[estranged4life]

I'm more in tune with myself then I was back in my younger years. I take better care of myself physically theses days, Not like I didn't in my 'misplaced childhood', but I am a very healthy, hyper and an energetic 40 year old who still has a mind that is about 20 years younger in thought/approach.

I no longer let things that bothered me at age 20 bother me at age 40 - Why bother with the extra energy wasted on the worry? Or the energy on the hatred and annoyance? I just let that **** go and go forward...

People assume I'm much younger because I've gone to great links to take care of myself (No drugs/alcohol/etc.) after ALL the losses I have to endure in my life - and I for one don't want to bury the problems behind some chemically enhancement which will eventually fade away and leave the problem still there. I have family members who have done exactly that and I would rather blaze my own trail and go the different route than what they have chosen to do.


Another thing is that I understand alot of the modern technologies that most in their 40's don't have a grasp on....Doesn't mean I'm better than anyone ("I'm better than noone and noone is better than me - it's all equality"), it's just how I keep my mind active so when I eventually grow old I won't allow my mind to become a waste of matter than stays 3 feet above my ass - there's a reason for it and I will take full advantage of it until the very end.

Relationship wise, I think I'll be a better husband/Father (I'm kinda a "Father" to my ex-fiancee's Christy/former Ledgie "nickay's" daughter Savannah and my niece Kendra and nephew Shane - Moreso Savannah since I can understand some of what she is going through at the age of 13) someday down the road. I learned alot from the 17 years Debbie & I were together (Married for 15 years) and won't make the same mistakes as I did - I try to learn from them to avoid making them over and over.

I'm sure in about 9 years I will still be a metalhead, still on the Ledge posting, still addicted to Sudoku, and writing my thoughts down because I sometimes cannot verbalize the words (I'm a 'non-verbal communicative intro-vertive personality') to describe how I am feeling at the exact time I am asked...Christy/'nickay' can tell you that, she's known me for almost 23 years now.