When Is A Good Age/Life Position to be in To Have A Baby- Is 19 too Young?

Musicman408 · #1 10-19-2012, 06:17 PM

Long story short:

My just turned 19 year old sister is going to be having a baby with her thug, criminal record boyfriend on Christmas. Neither has a college degree, and he is a huge moocher. My mom hated the guy because of this, but now that they're having a baby, she thinks it's the greatest thing ever..... quite delusional, obviously.

Soooo- it 19 too young? What is right here?

mezzoforte · #2 10-19-2012, 06:21 PM

Honestly? I think 19 is too young. But the baby is coming regardless, and if your sister wants to have and keep him on her, that is 100% her decision (and her partner's, if he chooses to be involved). Your opinion probably won't weigh in, and the opinions of random internet commenters certainly won't.

Good luck to your whole family!

Macfanforever · #3 10-19-2012, 06:28 PM

I agree 19 is too young.My mother had my late sister when she was 19.I'll say probably 25 is good.

vivfox · #4 10-19-2012, 07:23 PM

It sounds like your mom is excited to finally become a grandma. It also sounds like grandma is going to become mom also.

MacFan92 · #5 10-19-2012, 07:31 PM

I'm 20 and I think having a child at my age is waaay too young. I don't want to be married or have kids until I'm at least 30, if only for the fact that I want to mature some more and have more life experience before I have intense, lifelong commitments like marriage and children. I'm not saying that having a child at a young age is the worst thing in the world, I just think that when your sister is older she'll wish she would have waited until she was a little bit older before having children.

mottabam · #6 10-19-2012, 07:54 PM

I think 40-50 years ago 19 would be considered the "Norm", however things are far different today in many ways. I wish your sister and family the best.

louielouie2000 · #7 10-19-2012, 10:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vivfox

It also sounds like grandma is going to become mom also.

Bingo. My (thug, criminal) little brother started knocking up his now (on again off again) wife at age 15. All his children have been paid for by my parents, and my parents are the ones who make sure his kids are taken care of. I can't even imagine the issues those poor kids are going to have, and have already developed. And because my parents have basically done everything for him, my brother still doesn't know a thing about working & supporting himself & his family, either. Having kids in your teens these days is pretty much a losing situation for everyone; the children, the parents, and the grandparents alike. Hell, I'm 30 and am just now feeling like I might be able to pull of parenthood if I were so inclined.

MacShadowsBall · #8 10-20-2012, 02:15 PM

About four years ago, my co-worker/friend found out she was pregnant. She had just graduated high school in May of that year, turned eighteen in September, and found out she was pregnant in November (a heck of a birthday celebration!!). Most of us were really shocked and surprised seing as though she was a "good" church girl whose father was one of the ministers in the church. Her boyfriend instantly broke up with upon hearing the news. He was like seventeen and already had one child with another girlfriend. He also got another girl pregnant around the same time. He's now 21 yrs old with four kids, each by different mothers!

Last month, we found out that she is pregnant, again with her new boyfriend of just few months. And surprise, suprise, he left her too!

The good thing is that she has a strong family support system, a good paying job and the fact that she was 18 and had already graduated high school. So my opinion is that as long as he or she is at least 18 yrs old and graduated high school, it's not that bad.

moon · #9 10-20-2012, 03:42 PM

Hi! Few years ago I thought that 20 was the ideal age to have a baby. But then I knew some things behind, like if you're still studying, or working, if your couple is in the same situation, and if you live alone or not.
Some months ago, my sister gave us the great new that she's pregnant. She's 25, and she's working as her boyfriend. They're independent, and they're so happy, as I am.
So, I think 19 or 20 are too early ages to have a baby, but it depends on the situation you are.
Regards! Mark.

ButterCookie · #10 10-21-2012, 07:08 AM

Does having a degree really make a difference? I don't think so.

BUT as a 19 year old, I think it could be quite frightening to be having a child. However, your sister may turn out to be a great mum and it not matter if she is 19 or 29. You won't know until the baby's here. She's lucky to have your parents around to support her. One of the girls I work with has a baby and she is 19, too. She's a great mum and her boyfriend sounds just like your sister's. But she's jumped right into her role as a mother and is getting along fine.

I hope your sister and her baby stay happy and healthy.

seekerj · #11 10-22-2012, 08:52 AM

It doesn't matter what age you are, if you don't have the money to raise a child, it's the wrong time.

holidayroad · #12 10-22-2012, 10:53 AM

I was almost 28 when my son was born. I can see where it can be beneficial to be a little younger than that when you have a child. I definitely had more patience to deal with a child when I was 19 than when I was 28!

Still, the best time to have a child is when you have truly finished the job of growing up. Not everyone who is legally an adult is really an adult yet.

Of course, it is a given that someone having a baby should be self-sufficient. Also, it helps to have either a spouse or partner who is willing to be a parent alongside of you.

KarmaContestant · #13 10-22-2012, 03:33 PM

I think the right age to have a baby really depends on so many external circumstances that what is defined as a "good" age is going to be universally different for everyone.

By today's standards, 19 seems young. I think that's weird...because we hear over and over about how kids are more mature than their peers decades ago, kids know more, kids are smarter, kids are more cultured and worldy...so why is it that the age which is considered "old enough" to do certain things seems to get pushed back? Part of me believes this is a side effect, an attempt to push back or control the acceleration of adulthood. "They grow up so fast so lets tell them their not old enough to do these things until they're 30." I mean, goodness, my Grandmother was married and at 14! And had six kids over the next 12 years!

I'll say one thing - had I had a child at 19, that kid's life would have been a wreck. I was (and still am) far too selfish. My mother had me when she was 16...and I won't go into the details, but my childhood wasn't exactly model or even stable for that matter, but, that has nothing to do with my mother's physical age and everything to do with her maturity and sense of responsibility.

As far as your sister, the best thing you can do is be supportive and not be judgemental, no matter her age or your opinion of the father. Parenthood can really change people and often for the better, make them grow up, make them realize the important things in life. Just be helpful, and not hurtful.