This one killed me! I hadn't checked out the Retro Toes before.
Toe Factor: 8.5
Seen at: Playing State Fairs
There's a lot to work with here. We'll start with the two center-part victims. The one on the left is giving a snotty, Donna-from-90210 glare and the one on the right looks like a cross between Doug Henning and Karen Carpenter after a meatball sandwich (hey, anything's possible in the world of magic). Between them is a guy who looks like he's working the dastardly hairpiece/mullet combo, a long-haired version of Lee Horsley, who played "Matt Houston" during the 1980s. But this is a poor-man's Horsley, and Horsley himself was the poor-man's Tom Selleck. The primary TOE is on the left, and it is a disturbing plate of snake and eggs. Yet there's little doubt that, lurking behind clasped hands and faux silk robes, the others are sporting toes, too. Unless you live in Burbank, Glendale, or some other Valley hamlet in which every other house on your block is shooting porn by the pool, you're not likely to see humans of this color and stripe anytime soon.
The amazing thing about them was that they were from Canada and did not suck. Rush is almost good enough to offset the malice inflicted upon the world by Bryan Adams and Celine Dion. Wait... nothing can ever compensate for Celine Dion. She makes my bowels squirm. But this photo shows you just how ridiculous a rock band can get despite being immensely talented. Look at the outfits. Look at the hair. Look at the toe. But not for too long. Look away! It can do damage. "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice." Truer words have never been spoken.