Quote:
Originally Posted by carrie721
jannie - is there anyone on this planet who is nonjudgmental? calling someone judgmental these days has pretty much the same connotation as calling someone a bigot, which is a little absurd. everyone is judgmental, or, to use a less loaded term, discerning. everyone has a set of standards they hold themselves and others to, and implying that iamnotafraid is a bad friend because he bristles at his friend's refusal to change something that he himself is unhappy with is silly. what is the value in being "supportive" if it fosters a friend's unhappiness and unhealthiness?
somewhere along the way, "overweight" became a new untouchable minority in our culture, as if someone is simply born fat, just as someone is born black or born gay. of course there is a vast spectrum of body types - i could lose 60 pounds, but i'd still be a short, broad-shouldered broad, whereas my brother is a foot taller and has to work to put on weight - but by and large, having a BMI in the obese range is a choice. again, i am not speaking from a lofty, skinny-bitch perch. i have a BMI of 36. i have struggled with my weight since a kid named jason fitzgerald first called me fat in 4th grade (funnily enough, i was not fat then, but i am now). however, i now exercise every day. i have to think about everything i eat because i was not taught healthy eating habits growing up. i know firsthand that the damage of eating disorders is deep, and quitting overeating is different from, say, quitting smoking because we need to eat to survive. so a person with an eating disorder faces his/her demon multiple times a day. i get that. but i do not think that it is an insurmountable obstacle for most people, nor do i think that treating it as such is beneficial to anyone.
JTIS.
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You know, because of the field I am in, I do work with extremely NON-judgmental and empathetic people. Of course, that's a good thing, but it also contributes to my idea that most everyone either is or should be that way too. I know that I have to work really hard at it because of what I do, and I shouldn't sound holier-than-thou because I do have my own biases. So, you're right- everyone has some level of judgment-passing (I'm hurrying- at work-can't think of better words right now). What bugs me is when someone passes a judgment (either in an obvious way or a subtle way) and then doesn't acknowlege or own up to their feelings. All that being said, this is a Fleetwood Mac fan message board and not a place to wax poetic on empathy, diversity, and so on.
For what it's worth, I do believe one can be a supportive friend and still be able to SAY, "you know you seem to be awfully unhappy about your weight and I notice you sure do eat a lot..." or some variation of that. I don't think that we should tippy toe around people. But to comment on Anne Wilson's unflattering wardrobe choice felt catty and mean spirited to me, hence my responses.