[estranged4life]

an adult at age 7 when my Father died on Oct.22,1977...Watching the vultures swoon in and take everything we owned was beyond words, Especially when those same people were relatives.

I was again forced to become an adult when I pleaded guilty to 2 felonies in March 1988 (No jury was needed, I was wrong and I took my punishment like a man...Unlike others I blamed noone but myself)...Let's just say I had (And still to an extent) have a very short & violent temper, And if you try to provoke me I will be at yer throat and trying to end your life.

I was again forced to grow the f**k up when Deb was diagnosed with cancer in August 2003. It's funny how an illness of a loved one can change your outlook on life, And it reset my priorities in life (Which wasnt much a problem ever to begin with). What's more important, Paying debt you ran up or paying for medical treatment (While ignoring the debt/bills) so you dont end up losing your loved one since she is all I have left? Sorry, The debt doesnt mean s**t in the choice....That's a 'no-brainer'!!! (At least all our debts are credit card related & a few medical bills...No loan, car loan and/or mortage to worry about.)

Finally I was forced to grow up when my Mother died (Or as for 'us', My Mom's 5 children say "She was murdered") this year...I had to be the man in the family to keep my older siblings from losing it the whole time while trying to keep myself from losing it...I guess i did good, But who knows. It has brought back the anger issue, Which no counselor on this planet can help me work thru, No way!!! This hospital screwed my Mother up on 4 previous occassions (Including once where she sued them for mal-practice and won) and this 4th time was the final screwup, They took my Mother...I, Along with my older siblings, plan to take their whole livelyhoods!!!

People want to know why I am such a sarcastic asshole, it's easy...It's the only release I have that keeps me grounded and allows the anger to not build, Otherwise I would probably hurt many who love me by not being able to keep my emotions in check.

Growing up, is something I doubt I will ever master...It will probably only happen when they close the casket door on me.