Heiligenstadt Testament Questions, Comment

[David]

1. If Beethoven ultimately wants his hearing malady described publicly ("You my brothers Carl and [-----] as soon as I am dead if Dr. Schmid is still alive ask him in my name to describe my malady and attach this document to the history of my illness so that so far as possible at least the world may become reconciled with me after my death"), why is he paralyzed by the terror of discovery of that malady at the time of his writing? If he genuinely believes that others will understand him & forgive him for his eccentricities & perhaps even his ill humor, why would he not want others to be informed as soon as possible?

2. It's interesting to see Beethoven's words about joy ("grant me at least but one day of pure joy - it is so long since real joy echoed in my heart - O when - O when, O Divine One - shall I find it again in the temple of nature and of men - Never?") in the Testament addenda & then to compare them with his use of the "Joy" ode in the Ninth. It's almost as if, in the bounding, cosmic Ninth, he were finding answers to problems he posed to himself in the Testament, approximately twenty years earlier. It's very moving in that sense.

3. Not the Testament, but the June 1801 letter to Franz Wegeler: What on earth does Beethoven mean (I know he was prone to exaggeration & irrationality & even sort of a persecution complex) when he says, "If my enemies, of whom I have a fair number, were to hear about it [hearing loss], what would they say?"? This conception he has of his "enemies" in Vienna & abroad & the extreme anxiety he seems to have about their learning of his malady -- what part (if any) does it play in the Testament? What specifically is the cause of this paralyzing anxiety he was feeling -- NOT just that he was losing his hearing but that certain people would find out about it?