Random Thoughts/Express Yourself...Part II

[eclipse]

Originally Posted by lagringader&r

As long as we're on this subject, I have a few things to say. I know it won't matter one way or the other what I say because I'm not one of the group. I don't have anything insightful, witty or super-intelligent to say but I do post a lot (Amber, you told me this is what makes people pay attention and respond). I posted that my dad is dying and it's conflicting for me because he split when I was a kid and made it clear he never wanted a kid. A few people said something. In this thread, only one even noticed that I hadn't posted for a few days and cared where I was. Mari, thank you! The other topic was complaints about being single. The responses to that topic (which is essentially much more important than my father losing his life) got pages and pages of responses, sympathy and backslapping. Not that not having a date Friday night isn't serious business. It is. But, don't say this board isn't a popularity contest because it is. I'm meaningless and therefore my father's desertion and death is, too. I don't have a hard time calling it for what it is. I didn't post what I did because I wanted attention. This is real to me. I traveled for 16 hours total (in layovers and change of planes) to get from LA to Brasil so I could see my dad one last time. I'm dealing with years of conflict over being abandoned and trying desperately to love my dad now while I can. It's real to me. I would have never said anything about the pages and pages of crying over being single and dateless among the *popular* group, while my dad's death was almost completely ignored, but as long as we're on the subject of cliques.. If this wasn't proof, I don't know what is. I'll get over it. It's a message board and my dad will pass whether or not I have your sympathies or concern, right? I'm just calling it as I see it. You can ignore me or dislike me even more now and use this as justification. I started this thread (the original one, part 1) for people to open up about their happiness, their pain, their whatever and I'm glad everyone's having a good time with it. But, the relevance of someone's life does depend on popularity here and I admit that I was pretty shocked that my dad's death was worth one post, while being dateless was worth pages. I don't have anything witty, insightful or super-intelligent to say about that.

I come to the board to read Stevie happenings, pictures, stories about a band---The gossip, chatter and reflections on an earlier time in my life -that I associate a lot of what I have actually become- the person that I am, with this band of people that I have listend to and followed for 30+ years...

When here, I am saddened to find such sadness, name calling, dispair and sometimes outright desperation, I find people who are hurting and need some support and a place to feel safe posting their inner turmoils and heartaches..after all, No one REALLY knows you and they can't judge you and it allows some healing to be able to write something down and then send it away...

When here, I am amazed at the silly chatter, games that are played and the "family" that so many members have become-Curtis, Amber and Lux and Dissention ans Pattie and Claudia and Shel , and Hillary and Chris and...and so many people...that I really know, about them---- only what they want me, or anyone else posting/reading -to know.
Some days they are happy and somedays they are not. But they always have something to say ,maybe just to each other or to the whole board--

We have (in what I have observed,) a very large population of people in many countries, in many age groups, different social classes, different interests, and mostly....with many thoughts that they want to share and with so very man ,many, different priorities!!

That said- Please know there are people that are concerened and worried about you and your relationship with your Dad-but it is a heavy subject, not many people know how to deal and accept the healty realatives in their lives...forget about when it becomes serious and very real, there is nothing more akward than death.
Please don't think that I am belittling your trauma, because I am not- I just want to help you to understand the People in general-don't know what to say or how to express themselves when someone is going through the difficult path you are on. So, instead thay talk about foolish, silly non-consequencial "stuff" and ignore the reality of something REAL and very, very scarry. like death. I don't think it means that you are meaningless at all
Actually, you are probably the most meaningful person on this board today. Unfortunately, I don't think a lot of thye people here are capable of the compasion that is needed in your life right now

Please accept my compasion, prayers, wishes and hopes that you will be able to get through this difficult time in your life, with the strength that you are seaching for...you have my sympathy and my sincere wishes for lighter days ahead
~~dreams,
eclipse~~