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Originally Posted by Remy
I didnt ask before, since I wasnt sure if it was suitable to pose such questions here... but i figured Ledgies dont refrain from tackling some serious issues... and I'm curious to find out what you think.
I've been wondering... how much of one's struggles and problems can be traced back to childhood, particularly one's relationship with parents?
I've always struggled with self-esteem issues (and everything related to them: insecurity, difficulties with trust and confidence in relationships), and it sometimes haunts my thoughts, whether it's just the way I'm "programmed" or something more. My parents were by no means abusive, but neither were/are particularly emotional or supportive. On the other hand - many people I know have similarly "neutral" parents, and they "came out fine", or even self-confident.
Is/Was there anything problematic in your personality that you feel might have to do with they way your parents raised you up?
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There are always questions about nature vs. nurture.. and probably not a lot of consensus even in the psychological community. There are studies that seem to provide evidence for and against both. I think most fair-minded people recognize each plays a significant role in molding who we become.
One of the things I've found to be insightful in my own life is the realization that it is not what happens/doesn't happen to us that really has an impact;
it is what we tell ourselves about what happens/doesn't happen to us... the meaning we draw from these experiences about why/how it happened to us. There is always an internal dialogue going on in our minds whether we're completely aware of it or not. And I'm sure you've probably heard elsewhere about how children have a profound ability to make any situation about themselves.. it's just because they are trying desperately to make sense of the world around them and it's nearly impossible at a young age to see the world from a perspective outside themselves.
I do believe parents/primary caregivers have an incredible impact on children... these are the most important figures in our young lives. They help shape and mold our subjective understanding of the world around us... and that's probably an understatement.
I also have struggled with issues of self-esteem so I hear where you're coming from. I also have had to deal with some very difficult fear/anxiety issues that still plague aspects of my life. And I believe a lot of it does stem from my early years. My father left our family when I was 8, shortly after my grandpa, (mother's father) who I looked up to as a primary male role model, passed away. But it wasn't until recent years when other issues related to my father came to light.. and it helped explain why I never felt comfortable/close with him from a very early age. There are so many other dynamics in play as well, that it would be too hard to explain in a forum like this... but needless to say, I do see how my early experiences have affected me profoundly.
That being said, I know I am wired in a certain way that has made me particularly sensitive and intuitive about the world/people around me. If you could place another person in my exact situation, I think it's very likely they wouldn't become the exact same person I am today (making the same decisions or having the same perspectives).
So I guess a short answer is: there is no definitive answer... lol! But I hope it helps to know you're not alone in wondering about your past and how it's affected you. I think almost all of us ask ourselves these questions at some point in life.