Only Over You...

[amber]

Originally Posted by Sugar

Hey all,

The birth order thread got me thinking about something. I have a two and a half year old daughter and have been wondering about having a second. My husband doesn't want another. "I want her to have everything," he says. But I wonder if she isn't going to miss out on something without a sibling. My husband also uses our wretched relationships with our respective siblings as further rationale.

You guys are a varied and interesting bunch so I figured I'd ask!

Only child? Parent of an only child? Kid-type professional? Just someone with an opinion? What are your feelings on only children?

I'm an only child but my best friend has 3 kids, and she teaches ESL first graders, and so has studied a lot about children. She purposely planned her kids 4-41/2 years apart. With this distance, they still like each other and can play, sort of, but they definitely don't fight as much. I've been around her kids a lot (girl 11, boy 7 in Oct., boy 2) and they REALLY DO get a long ok, and hardly fight, and are sweet and caring of each other. So if you're gonna have another, i would wait a bit. I think when they're a little older they don't feel as much competition and insecurity about your love and attention; they can utilize a little more logic and helpfulness about being part of the new baby situation. That said - I don't think there is anything at all with having only 1 child. It's better for the world, and there is a great book out there which i forgot the name of that has evidence to the contrary of the usual view of only children as being not well adjusted, etc. In fact, they are often more mature, and speak better in an adult environment at a younger age. Also they may be more self sufficient. I know I am - I notice other people who HAVE to have people around them to not feel lonely, to feel ok about themselves...and they are also more easily bored.
Good luck whatever you decide!
Amber