Michael Jackson heart problem

[becca]

I've taken some time out to meditate. Everytime MJ is suddenly pushed in my face I've had a reexperience of something from my past so that I get part angry and part panicky. It's gotten confused with my own attackers getting credit for being accomplished at something and I guess I want to fight back and discredit any person like that. I wonder if coverage of Jackson brings that kind of stuff up for others? If I'd been ruined financially by some money guru I trusted perhaps Madoff coverage would be 'retraumatising'?

But... reading some of this stuff I called a waste of time maybe I can see it's possible Jackson could've been some kind of messed up person who couldn't relate in an adult way in some regards, and genuinely liked opportunities to function at a 12 year old level socially without any sexual assaulting going on. It's hard to imagine but... maybe. On the surface it sure looks like a powerful adult man using other people's kids and lavishing gifts etc., and I still think with his money he could've gotten serious help to grow out of it even if he was in denial about something. Way back before all the inforamtion I used to think maybe he should have a sex change, had a motherly type of love for kids, although the sexually aggressive wanting to seem tough dance moves seemed to contradict that.

Okay, I feel sorry for him a little now, I guess that's a change. I don't think I can enjoy or appreciate the music again like I did when Off The Wall first came out, and so for me he is just another funk-disco artist of the past like Carl Carlton or whoever.