The Ledge - Funny reference to Stevie influencing Superbowl Outcome

Many factors will flow into Steelers win Sunday

By Patrick McManamon
Beacon Journal sports columnist

POSTED: 02:52 p.m. EST, Jan 30, 2009

This is a tough Super Bowl for Browns fans, what with the Pittsburgh Steelers on the verge of winning another one.

But . . . picking a Super Bowl means setting aside preconceived notions and looking at things with an analytical and unbiased eye.

One caveat: The Arizona Cardinals are a football team named after a state. Which is pretty silly. From this point we shall refer to Phoenix as the home of the Cardinals, because it pretty much is.

Phoenix is named after a majestic bird rising from the ashes to gain new life. Plus two, Cardinals.

Pittsburgh is the burg of pits, smelly stinky things under the arms. Minus one, Steelers.

Phoenix is in the desert, a mystical place that has front yards of rocks and cactus reaching to the sky. Plus two, Cardinals.

Pittsburgh has had soot and smoot and pollution and yards of dirty grass from years of neglect. Minus one, Steelers.

Pittsburgh has Dan Rooney, simply the finest owner in all of the NF-of-L. Plus 20, Steelers.

Phoenix has Bill Bidwill. I knew Dan Rooney. I worked with Dan Rooney. Mr. Bidwill, you're no Dan Rooney. That was uncalled for. Minus two, Cardinals.

Pittsburgh has a ketchup (Hines), a clock (Ben) and a Greek city (Troy). Plus one, Steelers.

Phoenix has a shaving cream (Edge), a Berry (Bertrand) and a court filing (Dockett). Plus one, Cardinals.

Pittsburgh has Dick LeBeau coaching the defense, a hall of fame worthy assistant coach who has devised more schemes and blitzes than Jessica Simpson. Whatever that means. Plus three, Steelers.

Phoenix has Maurice Carthon coaching the running backs. Yes, that Maurice Carthon. No points.

Pittsburgh's colors are nasty black and gold. They have been that way since the Boston Tea Party. They bring to mind Jack Lambert and Jack Ham and Joe Greene and all those other mean and snarly black and gold guys. Plus two, Steelers.

Phoenix's colors are red and white, which are nice for the Red Cross but not for a football team. Minus one, Cardinals.

Pittsburgh is located at the confluence. Any time one can use the word confluence, he should. It's that kind of word. Confluence. C-o-n-f-l-u-e-n-c-e. Confluence. Plus one, Steelers.

Phoenix is located by the Salt River, which, at times in its past, was pretty much a dusty old river bed with rocks and gila monsters and lizards and rattlesnakes. Pretty cool. Plus three, Cardinals.

But it's no confluence. Minus one, Cardinals.

Pittsburgh is located in the Allegheny Mountains. Whoop dee doodle doo. Minus two, Steelers.

Phoenix is located in the Valley of the Sun, and it has the most magnificent sunsets this side of Yellowstone. Plus three, Cardinals.

Of course it gets to be about 120 degrees there in the summer. Minus two, Cardinals.

But it's a ''dry heat.'' Plus two, Cardinals.

Right about now, any heat sounds pretty good. Plus six, Cardinals.

One can drive a relatively short distance from Phoenix and see the Grand Canyon, one of the great splendors of this or any other world. Plus four, Cardinals.

One can drive from Pittsburgh and see West Virginia. No points.

Phoenix has cactus everywhere. With their arms reaching upward, they are the coolest things, provided you do not try to hug them. Plus two, Cardinals.

Pittsburgh has a lot of smokestacks, which are kind of nice if you're not used to much. Minus two, Steelers.

Pittsburgh also has a bunch of bridges, which turns driving there into an experience not unlike trying to get out of a maze. Minus two, Steelers.

These bridges are needed because of the confluence. Yes, the confluence. Any doubt about anything in Pittsburgh? It's because of the confluence. Plus two, Steelers.

Phoenix has the Biltmore, fabulous resorts, mountains and owls that burrow into the ground to escape the ''dry heat.'' Plus four, Cardinals.

