I like this one Hil
1) What would you say if a relatively close friend of yours asked to listen to your heartbeat?
....Um, no
2) With a stethoscope?
...get away
3) With his or her ear?
....you're freaking me out
4) What if it was the same situation but with an acquaintance instead?
...Hell no
5) What if someone wanted to record your heartbeat to listen to repeatedly?
....what's wrong with you??!!!
(nothing against you, Hillary. I just have personal space issues. 
)
6) What are the four best non-alcoholic drinks besides water?
um, coffee
7) What are the four best alcoholic drinks?
Jack & Coke, 7 & 7's, Adios Mother****ers, Vodka
~~senseless either/or section~~
8) Martin Luther King Jr. or Malcolm X?
MLK JR...X was too violent
9) Julius Caesar or Much Ado About Nothing?
...Caesar 'cause I haven't read the other one
10) Macbeth or Hamlet?
Hamlet
11) The Beatles or Elvis?
ELVIS
12) The Beatles or Fleetwood Mac?
Fleetwood Mac duhhhh
13) Bill Frist or Fred Phelps?
neither
14) Britney or Kevin?
Die.
15) Jessica or Ashlee?
Jessica
16) Blueberries or blackberries?
gag
17) Cockroaches or mole crickets (potato bugs)?
...crickets
18) What’s the funnier book title—Fire: Friend and Foe or Pass Me a Pine Cone?
Pass me a Pine Cone!
19) Have you ever experienced any pleasure (as a child or otherwise) from playing with insects? (Playing with does not mean torturing and killing, by the way).
Sure, playing with a magnifying glass...
20) Do you hate crowds of people as much as I do?
YES. I get anxiety attacks...
21) Do you have an overwhelming urge to rally support for legislation banning children in restaurants when you’re trying to eat and one starts crying vociferously?
No. I have an overwhelming urge to go and slap the **** out of them.
22) Did you cringe when Dubya said that the situation in Iraq was vociferous when he meant to say it was chaotic?
I cringe whenever he speaks lol
23) Was that a rhetorical question?
sure
24) Will MJ get off like OJ did?
I hope not, but I think he will.