They can't sing, they ain't pretty, and their legs are thin

Keith · #1 11-13-2003, 07:20 PM

a review of Say You Will from the Village Voice..

http://www.villagevoice.com/issues/0346/queen.php

They can't sing, they ain't pretty, and their legs are thin
Heads Kicked in Tonight
by Dave Queen
November 10th, 2003 4:00 PM

Uncle Sam stole the blues from the black man; John Bull stole the blooze from the Jews. Bowie eminem'd Bolan, Jimmy Page patbooned Peter Green, and, after English Protestant fashion, introduced fatalistic determinism in place of the mysteries of the lysergic crucifixion. None of this is news to Judas Priest fans, of course—but do they know that FM's "Green Manalishi" is actually more gothimetallic than Priest's "the one they played at Live Aid (!)" remake? (Then again, if "driving a Rolls Royce was good for the voice" then Stevie Nicks wouldn't do it.)

Y'already know Say You Will's actual title: Lindsey Snorts 'Sunflower' Through 'Keeping the Summer Alive' [oh yes] and Creates 'Tusk 2' While Using the Bits Falling Out of His Nostrils For the "Stevie Tracks." (Working title: Whatever Happened to Chivalry). But the real title should be "Say You Will" Was Another Great Hit By Foreigner—Yet Another Band We Invented! Well, Us and Free—but We Were Noshin' at the Same Stamford Hill Deli!

To prove it, there's "Come" (!), where Lindsey discovers the wonderful world of Chicken Shack and Spooky Tooth and Argent. This song really is amazing; they truly have never forgotten "Oh Well" and "Rattlesnake Shake"! Rejoice! The singing is quite extraordinary: For every line, he changes his voice and it alternately sounds like Mike Reno, Dan McCafferty, and Mark Slaughter. Proper screeching, this—I haven't heard the likes since Quiet Riot and Vinnie Vincent Invasion. We're not talking Lenny Kravitz here!

You might notice we're not talking Stevie much either. I just think her new songs are really boring, though some do have amazing guitar solos. Lots of late-Aerosmith-type ("toxic girl"!!!) doin' the 12-step with Diane Warren. I don't want to offend Stevie fans because they get rilly into her. They're an intense bunch. Butch women and effeminate guys, mainly; also a smattering of mature people who are "comfortable with themselves," i.e., now that they finally found someone to ****, they're happy. You might recall that "Rattlesnake Shake" was a song by FM's original guitarist about the drummer's masturbation. And that the title was stolen by both Mötley Crüe and Skid Row, and that the rest of the song was stolen and used as a bottomless career-well by Judas Priest. Who betrayed Jesus to the Romans. For not going to medical school.

gldstwmn · #2 11-13-2003, 07:22 PM

This person sounds an awful lot like a troll who was on this board a month or two ago.

SmthngOfADreamr · #3 11-13-2003, 07:25 PM

What pitiful writing! I hope he wasn't paid for that. I can't even understand what he's talking about!

I feel like I need a translator.

CarneVaca · #4 11-13-2003, 07:57 PM

The self-important f****r is trying to be so cool that his writing comes out attrocious, rather than clever. But I have to admit, I got a couple

at some of what he said.

Johnny Stew · #5 11-13-2003, 08:04 PM

My goodness, that was damn-near incomprehensible!

Dave Queen fell all over himself to impress us with his knowledge of classic rock, that he ended up writing a piece of utter drivel.

Reminds me of the 'Friends' episode from a week or two ago, when Joey wrote a letter of recommendation for Monica & Chandler as potential adoptive parents, and then ran it thru an online thesaurus to look smarter.
He ended up signing it, "Baby Kangaroo Tribiani."

Johnny Stew · #6 11-13-2003, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by CarneVaca
But I have to admit, I got a couple at some of what he said.

Lemme guess which part.

strandinthewind · #7 11-13-2003, 08:08 PM

This guy is yet an other typical lemming who follows and does not lead with thought. Its like "I work for THE VILLAGE VOICE" so I am anti everything, which includes FM - particularly Stevie Nicks, whomever he maybe!" Screw Him and his little dog too.

I do have to agree with him that Stevie fans can be rabid when provoked - Mind you I am a proud chiffon head myself!

estranged4life · #8 11-13-2003, 08:12 PM

apparently does nt know of "Com-pre-hen-sion".

Sounds like mutterings of a schizophrenic to me...

Brian "I wonder if the "village" knows their idiot is missing?" j.

dissention · #9 11-13-2003, 08:14 PM

I read that article a few days ago and found it quite funny. I don't think it's meant to be taken seriously, it's just funny.

strandinthewind · #10 11-13-2003, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by estranged4life
Brian "I wonder if the "village" knows their idiot is missing?" j.

LMAO

As we say in the South - Dave Queen - "Bless his heart." If you need a tranlation it varies, but essentially it means Dave Queen - "what an a$$hole" or some other profanity we Southerners are just too polite to state so bluntly.

The Chain · #11 11-13-2003, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dissention

I read that article a few days ago and found it quite funny. I don't think it's meant to be taken seriously, it's just funny.

Maybe, but I still say f**k this guy

What a dumb ass, he has no clue...

dissention · #12 11-13-2003, 08:19 PM

Opinions are like assholes: everyone has them and everyone thinks everyone elses stinks. It does border on the incomprehensible, but I've a feeling it was meant that way. To make it all the more ridiculous!

Johnny Stew · #13 11-13-2003, 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dissention
It does border on the incomprehensible, but I've a feeling it was meant that way. To make it all the more ridiculous!

For his sake, I hope you're right!

But I think you're giving him more credit than he deserves.

Merf · #14 11-13-2003, 08:45 PM

I feel dumber after having read that. Perhaps I'm just not "sophisticated" enough to understand the uber-trendy Village Voice, but to me, that piece was drivel. I have no idea what he was trying to tell us besides just cutting down the band and the album.

diamondsnake · #15 11-13-2003, 09:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Keith
a review of Say You Will from the Village Voice..

Butch women and effeminate guys, mainly; also a smattering of mature people who are "comfortable with themselves,"

Effeminate men? Is that even a word? First of all, I love Stevie Nicks but I would hardly call myself effeminate because of it. Not only is Stevie hot, but she is a real artist. Would I be called an effeminate man if I like Britney Spears? No! I just don't get why everyone assumes that to be a real man, you have to have no taste in women. Sorry if I think that Stevie is great.....