May I share my dark side?
My ex dumped me, like a hot potato, on Jan 2nd. And the past 69 days have been absolute f*cking hell for me. I've not been this down(with one exception) ever. Absolutely distraught.
So I'm on vacation. Ran into a friend from high school last night(believe it or not, 300 miles from home!). And we had the most AWESOME freaking day I've had in years, today. Partied like rock stars, ALL DAY($200 in bloody marys!), then went to dinner. Had a great dinner, laughing and enjoying each other. Then I go to pee, before we leave the restaurant...
Text pops in from my ex. "I'm so sorry for what I put you through. The guy I left you for, dumped me. So I know how you feel, and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry".
Moronic me...."well, I love you, and............xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"(I only received a text back) "I just need time alone".
So, apparently, reconciliation isn't an option at this point(and I'm fine with that, for now), BUT BUT BUT, I am secretly SO F*CKING happy, that my replacement was the DUMPER. Not the DUMPEE. The DUMPER. And that the ex is so upset. And that they're apart! "So this guy doesn't worship the ground you walk on(like me)?", is what I wanted to say....but of course I didn't.
I KNOW that that is mean, and I'm NOT a mean person, but I'm so relieved. 2012 has been eating me alive. A case of ketchup couldn't fix the sh*t sandwich that 2012 has been for me....
I feel MEAN, and that makes me feel badly about myself. But I'm just so happy that their relationship is over. I guess only for hopes of reconciliation(that, and I completely changed several things about myself....honestly, I became the "best me" that I ever have been(and was happy for the changes), and it still wasn't enough).
I wish I wanted somebody else, but I don't....I have been trying to talk myself into just "having a good time", but I just can't do it. I freaking wanna be married...Sick, huh? But I still feel mean, and feel badly about that...
JTIS.
