The importance of the Oscars
 

ANNOUNCER-(voice over) And now, a Q and A period with the director.
Q 1-I want to know if people…
(a woman on fire runs amok)
Q 1-Well that answers it.
ANNOUNCER-(voice over) Next question
Q 2-I want to know why I don’t have an Oscar?
(Cut to “Antonia Swlabr” sketch. Theme music and stuff. Segue to a movie set of Central Park. Cast and crew are prepping for the next scene)
DIRECTOR-Okay, this is a very crucial. This is a very powerful scene. I need lots of emotion, Antonia. Lots of it. Baby, this is your time to shine. If you can do this, you’ll get an Oscar.
(show Antonia, who is bearded)
ANTONIA-(cocks her head like a dumb puppy) What’s an Oscar, Marty?
DIRECTOR-(sighs) I’ll explain later. Alright, places!
(actors in their places)
DIRECTOR-Lights! Camera! Action!
(a gang of actors are around Antonia)
ANTONIA-(hamming) Hello.
ACTOR 1-(unenthusiastically) Hey there, bearded lady.
ACTOR 2-(looks at others in a ‘what the f*** is this crap’ way) My gosh, look at this freak.
ANTONIA-(hamming) Who’s the freak?
ACTOR-(can’t believe he is saying this) You are…freak!
(actors start reluctantly taunting her)
ANTONIA-(hamming) You say I am a freak, but I say you’re wrong! I am not a freak. Don’t you know that beneath an ugly person is a good, kind person.
(actors are silent)
ANTONIA-(hamming) I hope you realize that I can be just as good as you, even with my defect!
DIRECTOR-And cut! (to Antonia) That… was… just… brilliant.
(cut to film premiere. Then show newspaper critics giving five stars, two thumbs up etc. Show a major movie critic on his show)
CRITIC-Robert De Niro went ugly years ago, and even he can’t beat this transformation. I hope she wins the Oscar. If she doesn’t, then the Academy is full of a bunch of idiots.
(pan to Director and his studio boss swinging a pendulum. Cut to the Oscars. Two presenters are about to present Best Actress)
PRESENTER 1-And this years’ Oscar goes to… (opens envelope. Shows it to Presenter 2)
PRESENTER 2-Beard or without, Antonia Swlabr!
(cheers and applause. Antonia is stunned. Theme music is played by orchestra. Music abruptly winds down as it cuts back to Q 2)
ANNOUNCER-(voice over) Next question

Bonus- A cookie to anyone who's willing to guess what Swlabr stands for and who is it by