Hi, I am new to the ledge and was reading about your dog and my heart goes out to you sooooo much!
About 4 years ago my canine best friend of 12 years was diagnosed with cancer of the spleen... I was told that their was nothing to do for her but palliative care, my vet then told me that I would probably still have her with me for the next few months as she wasnt in any pain at this time. I went home devastated but relieved to finally know what was wrong (she had been ill with a stomach infection for nearly two weeks,,, I took her to 3 different vets plus a dog physiotherapist, spent all my savings (about $1500) trying to find out what was wrong.... finally the third vet diagnosed correctly the stomach infection and we treated that... once the infection was gone then I found the lump and I knew it wasnt a good lump (she'd had fatty ones before)
I went home with enough cortisone tablets for the next 2 months and the instructions to come back if she seemed to get worse.
That night I went to work (I worked at a theatre restaurant at the time as a performer) crying my eyes out every time I thought about it. I stayed back a bit longer than normal and had a couple of drinks (drowning my sorrows, but not enough to get drunk)
When I got home, I asked my partner where Zoe was and he said that she was outside.. she hadnt wanted to come in.... I went to the toilet... and then outside to bring her in... I called her name and couldnt see her... then I looked down at my feet and my beautiful baby had died coming to the door to meet me...(I swear that her spirit was still there) I have never felt so much grief in my life (I am crying now remembering the moment) but now I can also remember her with a smile.
I just want to say that I can fully understand your wanting to prolong Cash's life as long as you can.... and I fully support your decision to do that! I am a firm believer that your loved one will tell you when they are no longer able to stay for you....
I truly believe that Zoe waited until the vet diagnosed her... it is like she could sense my helplessness when I didnt know what was wrong and sense my relief when I did... and when she sensed that relief she was able to say goodbye... I spent hours laying with her telling her that if she wanted to go at anytime not to feel bad, not to feel that she had to hold on for me.... when she did go it was devastating but I knew that she had waited as long as she could.
Good Luck for Cash and I know you are treasuring every moment.... I really feel for you and I hope I havent been totally inappropriate in telling you my story.... Its just that Unconditional love deserves to be remembered
