One of my weirdest/scariest/funniest experiences happened several months ago (March, April?)
I was coming home from a bar at about 230-3am and fumbling in the pitch dark for my keys (there's only one streetlight on my whole friggin' block). Then from over my shoulder a light comes on and I turn around to see what I assumed was a homeless guy holding a flashlight
. He tells me I looked like I needed a hand, and I say thanks. Not knowing what the hell else I'm supposed to say
. So I get the door open and try to squeeze in and shut it behind me, but he puts his foot in the door and asks to use the phone. I tell him I don't have one but I'll give him change for the pay phone at the Chevron station down the street. He then tells me that I'm a liar because he saw me talking on my cell when I pulled in the driveway!
Now I'm starting to freak out a little and tell him he has to get out of here before the neighbors call the cops, to which he says "F*ck your neighbors!"
I'm still in front of the door and he's still got his foot in it. I was pretty buzzed and not thinking as well as I should have so I open the door the rest of the way and yell "What the f*ck do you want from me!?". I'm thinking I should make noise so that hopefully someone will look out the window before he shoots/stabs/beats me to a bloody pulp. As I'm saying this I reach over and turn on the patio lights. The "homeless" guy was actually my roommate who had just gotten home from his boyfriends
. If I wasn't so drunk, I'd have noticed his car parked beside mine, and for that matter, his voice! Apparently he thought he'd have a laugh at my expense. So he did. I wasn't able to laugh at it for several days, considering I almost pissed my pants...
