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Originally Posted by lieueitak
Let me preface this by saying two things: one, I'm not a huge fan of CAH, and two, I haven't read her book. And maybe if I do read her book, I'll feel differently, but I am honestly shocked at what a few people have said about Carol Ann placing her child up for adoption. Being a parent means that you must be willing to sacrifice your own happiness and needs for the benefit of your child. And sometimes, the best decision a woman/man/couple can make is knowing that she/he/they cannot provide those things for tir baby.
Even if CAH was uncomfortable with the idea of having a baby out of wedlock, in the end, if she really wanted to be a mother, she would have. I expect, like most difficult decisions in life, this one was not made lightly. And certainly, there's nothing wrong with putting your child up for adoption so that he/she may have a better life with someone else.
A question: does Carol Ann say/know what happened to her biological child? Because if not, then I think it's really wrong to say that this baby never had her mother's love. Carol Ann may be the biological mother, but if this little girl was adopted, then the only mother who matters is the one who raised her. I myself am adopted, and I have never once felt as though I had been robbed. My parents are the people who raised me, who loved me, who helped me through the hard times.
I know that a lot of people don't like CAH. I'm one of them, but I don't think it's necessary to find evil in every little thing she has done. Maybe she did give her child up for lame reasons. But if that's true, then she very obviously was not ready to make the sacrifices inherent in being a parent. In other words, she would have done the right thing for her child, and I don't see any reason to fault her for that. Especially when there are way better reasons to hate her.  |
I agree with you. The decision that Carol Ann Harris made was not simplistic and selfish. The author speaks of what happened to the baby on page 4 of the book. The baby girl had a name. I cannot fault any woman for this anguished decision. "For on the day I signed the adoption papers, a part of me died, and was still dead." At the end of the book, page 373, she not only was reunited with her daughter, but invited and attended her wedding.
So clearly and early in this book it becomes clear that Carol Ann was not strong, not healthy- rather, pathologically passive. "From that moment we lived life on John's terms." When she was wronged, she never confronted it, never discussed it. And the cycle continued.