There were moments of struggle in high school for me. Freshman year was tough. Some people picked on me a little at first, but I got mad and got even pretty quickly. I was kind of a dork, in total shutdown mode, and had recently "broken up" with my best friend from 7th and 8th grade. However, it all got way better at the end of that year and the next year. I fell in with the drama freaks and started performing. Plus ran track for awhile. The other actor freaks provided a great refuge and I met some other people who played guitar and wrote songs so we would hang out and play onstage after school when there wasn't some play rehearsal going on. It culminated in a freakish senior year when it become hip to act and a number of jocks and popular girls decided they had to be in West Side Story. Heh, then they were on my turf and it was a fantastic turn of the tables. Tons of parties, drinking, cocaine, nights at the park, staying out till dawn. There wasn't that whole money competition going on. People I had been intimidated by because of their looks and popularity mostly revealed themselves to be decent and just as scared in their own ways as everyone else. Quite a lesson for all of us. There was a charmed element to it. There is a certain low grade of terror that comes with ending that period and moving on that can make people bond. For us, I think we all felt accepted for exactly who we were, and truly appreciated for our differences. It was fantastic. We all knew it. I have to say it was a good group. I remember that the lot of us were absolutely electrified by it and were completely conscious of the fact that it was a golden moment in time that would never happen again. The bawling and hugging and promises of our grad party were epic. And good god, it was a sexy and sex filled time. Booze and youth and horny 18 year old jocks - how can you go wrong with that?
Well, I guess you could in myriad ways. I didn't, though.
The 10 year reunion was fun - not great, but fun. The 20, which was a couple years ago was a true riot. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Not because it was the most memorable night of my life. It was just a good benchmark lifewise. I enjoyed seeing what people had done. What choices they had made and how that contrasted with who they were 20 years ago or totally contradicted who they used it be. It was fascinating, and at the same time melancholic. The city is different. I am different. In fact, the Sunday I was waiting for my plane, the drive around my old neighborhood was almost enough to make me vomit. At one moment I had to park as I cruised around the old hood and past the high school. I still can't explain the feeling I had but it was as close to a panic attack as I have ever been. That part wasn't fun. But I am glad I did it. I know it was an important experience to have had. I can't say I necessarily grew as a person from it, or became better or stronger. But in hindsight I did learn from it. It gave me a sense of who I used to be and who I was that very day. Ultimately it gave gravity to my life. It lended the journey of the last 20 years a concrete, can't deny it kind of reality. The perspective it gave me was priceless. What happened after those years came into relief and made so much sense. Its rare to be able to sit and look back and understand why one's life became what it is. Knowing that can be extremely powerful. I think it might give us the abilitiy to steer the remaining years with more clarity and purpose.
High school was hardly the pinnacle of my life. I know it is for some people. For others, it is also the absolute low point. Either way, I don't think for anyone that the experience was without meaning. Its just up to us to figure out what that meaning is and to use it to our advantage. As they say, the unexamined life is not worth living.