Tusk: The Story Behind the Story

[CarneVaca]

[It's Thursday evening. Two songs are finished, and it has taken the band only three months to do them. Over drinks, and other substances, the band discusses the album's name]

Mick: Damn, man, I just spilled wine all over my tusk.

Christine: Your what?

Lindsey: Ha ha, it's his...

Stevie: Guys! Can you knock it off?

John: Pass me another, will you? Aahhh.

Mick hoists himself from the sofa, runs to the washroom.

Lindsey: We gotta come up with a name for this thing.

Christine: Well, of course we do, but shouldn't we record some more songs first?

Stevie: How about Ghost in the Cathouse?

Lindsey: Blaah... How about Total and Utter Nonsense?

Stevie: Well, how about The Biggest Guitar-Slinging Asshole in the World?

Lindsey: Oh, yeah? How about...

Christine: Kids, kids. Cut it out, will you?

John: Pass me another. (Belches thunderously.) A Thought bubble appears over his head: This rock 'n roll life is too rough. I oughta move to the Bahamas and open a boat charter business. Ooh, yeah, Bahama mama.

Lindsey: Where the hell's Mick? Hey, Mick, we gotta get back to work. I want to practice that riff I showed you yesterday. I've got some words too: "Why don't you tell me who's No. 1?" Thought bubble directly over his ego: Why, you, of course, Lindsey. "Why don't you tell me who's on the telephone? Toom tum toom. Ta tah ta."

Meanwhile, in the washroom, Mick stands in front of the mirror rehearsing his stage faces. He makes his eyes bulge out so far, they nearly crack the mirror.

Mick: Yeah, that was pretty good. Let's try raising my left brow up, up, up. Contorting the left corner of my mouth down, down... down. One more millimet... Ouch!

He walks back in, saying to himself: Tusk, he he, that's a good one. He sings: "Tusk, toom tu tum. Just tell me that you want me." Hey, that's pretty good. Lindsey. Hey, Liiiinndsey!! I just came up with a good lyric.

Lindsey: You did!? Look, let's go to the booth and work on that riff. You said you came up with a cool jungle beat.

[Two hours later, John, Lindsey and Mick have most of the song down.

Lindsey: Hey, why don't we call the song "Tusk?"

Mick: Excellent idea, lad. How about we call the whole album Tusk?

Lindsey: Yeah, good name for a song, but not an album. Pleeaase. How stupid...

Bubble over Mick's head: Little snot-nosed punk. Wouldn't know a good album name if it nipped him in the ego. Oh, yeah, note to self: When I get around to writing that book I've been planning, make sure to take the credit for this "Tusk" song.

[What will happen next? Will the album be named Tusk? Will Stevie and Lindsey get along? Will they EVER record any more songs for this thing? Find out in the next episode of Tusk: The Story Behind the Story.]