Depression Meds

[daniellaaarisen]

I'm actually glad this thread came up, because for the first time in my life, I'm taking psychiatric medication and I'm not very happy about it. I kinda got coerced into this entire thing. I had to go see a psychiatrist to up my Ambien dose (yay insomnia) and she was like, "your mom called and said you have huge anxiety issues. She wants me to prescribe you something."

To make a really really long story as short as possible, I'm taking Lexapro for my apparent anxiety issues, NOT depression. Right now I'm only taking 5 mg tablets but I'm eventually supposed to go up to 10. I'm generally opposed to taking medications for a variety of reasons.
a) Although my worrying/anxiety/overanalyzing definitely makes my life a little more difficult, I LIKE overthinking everything in a weird way. I just want to feel like I understand how my own life works-- I want to constantly care. I have no idea if this is healthy or not, but whatever. It undoubtedly plays a huge part in my writing and how I process things; I don't think I'd be nearly as artistically inclined if I wasn't like this. I only started Lexapro two weeks ago so we'll see what happens. I'm already feeling weirdly content with life and letting things go.... its almost disconcerting. Hah.
b) I've spent my entire life watching my mom suffer with depression, bi-polar disorder and at one point, potentially schitzophrenia or something similar?? (she used to literally talk to dead people aloud, even in public-- she's talked to a therapist about it but never a psychiatrist, so we don't really know). Because of this, she's taken a wide variety of medications and I've seen both the best and worst sides of it. I just never wanted to get involved in that. I don't like associating myself with her own mental issues, and by taking medication for myself, I instantly connect my own issues with hers. I've spoken with many pschiatrists and have even had my brain scanned a few times, but I've never been diagnosed with anything but insomnia. It still petrifies me to think that I could ever be like her in this regard.

I don't even know. I'm taking the pills because everyone wants to see me "happy" and stress-free. It sure is easier already and I'm sleeping better at night because of it. I'm just not feeling particularly motivated to do anything with myself on a creative level because I'm not mildly tortured about anything.... this sounds crazy, I know, but I seriously thrive off of that. I'm too happy, damnit!