I'm bored so I'll make a "Joke" thread!

[Nixxxed]

I was up late last night, and caught Mitch Hedwig's half-hour special on Comedy Central. I laughed so loud I was sure I would wake up the neighbors. Here are a couple of his bits that really tickled me:

(obviously, these are paraphrased. If I could remember them word-for-word, I'd do standup myself... )

"I want to be a racecar PASSENGER. I think it would be really exciting. Then, I could ask the driver, 'Can't you go any faster? Do we have to keep driving around in circles? Gee, you must really like TIDE!!!' "

"I really hate it when someone on the street hands me a flyer. It's like they're saying to me, 'Here, YOU throw this away...' "