My ****s are sporadic and usually an awful experience. Here is my long poo filled tale:
About two years ago, my stomach started to become VERY fickle. I could eat anything, but a day or so later I would get an AWFUL stomach ache during school. I don't know how recently you all have seen a public High School boy's restroom, but its absolutely disgusting. There is no way I'm going to **** at school unless my lower intestine is slowly but surely venturing outside of my asshole.
Anyway, I went to my pediatrician, who recommended liquid enemas, which let me tell you, was the most unpleasant experience of my life and reaffirmed that I most certainly am straight.
After two more appointments and little improvement, I was sent to a specialist.
Seeing this specialist involved waiting for two hours in a very, VERY small lobby with a large amount of non-English speaking Hispanics. This was a bad sign, but not an indicator of things to come.
The doctor was very knowledgeable, proceeded to lay me on my back and play my stomach like a Congo. He said I would need an x-ray, which indeed confirmed that I literally, was full of ****, which led to the diagnoses of an Impacted Colon.
After this, I was prescribed two laxatives, "go-lightly" and "miralax." The Go-Lightly is the most horrible, explosive laxative on the face of the planet. Basically, you have to drink a gallon of salt water, which I chose to do while watching "Blue Thunder" staring Roy Scheider. Apparently I thought it was a much better movie then it ended up being.
Anyway, this laxative caused me to have the most liquidy diarrhea one could imagine over the course of two hours. After this, I felt better than ever.
I currently drink the other prescription, Miralax every night, and still have problems poo-ing in school.
My latest poo was diarrheal turdlings.
Thanks for listening to my story.