Doing Things Alone
 

This has been a subject on a few messageboards I go to lately and I was curious to see how people feel about it here.

I personally have no issues with doing things alone. I go to concerts and movies alone, I've gone to restaurants alone, I've even traveled alone. Not because I don't have friends, but because either they're busy or are not interested in the activity, I'm already out and about and decide to, or because I just need to hang out with just me for awhile. I also can't imagine NOT doing something that I want to do simply because I don't have anyone specific to do it with.

Here in NYC, I think it's a pretty common thing, because so many people are busy and on their own schedules. I also wonder if it's partially an age thing, now that I'm older, I'm less conscious of what other people would think of me hanging out by myself.

But, I'm also finding that the more I see people talking about how they would "never" do one thing or another alone, it makes me wonder what they think of the people who do. I know that it shouldn't matter, but it's one of those things where if someone says "I would NEVER go to a restaurant by myself!", you kind of automatically are like "... but I do that all the time."

Anyway, this is a bit of a ramble. So in a summary, do you like to do things on your own? Does it make you nervous or uncomfortable? What kind of things do you not mind doing by yourself and what things do you try to do with groups?

From an early age I've been doing things alone, enjoying my own company. I love the freedom that not having to hold a conversation when you don't feel like it and being able to go wherever you wish brings. I've been known to head off for a supposedly short visit to town to go shopping and just dissappear for a few days with my iPod and my own thoughts. It's empowering to live by your own schedule and do your own thing. I don't see many of my friends wishing to walk through a wet and muddy forest with me just for the lark of it. So I keep that little pleasure among many just to myself :p

It irritates me when people can't do anything alone. Like, one of my friends, I have to go to the bathroom with her at school or at the mall or something. She can't just go. I don't enjoy going to movies or concerts alone because I want to be able to enjoy the experience with someone else and talk about it with someone else, but things like shopping, going to restaurants, taking a walk (like Bee said), and those things I will do on my own, because it's true, I don't care what people think. And I do sit at coffee shops before class and read to myself once in a while. I think it's really good to spend time with yourself every once in a while, or hell, all the time.

This is an interesting question... I touched a little bit in the "Parents" post about fears I have (without being specific) due to issues stemming from my childhood. Being independent has always been a difficult thing for me and something I still struggle with to this day (I'm 28 years old). I don't like having to run errands by myself (although I do out of necessity), or the idea of going to a movie by myself, or even going to get a bite to eat by myself... I would much prefer the company of someone I'm close to. This really comes from a place of deep anxiety, so it's not just something I arbitrarily have a preference for. I'm not so focused on how it looks to other people to be out and about by myself.. I really don't care much about that.

When it comes to down time, I LOVE having time to myself... I would go as far as to say I NEED having a decent amount of time to myself each day. I'm a fairly analytical thinker, so my mind is wrought with processing things that have happened during the day, or things that are going to happen during the day... likewise, I'm an abstract/creative thinker, so some of the time is spent in imaginative thoughts... music is usually a large part of this time!

As of late, I've been doing a lot of things alone. Last year, I didn't want to do certain things alone and made a habit out of going to the record store with someone I never thought I'd strike up a friendship with.

I prefer to shop alone, though, particularly for clothes and records. I can't be bothered with the incessant nattering of other people's company, unless we can talk about bands and music or literature and maybe film. I also prefer not to be judged when I'm scouring second hand stores for ABBA records and corduroy trousers :p I love my own company when I can have my iPod or my record player on and just look at photographs (of a lot of different things), read a book or hang around online.

But, having said that, one of my most dangerous traits is my fascination with strangers. I can talk to people I've never met before for hours.

I'm the King!
I'm an only child, and I've done most things alone, for most of my life. I take several vacations a year, and always go alone. I had a friend who used to go with me, and he canceled out, a couple of times, the night before,:mad: so the second time, I said f*ck it, and went by myself. Know what? I had a better time! I could eat where I wanted to eat, and do what I wanted to do. And I've pretty much gone alone, since. Also, I have found, that since texting, and wifi, came along, that I don't really feel THAT disconnected, when I'm away from home for a week.
Eating alone? Out of town, it doesn't bother me, one iota. However, I will admit, that here in my 100K burg, I AM a little self-conscious about it. I'll do it, but I worry about seeing someone I know, and feeling like a loser.

