GLBT .... why "T"?

[olive]

people don't turn .

[chriskisn]

Originally Posted by olive

people don't turn .

Surely people can change though as they progress through life? I guess it isn't about "turning" as just sexuality not being a fixed thing. As Elton John once said, he used to think he was bisexual when he was married to a woman, he had a great sex life with his wife, and then he began to realise he was gay (and his ex-wife still doesn't speak to him as far as I know).

I'm not sure I believe we are all born gay or straight, or bisexual or what not. Sure, some people may be, but some people can change as they get older. Surely those people who change their mind are not all repressing their true sexuality?

All I can say though, is that whoever you are attracted to, as long as it is consensual, who cares, and hopefully you enjoy yourself. Life is too short to hate or judge someone based on their sexual preference. I have enough to do in my own life without worrying what other people do between the sheets...

[vivfox]

Originally Posted by chriskisn

I have enough to do in my own life without worrying what other people do between the sheets...

What if they do it in the woods?

[Moz]

The bi-to-gay thing seems to be a product of internalized homophobia or confusion rather than "turning gay." I think in some cases, people weren't really aware of their true sexuality - denial, anyone?

But in the initial phases of coming out, some people may want to cling onto some semblance of heterosexuality, which turns into the bi-to-gay thing as they later realize it's okay to be gay. Some people may think being bi isn't as "bad" as being gay. Some people may want to please their families by acknowledging their gayness while pretending there's a chance they will marry someone of the opposite gender (or sex). Some people may think they're bisexual when they aren't. I don't think that's very far-fetched, what with same-sex attractions often being brushed off as phases and heterosexuality being hammered into our brains from childhood. You're straight until proven otherwise, right?

That paragraph is really strange. I do think bisexuality is real; some people just use it (or the label) as a stepping stone, as awful as that may sound to real bisexuals.

[bluefox4000]

Originally Posted by Moz

The bi-to-gay thing seems to be a product of internalized homophobia or confusion rather than "turning gay." I think in some cases, people weren't really aware of their true sexuality - denial, anyone?

But in the initial phases of coming out, some people may want to cling onto some semblance of heterosexuality, which turns into the bi-to-gay thing as they later realize it's okay to be gay. Some people may think being bi isn't as "bad" as being gay. Some people may want to please their families by acknowledging their gayness while pretending there's a chance they will marry someone of the opposite gender (or sex). Some people may think they're bisexual when they aren't. I don't think that's very far-fetched, what with same-sex attractions often being brushed off as phases and heterosexuality being hammered into our brains from childhood. You're straight until proven otherwise, right?

That paragraph is really strange. I do think bisexuality is real; some people just use it (or the label) as a stepping stone, as awful as that may sound to real bisexuals.

Lol. I was the opposite. I originally thought i liked just guys. Then i realized no i think ladies are attractive too.....weird me.

Mick

[chriskisn]

Originally Posted by vivfox

What if they do it in the woods?

Funnily enough there is a nudist beach near where I live, and people are complaining that it is frequented by gay men who have sex in the sand dunes. I always think it is quite funny because I'm pretty sure that there are plenty of hetrosexual people having sex in the sand dunes just a few metres away in the clothed beach.

Although I do have to say that in six years of living here I am yet to see a woman on the nudist beach (not that I go to it, but you walk down the path to the beach and immediately on the left is the nudist beach and on the right is the regular beach.).

While we're on the topic of sex in public that is one of the things I don't understand about gay men. The whole cottaging thing (for the non-British, having sex with an anoymous person in a public toilet).

Public toilets near where I used to live were a known meeting spot, and they were amongst the most dirty, disgusting public toilets that I have seen. They were so dirty, dark and horrible that I never wanted to use them to urinate in, so why anyone would want to have sex in them is still beyond me.

I know plenty of hetrosexual people have sex with anoymous people, but they tend to do it in more clean comfortable surroundings. Sure, some people like to do it in a back alley, but that tends to be more an alcohol related thing than anything else.

Is it because homosexuality wasn't acceptable and thus was pushed underground or what?

[seekerj]

Found this on msnbc... Cynthia Nixon providing more fuel for the fire on the "choice or not" debate...

http://entertainment.msnbc.msn.com/_...-gay-by-choice

[HejiraNYC]

Originally Posted by chriskisn

Funnily enough there is a nudist beach near where I live, and people are complaining that it is frequented by gay men who have sex in the sand dunes. I always think it is quite funny because I'm pretty sure that there are plenty of hetrosexual people having sex in the sand dunes just a few metres away in the clothed beach.

Although I do have to say that in six years of living here I am yet to see a woman on the nudist beach (not that I go to it, but you walk down the path to the beach and immediately on the left is the nudist beach and on the right is the regular beach.).

While we're on the topic of sex in public that is one of the things I don't understand about gay men. The whole cottaging thing (for the non-British, having sex with an anoymous person in a public toilet).

Public toilets near where I used to live were a known meeting spot, and they were amongst the most dirty, disgusting public toilets that I have seen. They were so dirty, dark and horrible that I never wanted to use them to urinate in, so why anyone would want to have sex in them is still beyond me.

I know plenty of hetrosexual people have sex with anoymous people, but they tend to do it in more clean comfortable surroundings. Sure, some people like to do it in a back alley, but that tends to be more an alcohol related thing than anything else.

Is it because homosexuality wasn't acceptable and thus was pushed underground or what?

