I Have The Solution!

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Is the lack of fresh Mac getting you down? Have you stopped caring about the band as a whole, and are now just focusing on a single member like they're the only one the matters?

I have a solution to your problems.

Meet MacDaddy. He/it is the result of merging every single member of FM since 1967 into a single musical life form. Now, he hasn't been actually manufactured yet, but bear with me a minute.

Imagine a rugged young English bluesman, bedecked in a leather jacket and velvet legwarmers, belting out charming pop-rock love songs in front of his Hammond organ with neck-vein bulging intensity. Or a sophisticated English tea lady spinning tales of Welsh witches while slapping her electronic drum vest and producing commercially viable boutique albums in her sprawling underground studio in her spare time. Or even a mulleted American rock star wrapped in a black shawl, performing a 15 minute blues jam while mumbling away about cycles and bunny-hopping across the stage?

MacDaddy would give you all that, and more. Now, I'm well aware of the dangers of genetic engineering, and MacDaddy would certainly be an emotionally unstable person. I mean, he'd certainly be sleeping around with his other personalities, and it's easy to see him screaming "you'll never get away from the woman that loved you!", trying to strangle himself, throwing condoms-turned-water balloons at the audience, and kicking himself in front of half of New Zealand. All at the same time. Of course, we've all come to expect this sort of schizophrenia from the Mac, but that just adds to the fun, right?

So, put in a vote for the creation of MacDaddy...a vote for MacDaddy ensures a new album by 2011, and the end of this messy Lindsey/Stevie business. And he can play tambourine, guitar, bass guitar, drums, maracas, cowbell, and accordion at the same time, thanks to his multiple bionic limbs. Just don't get to close, or he'll strangle you while hugging you at the same time.