Funny thing is, as a lifetime loner of sorts, this past summer, I started having a few friends over at night, for pool parties. Well, it sort of snowballed, and the summer ended, with 25-30 ppl at my house, almost every night(lord, you should have seen my liquor bill, on my credit card!). My friend said that I was like a rock star, and it sort of felt like that! Anyway, summer ended, and I had been transformed, into a social creature. I LIKED having a house full of ppl everynight! But, I'm finally back to the way I was....it took about 6 weeks, to "de-socialize". It really took me going on a solo vacation, 3 weeks ago, to find my old self. I am a more social person now, but I'm fine solo, too.
Pardon the ramble....;)

Yes, me too! Most of my vacations are in Nashville, and the ppl are really friendly there. MOST nights, I'll end up having a 3 hour conversation, with a stranger.

As long as you're safe with it, I don't see anything wrong with it at all. I like interacting with Strangers. I once performed a purely indulgent social experiment where I went around asking random strangers for a hug and their autographs. It was worth it just to see the smiles on the faces of people who had otherwise been skulking their way through their day. Just a small and friendly reminder that people do care, no matter how distanced they appear to you.

Really interesting topic...

I too am the only child. So being alone is normal to me. It's just me and my mom at home. We get along "okay" but things go better when we just kinda stay to ourselves which is fine with me. She stays at home, and when I come home after being at work all day, talking with employees and customers, I don't feel like doing that when I get home. However my mom don't really have anyone else to talk to...so that's my little problem...then we start getting into it about something...:mad:

Most of the time I go to lunch by myself and I really like it. I find when I go with somebody I talk too much and don't pay attention to other stuff....you know LIKE EATING!! Sometimes having somebody with you is too distracting not to mention deciding where to go eat, shop, etc.

I love to be alone and I definitely do most of my shopping and errands by myself and prefer it that way. I have never done the following things solo:

*Go to the movies [I would enjoy this, I think. I should try it]
*Go to a *nice* restaurant (I've eaten and hung out in coffee shops by myself) [Not sure I would enjoy this as I would feel self conscious]
*Go on vacation [Intriguing, but probably not for more than a few days to a week]

I am almost never bored, but I could see myself getting a little lonesome on an extended solo vacation. This is an interesting topic. It probably all comes down to the Almighty Myers Briggs. I am an INFJ through and through.

Before my Mom passed away, that's how we were.

While I sometimes like company, I do have an issue with ppl that talk too much! God, there's a guy at work, whose mouth never closes. Nice guy, but STFU!!!!!! I would much rather be alone, than have to be around a motormouth.
Silence is golden, indeed.

Uhm....Remind me to keep out of your way lol. When the mood takes me, although I am prone a majority of the time to awkward silences, I can talk so much that I even annoy myself. Mostly when I'm especially passionate about a subject. I'm quite partial to a rant and ramble, and I could see you eating my face for it lol!

For the record, I wouldn't hurt a fly. I sometimes think that I also, might talk too much. Especially if I've got a buzz. I rarely am unable to carry on a conversation, with anyone. But like someone else said, a page ago, I'm a big thinker, and I really like my quiet time, to contemplate life. It's a four hour drive to Nashville for me, and sometimes my cousin wants to ride 3/4th of the way there(I drop him off at his Mom's). I HATE that, even though I let him. That means I have to talk to him, for 3 solid hours. I'd MUCH rather just have my quiet time.

I'm an ENFP and everything you said in this post also applies to me, with only one exception-- I go to movies alone all the time and LOVE it. No better way to spend an afternoon in my mind. I love solo shopping/exploring/long drives, too.

I have a hard time shopping with other ladies my age. I just don't prefer them to stand there staring at me while I do just that - look around in music shops and for items I am into. I can't stand people in my ear asking me if I think it's time to eat every 5 seconds, or if I have to use the bathroom every 10 minutes while I'm with them. A person who does this I will not go shopping with if I can help it. I've had some instances where I was shopping with someone however, and she seemed genuinely interested in the music I was looking at. That was enjoyable because she let me tell her all about it and she didn't seem bored by it. But I find these people are few and far between at my age :p

Another only child here, and I also go out alone. Some things are better than others. I generally go to the movies with other people. I like having someone to discuss it with after. I'll eat lunch by myself, but I wouldn't feel comfortable in a regular restaurant. I went on my first solo vacation this year, although I guess I sort of cheated since I did see my cousin, but I spent most of the time doing things on my own. It was nice, seeing what I wanted to see for as long or short of a time as I wanted. I detest shopping, so all of my friends know I'm not up for a trip to the mall!

I go to all Fleetwood Mac related events on my own. I used to have a couple of friends who would go, but neither of them were big fans and the ticket prices just got to be too high for them. I completely understand that. It's always interesting meeting random fans at the various shows. Most of them have never heard of the Ledge!

That's brilliant! :D I wonder if that would work in Australia though... only one way to find out, I guess!

