January 6, 2009-January 6, 2011

[vivfox]

Today I can proudly say I am drug and alcohol free for two years!!!

Marijuana was my drug of choice. Sadly, I allowed myself to be higher than a kite throughout most of my adult life. Often I would shrug off the idea that I was a drug addict because I wasn't lying in an alley with a needle sticking out of my arm. I never tried "hard" drugs with the exception of cocaine. In my entire life I probably only did coke 20 times or less. Stevie would be proud. Marijuana was always enough for me.

Now that I have been clean, I can feel the effects it had on me that while under the influence I was completely unaware of. For example, are you aware that you slur your words when you are high? It's true. Two different friends told me I did that and that's how they could tell I was high when we talked on the phone. I used to be paranoid, always thinking the "strange man" was coming up the staircase to "get me." I thought I was paranormally psychic. Seeing or feeling the presents of ghosts just means you're high, nothing else. Even if you're not currently smoking, that sh%t lives in your system to destroy. It finally caused me to have lack of breathing attacks in the middle of the night. I'd wake up choking, begging my Higher Power to let me breathe so I could live. I have sleep apnea and have to sleep with a breathing mask on my face every night. The mask is connected to a machine by a tube. It's a pain in the a@@ to wear this thing. But I do it because it saves my life. A full two years later and I still have this breathing problem.

All of you pot and cigarette smokers beware because this breathing machine could be a fact of your future as well.

In 2003 I stopped smoking Pot with the intention of quitting for life. Without anyone's help I figured I'd be successful at it. Three weeks in when I felt the need to get high I drank some red wine. Merlot tasted good and gave me a quick buzz. For the next few months I drank wine on weekends only. But then the weekends started to increase to weekdays too and soon I realized that I was developing a desire for alcohol. I also drank tequilla, straight from the bottle.

Music and pot always went hand in hand. Forget about going to a concert unless I could get high there.

I decided to start smoking pot again because it was obvious to me I was not ready to surrender. From that point forward I enjoyed shots of tequilla with my marijuana. Most of the time I just smoked and occassionally I would drink with it.

Because of the sleep apnea attacks in late 2008 I decided it was time to stop. And stop everything! on January 5,2009 I smoked my last joint and drank my last shot.
I surrendered! I asked my Higher Power to take away the desire to use and to please keep me busy. The very next day the music in the car sounded better than it ever had when I was high. I could hear subtle nuances in the songs that I never had heard before. From that day forward I have been so busy I can barely keep up with myself. I'm always busy and I'm never bored. I love the "new" me.


In Narcotics Anonymous we are taught that "one is too many and a thousand is never enough."