This is funny...

[Livia]

THE FATTITUDES

In the beginning...

God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower, and spinach, with green
and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live
long and healthy lives.

Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and
Krispy Kreme. And Satan said: "You want hot fudge with that?" And Man
said: "Yes!" And Woman said: "I'll have one too, with sprinkles."
and, lo, they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that
Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and
sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 2 to
size 14.

So God said: "Try my fresh green garden salad." And Satan presented
crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man
and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said: "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in
which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep-fried coconut shrimp,
butter-dipped lobster chunks, and chicken-fried steak-so big it needed
its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming
with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin
and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them in animal
fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose
those extra pounds. And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote
control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man
and Woman Laughed and cried before the flickering light and started
wearing stretch jogging suits.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and
still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then Satan said: "You want fries with that?" And Man replied:
"Yes! And super size 'em!" And Satan said: It is good." And Man and Woman
went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed...and created quadruple by-pass surgery.
And then...Satan chuckled and created HMOs