That hurts my everything....especially my dented teat!:mad:

All the time! Most of the time, I actually end up preferring it, save for the closest of my inner circle.

I'll also add that few things can be more liberating and memorable than traveling to and exploring an unfamiliar city while alone. Sure, shared memories/experiences can be preferable, but you really find what you're truly made of when you put yourself in these kinds of positions. Helps you grow as a person, no matter how old or how mature you think you are.

I spent most of my time in London alone, since the friend I was staying with was still in school at the time and had class/homework while I was visiting. I liked being able to make my own schedule and stay as long as I wanted at various things instead of stretching things out because they were "planned" to be done at a specific time.

My next goal is to take a road trip by myself and journal the ENTIRE experience, from the sites I see to the things going through my mind doing it by myself. I find that for awhile traveling alone is fun (I LOVE doing the actual airport business by myself) but after awhile, you want to share things with people and I think I would start feeling lonely, but it really depends.

I'm alone...
 

but not by choice...Obviously

Still not used to being by myself, but I get by. What I miss, besides obviously Debbie, is having someone else decide what to purchase grocery wise. I hate shopping!

It still feels weird to do anything and not have her along for the ride (I don't stop in a restaurant to eat because I feel out of place without having her present).

The only thing I think I have no issue with being alone is either going to a music store or a concert, which I always did alone (The concert part) - but everything else just feels odd to me.

The social part of my brain seems to only have on and off buttons. Most of the time I truly do enjoy doing most things alone. It's been that way since I was a toddler. I always wanted to play with my hot wheels and such alone because I knew exactly how I wanted to play, and other kids just screwed things up! :laugh:

As an adult, I'm much the same in many ways. I just LOVE taking long drives by myself. I like being able to blast my music, which most people don't like, and even to be able to sing along to it. Private time (and lots of it!) is just cleansing to me. I love to go into our guest room and watch movies and listen to music or read alone. Most every concert I've gone to in the past decade has been a solo outing. Especially going to see the Mac/Stevie is kinda a private thing for me... *I* can say they look old, sound bad, etc... but if anybody else said those things, it'd crush me! :p

Most of the time when I go out to restaurants and bars, I like for it to be a group thing. But I've found when my other half is away on travel, I go to my neighborhood bar alone and enjoy just people watching by myself. It's a totally different experience. I can't say I enjoy eating out alone, unless it's in a fast food/cafeteria type setting where I can be truly anonymous. I still feel weird about going to a sit down restaurant alone. Though I do enjoy cooking and eating at home alone tremendously. My other half has radically different food preferences than I do, and we have a tiny kitchen which we always trip over each other in... so cooking and dining alone at home is a real treat for me. I can blast MY music, cook MY fav dishes, and drink MY fav type of wine! :p

Don't get me wrong, there are certain activities to me which are best with company. I don't like riding my Vespa alone... I prefer my other half to ride his with me. My parents have a lake house in the middle of nowhere which has a pool and a boat, and I always love having my family there and also bringing along all my best buddies. Though one of my absolute fav things to do alone is take the boat out at night alone, shut it off in the middle of the lake, and just lay back and look at the stars. :nod:

Doing stuff alone definitely doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you at all. Humans are social creatures as a whole, but it's safe to say each and every one of us needs our private time in order to remain balanced and grounded. :thumbsup:

This is a great thread. Things like this don't get discussed often enough! :D

I used to be that annoying person that couldn't go to the bathroom alone, and got her friends to order her food for her :o but I've found that as I've grown up (obviously), I've had to get to grips with being independent and doing things for myself. Now I just don't care anymore.

I still get self-conscious sometimes when I'm doing things alone, just because it can feel odd wandering around by yourself when everyone else seems to be in a couple or a group, but I find it hard to enjoy shopping (for clothes, etc) with other people, and I love taking my time to browse. I spent 25 minutes in one aisle the other day choosing new stationery! That's something you can only justify doing on your own :laugh:

When it comes to music I do everything alone - listening, dancing, buying - aside from a couple of like-minded Depeche Mode buddies, I don't know many people into the same music as me. So generally I find myself going to concerts alone, which I don't mind at all 'cause no one will judge my crazy dancing and singing along :rolleyes: Travelling there doesn't bother me at all, I often travel from where I live to Manchester by train for gigs, which takes about an hour and a half, and I adore long train journeys on my own - I've only traveled long distance with somebody else once, and I HATED it. I much prefer to sit and think, or listen to music/read whilst travelling. It's probably my favourite pastime. I also really enjoy sitting in Starbucks reading with my iPod in - I always sit in the same place, which looks out of big glass doors onto a side-street, so I can people-watch with my caramel macchiato..

