Forgive me...

[amber]

My friend doesn't seem to need that closeness, or have much to confide, or be emotional or anything. But she's not like yours, she has millions of friends, and before she was married, millions of boyfriends. She's just kind of....shallow? unemotional? She's very smart, and interesting, and logical, and friendly, she just doesn't really have any emotions/emotional issues. Except when she gets mad. And she "confides" in anyone who will listen. Nothing is sacred. I learned not to whisper a secret to her in a bar, or anything. She will just tell the person I'm talking about! She says her husband gets mad sometimes because she doesn't have those ooshy smooshy, ooey gooey, private things to share with him. Deep thoughts and all that.
I don't relate to her very much either, but we get along really well, anyway. Her personality is way different than mine, and it works out perfectly. Plus, she thinks I'm hilarious.

[GateandGarden]

Originally Posted by Lux

I didn't read the whole thing, well actually just the initial post really but I don't get what's so hard to understand about wanting solitude. For people who prefer this, it's hard to understand those who enjoy having their feelings in the open. The people around me might think they know me but they haven't got a freakin clue and letting them know me is not high on my list of priorities, the thought of it makes me shudder and vomit almost. Letting them know that they don't even know me isn't something I'm going to discuss either. One could possibly be reading this but he's about the only one I know who's the same so he wouldn't want to know.

I don't think it's weird, no.

Do you suppose there's a possibility that someone different could come along in the future who you would want to have know you well?


P.S. I hope that makes sense. But your post was kind of hard to follow, too, so...

[GateandGarden]

Originally Posted by Lux

Well that kind of already happened. But letting them in wasn't a choice really, in my case it was a matter of necessity and telling them even the slightest thing would reduce me to stuttering individual words for minutes at a time. It's just not something I want to do, I find it so uncomfortable and so I don't think it's weird that a person would not want this. Truth be known I was high when this happened and even that wasn't enough. Some people have different emotional wants.

When you tell someone that opening up is difficult for you and it involves stuttering and such, that suggests that you're saying you don't want to do it primarily because it is so difficult. I recently confessed my feelings to someone who is very special to me and I was very afraid of being rejected and/or misunderstood, so I was really, really reluctant to do it. But I forced the words out and the outcome was better than good, it was fantastic. I'm not saying that it's like that for you because I understand that you are you and I am me (sounds so cheesy--I know), but it's just an idea.

[amber]

Originally Posted by Lux

Maybe you're right. Actually I did open up once in *public*. I was so high I probably couldn't have told you what planet we're on but it was there, disguised and hidden behind ridiculous, offensive antics. When I woke up from my high I wanted to shoot myself and everyone hated me so that was rather stupid.

So I don't know. Perhaps saying I don't like to open up is in fact opening up. ****, you caught me.

Something we were talking about earlier in the thread, is that if people feel they don't need close human contact, or someone special and close to confide in, it is usually because of a defense mechanism. Hillary was wondering if it was possible that some people just don't have the need of human contact, independent of whether they have been hurt very badly by others, or had emotionally terrible lives and all that. To me it seemed possible, but not really probable. My theory is that usually when people choose to live without friend/significant other networks, it's most likely a defense.

[SuzeQuze]

Originally Posted by GateandGarden

When you tell someone that opening up is difficult for you and it involves stuttering and such, that suggests that you're saying you don't want to do it primarily because it is so difficult. I recently confessed my feelings to someone who is very special to me and I was very afraid of being rejected and/or misunderstood, so I was really, really reluctant to do it. But I forced the words out and the outcome was better than good, it was fantastic. I'm not saying that it's like that for you because I understand that you are you and I am me (sounds so cheesy--I know), but it's just an idea.

Omigod Hillary, really? Wow, that's awesome, I am so proud of you for speaking up and so glad the outcome was good, I mean fantastic! I know it is really hard to do this. Wowza!

[SuzeQuze]

Originally Posted by bretonbanquet

Thanks for posting all that - very interesting, and there's a helluva lot of sense there Although I am not looking for any kind of relationship, I'm not closed to the possibility if it came at me out of nowhere I just can't imagine it happening in a way that would make me really stop and think.

Ahh, I know what you mean about being open but not looking. I am not very good at creating new friendships myself, except here, I've made some fabulous friends. But most of you I cannot just invite for coffee or anything. It is difficult for me to create meaningful, fullfilling, new relationships as I think it is for all. The thing is, the rewards are there so it is worth the work. Thankfully I have finally learned the lesson of who not to invite into my life so perhaps new and good friends are just around the bend.

[GateandGarden]

Originally Posted by Lux

So I don't know. Perhaps saying I don't like to open up is in fact opening up. ****, you caught me.

Originally Posted by amber

Something we were talking about earlier in the thread, is that if people feel they don't need close human contact, or someone special and close to confide in, it is usually because of a defense mechanism. Hillary was wondering if it was possible that some people just don't have the need of human contact, independent of whether they have been hurt very badly by others, or had emotionally terrible lives and all that. To me it seemed possible, but not really probable. My theory is that usually when people choose to live without friend/significant other networks, it's most likely a defense.

Originally Posted by SuzeQuze

Omigod Hillary, really? Wow, that's awesome, I am so proud of you for speaking up and so glad the outcome was good, I mean fantastic! I know it is really hard to do this. Wowza!

Thanks! Yeah, I've found that sharing myself is sometimes comparable to shooting myself in the foot...or chest, but this went well. It seems that my relationship with this person is only stronger because of it. Every once in a full moon it actually works out!

Originally Posted by SuzeQuze

But most of you I cannot just invite for coffee or anything.

Doesn't that suck?

Originally Posted by SuzeQuze

It is difficult for me to create meaningful, fullfilling, new relationships as I think it is for all. The thing is, the rewards are there so it is worth the work.

So true! I found out that it is indeed worth the work when I decided to play true confessions the other day, as I mentioned above. I've never understood it when people say, "It's really easy for me to make friends." I always think, Then they must not really be good friends, in that case, or it wouldn't be so easy.