Oh, I'm sure there has never been a single case of heterosexuals having sex in public. There are two things to consider. 1) Whenever you hear anything negative about any minority, it tends to cause the majority to assume that this is something endemic among minorities. Your assumption here is quite myopic and I would dare say a bit bigoted (e.g., the assumption that gay men are filthy, unclean whores whilst heterosexuals require clean, comfy surroundings) 2) Some gay men congregate in public bathrooms because, um, they can. There are very, very few pansexual bathrooms in the U.S. I would imagine that there would be lots of straight encounters in public bathrooms if all bathrooms were non-gender-specific. Your assumptions here are as far off-base as assuming all gay men are pedophiles because of a few highly publicized/sensationalized cases.

[olive]

Originally Posted by chriskisn

Funnily enough there is a nudist beach near where I live, and people are complaining that it is frequented by gay men who have sex in the sand dunes. I always think it is quite funny because I'm pretty sure that there are plenty of hetrosexual people having sex in the sand dunes just a few metres away in the clothed beach.

Although I do have to say that in six years of living here I am yet to see a woman on the nudist beach (not that I go to it, but you walk down the path to the beach and immediately on the left is the nudist beach and on the right is the regular beach.).

While we're on the topic of sex in public that is one of the things I don't understand about gay men. The whole cottaging thing (for the non-British, having sex with an anoymous person in a public toilet).

Public toilets near where I used to live were a known meeting spot, and they were amongst the most dirty, disgusting public toilets that I have seen. They were so dirty, dark and horrible that I never wanted to use them to urinate in, so why anyone would want to have sex in them is still beyond me.

I know plenty of hetrosexual people have sex with anoymous people, but they tend to do it in more clean comfortable surroundings. Sure, some people like to do it in a back alley, but that tends to be more an alcohol related thing than anything else.

Is it because homosexuality wasn't acceptable and thus was pushed underground or what?

I have never or will understand toilet sex ?

[chriskisn]

Originally Posted by HejiraNYC

Oh, I'm sure there has never been a single case of heterosexuals having sex in public. There are two things to consider. 1) Whenever you hear anything negative about any minority, it tends to cause the majority to assume that this is something endemic among minorities. Your assumption here is quite myopic and I would dare say a bit bigoted (e.g., the assumption that gay men are filthy, unclean whores whilst heterosexuals require clean, comfy surroundings) 2) Some gay men congregate in public bathrooms because, um, they can. There are very, very few pansexual bathrooms in the U.S. I would imagine that there would be lots of straight encounters in public bathrooms if all bathrooms were non-gender-specific. Your assumptions here are as far off-base as assuming all gay men are pedophiles because of a few highly publicized/sensationalized cases.

I fail to see the bit where I said "ALL GAY MEN" but never mind. There are a percentage of gay men (and it might be 0.5% for all I know) that do have sex in public toilets. There are internet sites/forums that are dedicated to the locations of the best toilets, the best times, etc. So yes it does happen.

Your assumption that I'm suggesting that all gay men are dirty whores, is ridiculous. I was curious as to the input from the gay men on here as to why they thought that some gay men did that. I wasn't being judgemental, I wasn't criticising.

As for having sex in clean surroundings, I have met plenty of people, both gay and straight, who like to have sex in a reasonably clean surrounding (bedroom, car, beach, etc). I have never met (and perhaps this is just my limited exposure to people) an hetrosexual person who goes to a public toilet looking for sex with random strangers. Sure, two people might meet in a club and go into the toilet to have sex, but straight people do not (in my experience) arrange to meet anonymous people in public toilets. It is something (as far as I know) limited to A SECTION (maybe a very small miniscule section) of the male gay community.

As for all of this crap surrounding Cynthia Nixon "choosing to be gay", and the backlash from the gay community, what right does anyone have to criticise her if she chooses to be a lesbian. Why does she not have the right to choose? Sure, maybe lots of people believe that they are born with one gender preference or another, but that is unfair to push that onto those who believe it is their choice.

[olive]

i saw this on the blog joe my god ,today...

Well, having in the past being a practitioner of such deprave behavior I can tell you it wasn't a matter of "wanting", but more an addictive need. There is a huge percentage of gay men who suffer from depression (mainly as a result of societal pressures to be straight as well as the overt oppression), hence the high suicide rates, drug use, drinking, and of course engaging in risky sexual behaviors such as unprotected sex and sex in public spaces, especially spaces no self-respecting person would find themselves in, such as dark alleys/piers and filthy restrooms

[markolas]

Originally Posted by HejiraNYC

Oh, I'm sure there has never been a single case of heterosexuals having sex in public. There are two things to consider. 1) Whenever you hear anything negative about any minority, it tends to cause the majority to assume that this is something endemic among minorities. Your assumption here is quite myopic and I would dare say a bit bigoted (e.g., the assumption that gay men are filthy, unclean whores whilst heterosexuals require clean, comfy surroundings) 2) Some gay men congregate in public bathrooms because, um, they can. There are very, very few pansexual bathrooms in the U.S. I would imagine that there would be lots of straight encounters in public bathrooms if all bathrooms were non-gender-specific. Your assumptions here are as far off-base as assuming all gay men are pedophiles because of a few highly publicized/sensationalized cases.

THANK YOU!

Originally Posted by olive

i saw this on the blog joe my god ,today...

I try not to be judgmental about things like this. Bathroom sex isn't something I'm interested in (nor is anonymous sex), but I'm not going to say that people who do it are "depraved," and I'm not too quick to pull the sex addict card either. I think gay self-hatred manifests itself in far more destructive and dysfunctional ways that having a quickie in the men's room. Something I find way more troubling is when gay men go out of their way to distance themselves from other gay men, in an "I'm not like those other f*gs" kind of way.