The English Language

[dudden22]

I recieved this email today, it is pretty well done.

Enjoy your English while you can..... The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl

[GateandGarden]

Thanks for sharing!

[GypsySorcerer]

[face of glass]

Originally Posted by dudden22

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl

Hmm, it starts to resemble Dutch at the end.

[Mari]

No... that's German! doh.

[face of glass]

Originally Posted by Mari

No... that's German! doh.

Big deal. They both sound like the speaker is spitting all the time.

[Mari]

You two haven't heard the different dialects here yet. Up here in the north, the g sounds like someone with emphesema (sp?) clearing his throat.

[cliffdweller]

Originally Posted by Lux

oh and the Danish who sound like that have too much alcohol in their system.

That's because they do luv. Danish, my Swedish prof always used to say, sounds like someone struggling with a throat disease. Ah, this makes me miss my Danish friends!!

Mange hilsner!

[DrummerDeanna]

Funny. Thanks for sharing

[bretonbanquet]

That's hilarious

Anyway, English is one of those languages that is mangled by almost everyone who speaks it... "The Queen's English" is disappearing fast - even the Queen don't speak like what she used to