not the good china.

- Jake

Oops...sorry, i meant chinette...you know, the throw away plates

[darklinensuit]

Originally Posted by MammaTango

Back in high school I was a cashier. My BF's friend came and bought some gum. He dropped my class ring on the counter and informed me that my BF wanted to break up and wanted his ring back.
Gotta love those teenage years!

So you spat on it and put it in the friend's hand, right?

- Jake

[DeeGeMe]

Originally Posted by amber

I LOVE your story! Just wanted to say that. I dated a "you suck, and i have no faults and you'll never amount to anything and i'm trying to be a musician/screenwriter cause my parents are rich so i can look down on people even though I don't really work" guy! Wonder if it was the same guy? Anyway, Kudos on your success.
Amber
By the way, I am a perpetrator of a non-classy breakup Just one, and i was 21...

Well, it sounds like they might have been related. Joe's parents had more money than God or as I liked to call their family "Ten Million Ways to Be Dysfunctional." And just for you, I'll amend my rules and allow all the Ledgies at least one non-classy break-up. Because it looks like quite a few of us have dated some non-classy people in our day!

P.S.: I should have known better than to date a Republican!

[darklinensuit]

Originally Posted by GardenStateGirlie

Oops...sorry, i meant chinette...you know, the throw away plates

I can handle that stuff being thrown at me. Go for it.

- Jake