I think that things have gotten much better since I was a kid and certainly over the last 100 years. For example, the Feds, states, and/or municipalities have passed civil partnership laws, same sex marriage, resolutions disallowing firing based on sexuality (the main one was an Executive Order signed by Clinton that W never rescinded - kudos to him for that) - etc. So, while there is much work to be done, the burden is less than it was.
As for Ellen's stastement ""Laughing at someone because he's gay is just the start of it." - I think there a limit to that. After all, Will and Grace made fun of gay people in, I think, a positive way and IMO certainly brought gay people much more into the mainstream
So, I think a little good hearted levity on the subject is fine.
Finally, what a tragedy for all the people involved in this. I have to wonder what the murder's parents taught or did not teach him so that he had so much hate.