[BlackWidow]

Originally Posted by Rickypt

I don't know if you're just asking Carrie for advice, if so then just ignore this.

People are probably sick of hearing about my experience, but I'll say that I never thought I'd be with a smoker. Then I met Gil (late partner). When we first got together, I thought to myself that I would get him to stop within a few months...that if he loved me he'd do it.

After awhile I didn't even think about it because I was so in love with him that it didn't really matter to me that he smoked. I regret not talking with him more about the smoking, though, because it did hasten his death when the cancer spread to his lungs.

My point, though, is that I'm not sure someone's smoking is worth breaking up over this early into the relationship? I shudder to think what my life would be like if I had rejected my great relationship so early on.

Smoking is really bad, but I think different than if he were a drug addict or something. You love him deeply--that is huge. Does he have to "choose" right away? Can you keep working on the relationship and then when it hits the really serious moment (i.e., moving in together, etc.) address the smoking? In the meantime, just let him know how much you hate the smoking and that if he wants to grow the relationship he'll have to quit at some point? That way he has time to reflect on it and the make the "choice" at his own pace?

Maybe there's more going on than the smoking, but when I read things like "I love him deeply", then I think the relationship is worth working on.

You are very wise, grasshopper!