I certainly don't think these guys were meant to be role models, nor do I think anyone can vilify them for "living a lie." I think one of the main things I got from the movie was that everything isn't as black and white as people like to think it is. They were dealing with the situation the way they had been conditioned to deal with it, by their environment and their upbringing. Like sparky said, they aren't right or wrong.
As far as this "true love" business goes, I'm inclined to think of it as a steaming pile of crap that was made up to sell books and movie tickets.
I've certainly never experienced it.