Now that all my friends have split off to different universities it's given me heaps more time by myself.. this was fine at first but I'm getting quite bored of it now.
Hey ho, just more train journeys for me to go and visit them all :D

Eh, I'm mixed on this subject. I live alone and love being alone so I really don't have a problem going places alone and doing things by myself. However, I always find it weird to go to a concert or go eat by myself. I will do pretty much anything else by myself, but not those two things! Idk why tho. But when I see someone eating alone, I always feel the urge to invite them to my table, but I never do.

This reminds me of when people say mean things to/about my little brother. I tell them to stop, because only I may do/say those things.

While you might feel self-conscious eating out alone, most everybody else in the restaurant is too busy "doing there thing" - they ain't paying no attention to anybody but themselves. And if they look at you odd, just do this...:wavey:!

When i was much younger i would go everywhere with my friends, movies, party's, concerts, the beach & even the dentist together just to get out of school.. Now in my 40's i love being on my own, during the day i have our house to myself & im never bored I have my music to listen to all day, shopping i always go by myself, as i hate waiting around for people to decide what to buy. I had the best night of my life when i went to the Unleashed concert by myself. But the thing i enjoy the most is driving for long hours on my own , always singing along to Stevie's music, she keeps me company & i have so much fun..

I'm an only child, so I am used to spending a lot of time home alone (not counting my birds). I have gone shopping alone, but many other things, i just can't do alone. I feel strange going on a vacation or eating at a restaurant or going to the movies alone and with that, I always need some sort of companion, even if it means making friends with a stranger (I've done that many times at school and in fact, that's how I met my male friend Sam and my former female friend Sam)

Looks like there are quite a few only childs here on the Ledge! :D A few years ago, somebody I went to college with asked my why I'm an only child! I barely new this person...what a question to ask somebody. :mad:

As annoyed as I get when people think I'm majoring in business cause I just wanna make big money (guess what? It's possible to enjoy learning about business too and maybe you'd wanna make it your major), I think being asked that would be even worse.

I used to like being alone all the time. I would stay home and listen to music and sing or watch movies in my room.

My mother works, so I'm at home for about 6 hours by myself every week day, and before my step-father moved in I would be alone for an entire weekend. I realized that I had never been in a house by myself ("alone") before. I realized this after my cat died. There was always someone around. My sister would always be home with me when I was a kid and up until I was 15 (before she left for college). The week following putting Nemo down, I was home truly alone all the time. Before, he was always there to play with, and when he was sick I had him to take care of. I didn't like being alone at that point.

For things like movies and restaurants...I have no choice but to go with people because I don't have a car :(

Haha, that's so weird. What a thing to ask someone. People ask me why I have 11 brothers and sisters.

Another only child here! I don't do much on my own, because the nearest town with anything good is like half an hour away, my friends live far from here aswell so I don't do much in general. When I do though I prefer going with like one or two people, don't like big groups at all cause they always seem to get "divided" at some point..

For me, because Mom couldn't have kids, and I'm adopted. She wanted to adopt another, but Dad was a horse's ass, and didn't want any more.

WHAT is it, with you girls taking someone to the bathroom with you??? I almost can't even pee, if someone's running their mouth while I'm trying to start. I can't imagine ASKING someone to go to the bathroom with me.:shocked:

Another only child checking in! It's funny, because growing up in school there were only a few of us.

I've been asked the "Why are you an only child?" question, too. I usually say because my parents got perfection on the first try. ;)

As for the topic, I quite enjoy my solitude. I love just driving around with no destination. Surprisingly, I have never taken a true vacation by myself... definitely on my to-do list. I do hate dining out alone; it just feels awkward, even for me.

THIS SO HARD!! I hate when other people are in the bathroom with me. I literally can't pee if I think someone else can hear me (tmi, soz)

I don't have a car either. My great uncle did most of the driving for me and my mom. That is until last week or so when he had a stroke and is now in a nursing home. I'm working on the driving bit (started to a month or so ago when my uncle started having those symptoms)

Why do you have 11 brothers and sisters...;)

I definitely prefer being alone in the restroom/bathroom and quiet or else I can't go. :o

It's not about them hearing me.....idk, it's like if they're talking, my brain's too busy listening to them, to relax enough to pee. Or I'm only able to let half out.:(
And guys in restrooms(especially in bars) are always talking at the urinals. Hey guys, STFU!!!!:wavey:

I can remember doing this as a teenager. Always in a public place though, like a party, or as I got a few years older, a nightclub. I can't remember WHY we would do it, though.