The Writing Thread

[jaycee]

Originally Posted by BrokenHearted

Father

I bit my tongue
He beat me up
He cut my chord
When I was born

He made me from himself
Should I call him "God"?
He buried me in the sod
He let me rot

He fed me from bottles when I was five
He bled me of a life
I was up all night
Staring at the white's of cows' eyes

I'm too young for you
I'm too old for sucking thumbs
I'm so ****ing dumb
I've become a bum

He copied me with his ink
I'm a copycat, copy written
He slopily left a stink
Once shy, twice bitten

He fed me from hoses when I was five
He fed me his lies
I stayed up all night
Staring at the white's of his eyes

That was a very dark poem, but nonetheless very well written! However, the fourth verse doesn't seem to fit well with the rest, although I can't quite articulate why... Anyway, thanks for a great addition to the thread!

[BrokenHearted]

Originally Posted by jaycee

That was a very dark poem, but nonetheless very well written! However, the fourth verse doesn't seem to fit well with the rest, although I can't quite articulate why... Anyway, thanks for a great addition to the thread!

Thank you for your compliment, and I agree about the fourth verse but not sure what to do with it yet.

[BrokenHearted]

Bump. I hate to keep reviving this thread, but I hate it seeing die, especially with all these very talented members sharing their work. Please, let me know if I'm beating a dead horse.



Like The Others Do

Don't make me
Don't make me think that...
I'm a waste
Don't break me...

Like the others do
I get a taste
Of what I'm faking
When I'm with you
I get a taste
Of what I'm taking
Of something new...

With your powders, your pills, and your pen and pad
You make me feel... not so bad
In a world gone mad, had up by us people
All I want is a needle
To be in the arms
Of an angel...

Like the others do
I get a sense
Of what I'm faking
When I'm with you
I get a taste
Of what I'm taking
To be not like I used to be

And all the empty
Melts away
And all misery
Doesn't need me today
Too selfish for company
And all the empty
Just melts away

Like the others do
I get a taste
Oh what I'm taking
To not be like I use to be
When I'm all blue
In a green, green world of taking
What didn't used to

And here is an apology
For who I used to be
And here is an apology
For who I am now
And here is an apology
It's all you can get from me

Now...

[Musicman408]

No need to apologize at ALL!!!! This is one of my favorite threads- fantastic writing by the way!!!

[Musicman408]

Just wrote this this morning, as of right now, the running title is "The Regathering"

Verse:
She speaks some slower,
so no one hears what she's thinking.
To playfully ride in the back,
of somebody's fulsome gray stagecoach.
The bar's been set above the Lancaster ceiling.
Yet she could only imagine where to begin.

He stares behind the stark white sand of September.
Pretending on why, for years it's been alone.
The handsome skies, are bleeding such crimson right now,
As he hands it all on the plaster wall.

Chorus:
The same old story's the show now.
With the same talented players, with the same parts.
Some stately man sits upon the window.
As he watches the glass reform after the fall.
Everyone else runs together, joining hands, laughing.
Two unmet lovers decide upon the regathering.

Her thoughts grow slower as she steps onto the stage.
She sets the pages down, the yellowing with age.
He's nearly on the other side of the Rudy long mile.
Sitting back at home- he begins to write awhile.

Chorus

The story transpires- like it's never been done before.
Mr. Rudy falls down, but then he meets Eleanor.
They run into each other like some pre planned meeting.
Then they hold hands atop the Lancaster ceiling.



So, what do we think??????