Lol !
Mine would be "you should start using night cream" or "you should not eat more, you have gained a lot of weight lately"
Just kidding..(but seriously, I hate it when people make negative comments about one's appearances). I don't know what to write, because I am not a native english speaker and most of the insults you 've written don't come across the same way here. But I hate it when people imply that I am either stupid (the "ok, keep talking, noone listens to you anyway" sort of thing) or that I don't have good taste.
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