I finally reviewed 'Rumours'

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I wrote this for Epinions.com earlier today. You can throw rocks at me if you want to. But if you don't want to throw rocks at me, you can always read it here: http://www.epinions.com/content_291002158724

Introduction
Have I finally gone nuts? Me, handing out anything less than four stars for a Fleetwood Mac album, and not just any Fleetwood Mac album, but their most iconic, career-defining album? The same album that sold 34 quadrillion copies and is revered by critics as one of the greatest pop albums of all time?

Bear with me a minute, folks. I'm one of those crazy people they call a "Fleetwood Mac fan." Contrary to popular belief, not all of us are 60 years old and living on Geritol. Many of the fans I know in "real life" (read: the internet) weren't even alive when Rumours came out. Whatever my dysfunction might be, I seem to find more in their music than most rational human beings.

As a fan, I've gone out of my way to download concert bootleg Mp3s and videos. Just don't tell anyone or the Mick Fleetwood hit squads will be after me. While I've downloaded a fair share of stinkers, the really good live performances are so good I wonder why the band even bothered to make studio albums. Basically, I've been spoiled. I can't listen to the album versions of Dreams, Don't Stop, The Chain, Oh Daddy, and Gold Dust Woman anymore without cringing.

The Album
For anyone who doesn’t know already, Fleetwood Mac wasn’t exactly the happiest band in 1976. This sordid soap opera has been hashed out endlessly before, so I’ll make it quick and easy. Mick Fleetwood was on the outs with his wife, Jenny. Christine and John McVie had descended into rampant alcoholism, and weren’t talking about much but divorce. Stevie Nicks, tired of Lindsey Buckingham sleeping with his guitar, dumped him in an apparently unladylike manner, and became even more of a crazy, knee-biting biotch than before. Lindsey became a paranoid control freak, reworking his guitar parts until the master tapes almost melted. He then spent the next 20 years blaming Stevie for his misfortune every time his toilet backed up.

And of course, they all did lots of drugs.

Basically, this means that Rumours is a sunny California pop-rock album filled with songs about divorce, heartbreak, and infidelity. Granted, most of it is probably a cocaine-fueled delusion, and some of the lyrics come across as spiteful for the sake of being spiteful. Then again, shacking up is all you sorry lot of damnable lousy lovers ever want to do!!!

The Songs
Rumours opens with Second Hand News, Lindsey’s ode to "laying down in the tall grass and doing his stuff." Presumably, this involves slipping his hand inside someone’s glove and doing the rattlesnake shake. There’s no bass and almost no drums, which means Lindsey scats "bam-bam-bam" throughout the chorus, while Christine kneels on the floor and slaps a chair for percussive effect. Cute, eh? It’s a fun song, and gets almost no radio play, so I’m still far from tired of it.

Stevie's Dreams sounds like the sort of song a teenage girl might listen to while clutching her diary and crying. Of course, that doesn’t stop me from actually liking the song. Stevie was fighting a massive head cold during Rumours’s production, which tends to show through in this song all too often. Still, there’s something oddly haunting about it - the very idea of someone becoming so lonely their heartbeat literally drives them mad makes my skin crawl. Perhaps it’s the romantic in me talking?

Never Going Back Again is a short acoustic song where Lindsey basically says "Well, bad things have happened in the past, but in the future, everyone’s gonna envy me and nothing will go wrong!" Nice thinking Lindsey, but a little naive. Unfortunately, NGBA has become overly long and melodramatic when played live. Don’t Stop isn’t really that bad of a song, except that Bill Clinton drove it into the ground during his 1993 presidential campaign. It’s hard to believe today that such a chipper song could have driven John McVie to tears during the album’s production, or that it used to be a blues shuffle.

Ever hear a song so many times you wonder if the person who wrote it died? That’s the feeling I get with Lindsey’s open invitation for a platform boot enema, Go Your Own Way. Frankly, I’m tired of this song, and can’t help but roll my eyes when I hear it. Not only are the lyrics confusing (I don’t wanna love you, why won’t you love me, you useless slut? Go away!), but it spawned a million whiny Emo songs about young men getting dumped. Yes, I know, it’s brilliant produced and soul-baring and so on, but give it a rest already!

In the words of Christine McVie, Songbird is "about nobody and everybody…in retrospect, it’s like an anthem…a little prayer of sorts." I agree with her - it’s a touching song that’s far removed from the chaos of the rest of the album. It was recorded "live" at Zellerback Auditorium at the University of California, although the piano and vocal segments were recorded separately.

The Chain is another "pop song" that occasionally gives me the creeps. What could cause someone to literally damn someone’s love, just 18 months after wistfully pondering just what love is? The Chain is the only song that was ever co-written by everyone in the band, but the lyrics have Stevie written all over them. It’s probably the tightest song they ever performed, so tight you wonder how they managed to see through all the cocaine and petty bitterness.

You Make Loving Fun is a relic of the disco era today, and just like everything else from that era, sounds pretty dated today. Well, if it really is a disco song, I’ll just have to swallow my pride and say it’s the only one I like. Silly lyrics, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t obscenely infectious. I Don’t Want To Know is better known today as "that song that replaced Silver Springs." It’s a nice little pop-rock song that Lindsey and Stevie sing together throughout (why can’t they do that anymore?) It’s basically a "in one ear, out the other" deal; no long-lasting impact, and Mick must have had a tin ear when he dropped Silver Springs for it.

Christine’s Middle Eastern-tinged Oh Daddy is synth-heavy, depressing, and rather bizarre. I’m assuming it’s about a co-dependent relationship, "daddy" representing drugs, alcohol, John McVie - whatever. The production is way too heavy, and the stripped-down live versions are far superior. The final song is Gold Dust Woman, which is honestly one of the weaker versions of the song. Stevie is really fighting her cold here, and at times her voice is annoyingly nasal. On the other hand, the live version from Fleetwood Mac’s 1997 reunion video The Dance is downright electrifying, and some of the older bootlegs of it are spine-tingling.

Parting Thoughts
If you asked a serious Fleetwood Mac fan what their favorite album was, not many would say Rumours. Nine out of ten times they’d say Then Play On, Mystery To Me, or Tusk. I wouldn't disagree with them. Rumours’s biggest claim to fame is it’s out-of-control sales (31 Platinum, last time I checked) and it’s rather shameless airing of dirty laundry. Perhaps they went hand-in-hand. Placed within the context of the band’s discography, it’s just a little too glossy and accessible at times. It also placed unreasonable expectations on Fleetwood Mac, forcing them to up the soap opera ante, and that every album afterwards would be considered a "flop" in comparison.

At the end of the day, there’s not a single bad song on Rumours. I can listen to this album without skipping any tracks. A year ago, I would have been smothering it with praise. However, upon further reflection, it’s really not as amazing as it’s made out to be.