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Originally Posted by mezzoforte
Is there an way to avoid living with him this summer? I totally get why you want to maintain some connection--especially since his instability played a huge role. You can't fix his compulsions, and the drive to stay tied to him in some way (even a destructive one) is pretty understandable. But it seems like just being around each other isn't healthy and brings out the worst (I think you know this.)
Not that there's an easy way out--if you're in the same friend group, you're going to see each other. I guess I would just advise keeping your distance to the extent that that's possible, and doing what you can to look out for yourself here. And in the meantime, dumping things out online whenever you need to, because hey, sometimes it helps  |
Thank you for answering, even though you've had to hear too much about this already
There's no way I can avoid living with him. He's in "my" frat, so he'll be staying there for the summer, and the rent price they offered me isn't going to come up anywhere else in Boston...and my internship is here
I asked that we be on different sides of the house, but I don't know how much that will really do.
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Marissa, if you are always around, making yourself available, there is never a chance for him to miss you. This might sting, but even if you distance yourself, he might never miss you. But it's just a chance you have to take. If you don't, you are going to continue down this destructive path with each other and end up hating each other. If you do, you guys might realize you belong together and work it out. Or you might realize you really don't belong together and that being around him all the time was clouding your judgment, ie you might just want him because you can't have him.
From afar, your love life seems like quite a whirlwind. I've seen/read/heard of some of your relationships and it seems like when you fall, you fall hard. And sometimes, when it's over, you don't let go. You circle back around to some of the same relationships over and over. Is it because of the familiarity?
Don't hold on to past relationships because you are afraid of not being able to find another one. I made that mistake several times and stayed in relationships for far too long because it was scary to start over. Even though it sucks, moving on is so worth it when the relationship no longer is.
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I don't even necessarily want him to miss me and want me back, though. I just want him to not be in this destructive pattern anymore. Distancing myself from the place where he lives is just absolutely not an option. You know how much I hate Wellesley and how depressed I get if I'm stuck here all the time...well, he and our friends know that, too, and the fact that they let me live in their frat rent free for half the year is too incredible to turn my back on them now (I also have responsibilities and a role at the frat.)
I do fall hard. I don't really mind that part at all. I've loved three people, lived with all of them at some point, and really felt like I could have put in the effort to make it work in a long-term way. The problem, I think, is that I'm crazy and I go for crazy people. So it doesn't work. And then you're right, I don't let go, because I think it should work. If this guy were on meds, we wouldn't have this problem right now, but he refuses to consider them. So I sit around blaming a disease and not us, and who wants to give in to something that isn't their fault? But I really don't believe that I do it because I need to be with someone. I would be happy being with any of the three people I mentioned right now or being alone. I don't even really consider it a bad thing that I still think I'm compatible with and would go back to the other two, if the circumstances were right
