I'm Cranked Out....

[The Tower]

Why am I so cranked out lately???

Why do people seem to be such selfish, thoughtless jerks???


Moreover, why do I feel like my compassion and love for humanity is slowly draining away from me?

Why am I questioning everything related to I or me?

Bleh.

I'm tired of being cynical (although I have damn good reasons to be so). I wish I were more gay like Strand, or more superficially-vacuous-yet-actually-full-of-meaning-that-one-doesn't-know-about like Jizzy. Or more grounded and snappy-cool-resiliant, like Amber. Or more hot-on-the-verge-of-being-able-to-do-anyone-I-want like Ryan. Or more cute and "Gee, I could easily see myself waking up in the morning sleeping next to Curtis whilst laying in 500 bazillion count threads knowing a plane trip was on the scchhhedule...."

Ah, me.... ah, me..... me. me. Hmmmmm.... Me.

Um. I'm really not that self-centered. I could really see myself as Johnny Stew (Brian), except, he and I are absolute icy cold polar opposites. Although, the ironic thing is that I love him BECAUSE he's my polar opposite and that his magnetic opposition gives me something to attract to- me. me. me. me.

I think that Niki (BTFLCHLDLSLDFLD) and Brandon (MyLittleDemon <----I think I got the case wrong there) should just for-jeezus-just-get-it-ON..... although I believe that Niki is quite taken- (no offense Pony Boy).

I think I would have an orgasm if I would have a day in Brian J's Musicquarium.... Seriously. Imagining hearing all those Stevie moments. BOING!!!

Mean people suck. A former collegue of mine who finally came out (as a dyke) who had completely treated me like **** for years (because she was "management" - yeah right) tried to pull the "I'm not mean" **** on her MySpace and then did the whole "mean people suck" routine. Yeah, right. Lemme tell ya- if yer that much of an outta control judgemental {bleep}, you're mean. It comes with the territory.

Holy crap, I love Sparky- and I mean that in it's most holiest of forms. And Nixxxed (Chucky). And Markolas (Marky). And Moony (Dan-O). And TakenByTheSky (Sweet Justin). And even the Brown Eye (Brandan- Brandon- Branden- how many times has it changed, dear- oris it just my Alzheimers????) OY!!!

Ooh, my love.... I love Chris (gldstwmn) and Suze and FREEEKING Paula!!! Jeezus, that woman..... if I were straight (which will never happen in this space-time-continuum), she would be my old lady, and I would be her old man.... although, I'd be shacking up with Amber in Grand Old 70's style....

[HomerMcvie]

I never make any of these lists.....

[Johnny Stew]

Originally Posted by The Tower

I could really see myself as Johnny Stew (Brian), except, he and I are absolute icy cold polar opposites. Although, the ironic thing is that I love him BECAUSE he's my polar opposite and that his magnetic opposition gives me something to attract to- me. me. me. me.

Even though we've had our personality clashes in the past, I hope you know that I've really come to like and respect you.
You're a good guy who's had some really rough times, and I know that underneath that sometimes gruff demeanor there's a heart of gold.

[Brwn_eyes0511]

.....

[ontheEdgeof17]

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

I never make any of these lists.....

Don't fret. Me, either.

[michelle2677]

Originally Posted by ontheEdgeof17

Don't fret. Me, either.

or me. Curtis you can be on my list and we'll have our own party i thought you were mentioned though

[Gypsy-Rhiannon]

Originally Posted by ontheEdgeof17

Don't fret. Me, either.

Nor me... we should just have a list of our own!

[sara1998]

What's wrong with being cynical?

[GODDESS6]

Originally Posted by sara1998

What's wrong with being cynical?

that was my mother-in-law 110%, i say life is too short ~

[sara1998]

Originally Posted by GODDESS6

that was my mother-in-law 110%, i say life is too short ~

I try not to be. I can't say that I am all the time. But sometimes I have a hard time making lemonaide with the lemons life hands me. Maybe I should ask for a shot of tequila with them next time!

[markolas]

Maybe it's menopause?

It's hard not being cynical, since most people are @$$holes. I was seriously ready to walk out of my job yesterday...supposedly, I'm about to transfer to another department, I just hope I do it before I quit in frustration and disgust.

Anyway, I'm glad the Ledge has been a source of non@$$holishness for you.

[SuzeQuze]

Yeah hon, I hear you. The holidaze contribute to such feelings. Even my 3-year-old neice recently said, "What are these f*cking people doing?" She was in a car with her frustrated Mom. Drivers are the worst. Nobody signals, checks their blind spot, moves out of the fast lane, etc. Well, is it true that nobody does? No, some people do, and when I'm clear I pay attention to them, forget those other jerks, not worth any of my neurons' energy.

So I wouldn't be me if I didn't reference Dr. Weil in this regard:

... there's good news for pessimists, too. Earlier research has shown that optimism is at least partially learned. How? Find out by reading a classic book on the subject, Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind & Your Life (Pocket Books, 1998), by famed psychologist Martin Seligman, PhD.

Here's what else I recommend for pessimists:

Take care of yourself by eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and getting adequate sleep.
Express your emotional reactions honestly so you can effectively deal with what's bothering you.
Confide in someone ?? your mate, a good friend, or a trusted relative.
Make a resolution to view the cup as half full instead of half empty.

http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/id/QAA326513

Being a cynic is a good thing though too. Think of the havoc those Pollyannas can wreak? Psych Today had an article about this last month. They mentioned that during the dot com craze of the 90s many of those CEOs were on anti-depressants which was why they didn't see that things might ever come down. I thought that was an interesting insight. So if someone had been cynical at the top they could've said we should be cautious regardless of current market conditions because... Or they could've just asked me, despite my "lowly" helpdesk status.

Anyway, , the holidaze suck. Try to focus on what is specifically irritating you and making you angry instead of painting a broad brush over everything with it. And please forgive my unsolicited advice.

[JazmenFlowers]

Originally Posted by The Tower

or more superficially-vacuous-yet-actually-full-of-meaning-that-one-doesn't-know-about like Jizzy.

and true to this...I had to read it like 4 times and I'm still not sure I know what it means, but I guess that's the whole "vacuous" part, right?

I'm glad you can see through my tough exterior. you know I love you more than my luggage.

I hope you feel better soon.

[strandinthewind]

Oh Piss Off hooker - I am 40 FOR - MOTHER FUKCING - TY today. So, I really do not want to hear it

Of Course, I do not look my age at all

BTW - did you ever see the doc. "Grey Gardens" about Jackie Kenney's insane mother and daughter cousins. That will be us one day and you are Big Edie.

[sara1998]

Originally Posted by strandinthewind

Oh Piss Off hooker - I am 40 FOR - MOTHER FUKCING - TY today. So, I really do not want to hear it

I'd a never guessed, dahlink....