Pittsburgh has Carnegie Mellon. Yes, it's near the confluence. Plus one, Steelers.

Pittsburgh has the league's best defense. Plus three, Steelers.

Phoenix doesn't really have the league's best anything. Except for Kurt Warner, who is one of the league's best guys. Plus one, Cardinals.

Because of Kurt the Cardinals are second in the league in passing. Plus one, Cardinals.

That won't do much against Pittsburgh, which will rush him like a fraternity. Minus one, Cardinals.

Phoenix is 28th in the league in points allowed. That's not good. Plus two, Steelers.

Phoenix is the sixth-largest city in the United States. If it continues growing, it will drain all water from all rivers between the Donner Pass and Pass Christian, Miss. Minus two, Cardinals.

Pittsburgh has a linebacker from Kent State named after a president. Plus one, Steelers.

James Harrison and Lamar Woodley and Larry Foote and James Farrior and Brett Keisel and Greg Lloyd and Andy Russell all rush the passer for Pittsburgh with the ferocity of a chained marmalute. Never take a malamute to the confluence. No points.

Pittsburgh has Willie Parker, a good running back. And Hines Ward, a football player's football player. And Troy Polamalu, who is simply amazing. Someone ought to take their picture at the confluence. Plus three, Steelers.

Phoenix has Larry Fitzgerald, who went to Pitt, which is near the confluence. And it has Kurt, who really had an amazing season. Plus two, Cardinals.

Phoenix went winless on the road on the East Coast this regular season. Nice showing. Minus one, Cardinals.

The Cardinals did win in the playoffs in Carolina, though to do so they beat another one of those ridiculous teams named after a state. No points.

A guy named Jack Swilling was one of the founders of Phoenix, who while listening to his iPod sat above the Valley of the Sun and thought: Hey, we could irrigate that valley and make it a city. Plus one for the Cardinals for outstanding city planning.

A guy named Darrell Dupa suggested the name of Phoenix, because the city was growing where the Hohokam Indian community was located as early as 300 BC. For some reason that's pretty cool. Plus two, Cardinals.

In 1870, 61 lots of land were sold in Phoenix for $48 each. Due to the economic downturn, those lots are now worth $37. By 1872, the entire town was worth $550, about the price of one room for one night at the Biltmore.

Famous Phoenix residents include Amanda Blake (Miss Kitty on Gunsmoke), Dierks Bentley, Glen Campbell, Joe Borowski, Leslie Nielsen (''A hospital! What is it?''), Nils Lofgren (who will perform at halftime today with some guy named Bruce), Stevie Nicks, and Alice Cooper. That all adds up to plus six, Cardinals.

Alice Cooper? Minus three, Cardinals.

Pittsburgh residents of note include Jonas Salk, Andrew Carnegie, Henry Heinz and whoever it was who invented the Clark bar. Perry Como and Jimmy Stewart were born near the city. And some guy named Warhol is from Pittsburgh. No points.

Pittsburgh was settled by French folks selling ''Freedom Fries.'' Minus two, France.

Pittsburgh used to be the steel city. Until the steel mills left because they could make the steel cheaper by employing slave labor in foreign countries and bypassing the local Pittsburgh unions. Minus two, Steelers.

Pittsburgh is one of the top robotic cities in the United States. No, you cannot make this stuff up.

Phoenix is one of the top golf cities. Plus three, Cardinals.

Finally, Frank Lloyd Wright built his school of architecture near Phoneix. It's called Taliesen West. Plus three, Cardinals.

Wright's famous home Falling Water is located near Pittsburgh. Plus two, Steelers.

Pittsburgh is home of the confluence. Arizona is not. The confluence is big. Minus 11, Cardinals.

Add up the points and the result is Pittsburgh 31, Arizona 24.

Always favor the confluence.

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Patrick McManamon

http://www.ohio.com/news/top_stories/38709454.html

(everyone picks on Alice. He used to know who he was.)

I recall an interview where Stevie refers to 'Miss Kitty,' Amanda Blake, as an influence on one of her songs. Anyone recall?