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Please say a prayer for me...
because last night I had to endure the worst feeling one can suffer through in their entire lives.
About a week ago my former wife Debbie and myself started talking about a reconciliation, and we started down that road over the weekend when I decided to move back home to be with her. All was happy and things were going great for us, we were happy as we once were years ago and life was to be great... But last night at about 12am I heard a commotion outside the house (We lived on a "Dead End Street") but didnt think much of it. Theen I heard car door slam....Still thinking nothing of it. I decided to go check out the kitchen window to see who was making that noise outside. I noticed a Carnegie PD patrol car and a OHP (Oklahoma Highway Patrol) outside and remembered what Debbie had told me just a few days earlier about how the Carnegie PD had someone stopped at the intersection just down the street. So I assumed that they had once again had someone stopped and decided "Eh, No big deal..." and I sat back down at the computer desk to finish a CDR I was working on... When I heard a knock on the door, and not the type one wants to hear at this time of the night, especially when one had seen patrolmen outside their home. I jumped up to the door and said "Hold on a second" - so I could unlock the door and turn on the porch light. I was asked by one patrolman to identify myself, Which I did, thinking to myself "Am I going to be arrested?". The officer then asked me if I knew a Debbie Johnson...And I knew exactly where this was going once the officers asked if they could come inside, they had news to tell me that they HATE delivering... About 10:43pm last night Debbie was driving to work in my 2003 Pontiac Grand Prix when something happened to cause her to leave the road about 2 miles West of the town of Verden...The car rolled and she died at the scene How could this happen to me? Why did this happen to me? Why did some unknown force decide to flatten my soul EXACTLY to the day 31 years later after my Dad's death on October 22,1977? Why was she taken from me just as we were to re-new our lives? How am I supposed to go forward in this life when the person who knew me best has passed beyond my grasp? WHY? WHY? WHY? I am at a loss for words...I am sitting in this house alone with only the memories to haunt me. If you don't see me on the Ledge in the foreseeable future, you will know why. My soul has been damaged beyond repair. |
Oh Brian, words cannot express the sorrow I feel for you; and words must seem meaningless right now. To lose the love of your life is so tragically horrible. Though I don't know you personally Honey, I can feel the agony in your words and it saddens me to the core.
Your friends at the Ledge are here to help you in any way they can with much love and caring. Warming hugs of comfort for you, Gretch |
This is a tragic turn for you and I am deeply sorry for Debbie and for your loss of her. You are in my prayers my friend and I also pray for the reposal of her soul. In life, she and you conquered so much in terms of her illness only to have it now taken away. Please know you are not alone in this in that you have support here.
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Thanks...
I just had to call the wrecker service to give my approval for her personal belongings to be retrieved... The car hit a culvert, went 115 feet in the air and landed on its top...The person I spoke to said "it was VERY bad" OHP thinks she may have had a 'medical incident' which led to the crash...An autopsy is pending. I am numb...I have now lost 2 people who meant so much in my world on the date Oct.22nd... I could die now... |
Brian, I have tears in my eyes. I know nothing I can say will change anything or make you feel better... just know my heart goes out to you. I know how much you and Debbie had gone through, and this just breaks my heart, especially since you had just renewed your relationship.
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Brian, I am here/there for you day...night...calling you brother.
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omg, brian, my heart is breaking for you~ i am crying as i type this~ you are such a special person, i can't believe this has happened~ i had her as a friend on myspace & she has always been a very kind sweet person~ i wish i knew what to say to make you feel better~ just know that you & debbie are in my heart & prayers & like niki said if you ever need anything, don't hesitate~
bless you my friend:xoxo:~ RIP debbie, you will be missed:angel:~ |
I'm very sorry, Brian. My heart truly goes out to you.
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I'm so sorry.
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I'm still fubar'd
and sad...
Talked to the M.E. (Medical Examiner) and he stated her cause of death was "aphixation due to strangulation of the seatbelt", Had someone seen the wreck or someone discovered her right after the accident and pulled her out, "she would have EASILY survived with only 2 abbrasions on her arms and no other possible injuries". She must have been knocked unconscious... Wasnt a heartattack nor a stroke...Unknown if an animal ran into her path, (That stretch of highway is known for deer) there was no skidmarks from the brakes which is puzzling the M.E. - He said we may never know what caused the accident. The car just went straight off the road, hit a culvert went 115 feet in the air - flipped over onto its roof and landed. The seatbelt sufficated her in the upside down position... I'm ruined... Please God kill me... |
oh brian. I will talk to you again in a little bit. I'm so sorry.
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Oh my God Brian, how just utterly awful. I am thinking of you Sweetie. (((BRIAN)))
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Brian, I sent you a PM too, but wanted to say my heart is hurting for you right now. Your life has been filled with pain and this just adds to it. I am so sorry and my prayers are with you, no doubt. Please know that there are people here who care about you and are around to listen.
There just aren't any words to express my condolences to you. The pain is excruciating, I know. My cousin was killed in a car accident back in 2005. She veered off the road a bit, flipped and hit a tree. :( She died on the way to the hospital. You are devastated and I pray that you will find strength. |
This is so awful, I'm so sorry, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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I just want to extend my deepest sympathy to you and hope that god helps you through this awful time. Please take care of yourself and check in every so often so we know how you are doing.
Take care |
I just made it back from the funeral home, where I had to make the burial plans...
Nothing feels as final as that... I lost all belief in this life... Oct.22nd now haunts me two-fold: My father Geary Allen Johnson Sr. died on this day and now my ex-wife Debbie Ann Johnson What is wrong with this world I reside in? Does God contiually toss more weight onto my shoulders to make me into a modern day version of Job? Seat-belts don't save...Not in this case: "She was wearing her seatbelt....BUT, that was a hinderance. With her position in the car, which was upside down on it's roof, the seatbelt cut off her breathing and she aphixated. Had someone seen the accident or arrived upon it immediately there-after she could have been pulled from the car and survived with only scrapes and two-minor lacerations on her arms" - M.E. If I live to see Oct.22,2009 THAT WILL BE A MIRACLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Brian "I have become COMFORTABLY NUMB" j. |
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bless you friend~ |
I didn't read this thread as I thought it was the same as other prayer request threads.
Sorry to hear about what happened. |
Brian,
I am truly sorry for your loss. |
Brian,
It is definitely a shock. I am so sorry. It sounds like a bad dream, but unforutnately, it isn't. Life is not fair. I believe in the spirit world and believe that everything happens for a reason. I am not wise enough to know what those reasons are. Know that you are not alone and please do not despair. I know how easily despair approaches. You have lots of friends. Count me in as one of them. May you find peace in your soul. I am lighting a candle for you. |
Holy focking crap. Grab sanity in your love for music, buddy, you're in my thoughts...
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Dear God Brian, this is shocking and I am so sorry... Please don't fade away. I know it's hard but you've got to try and stay in touch with people now. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you my friend.
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:distress: Very, very sorry to hear this. You and Debbie will both be in my prayers.
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Brian, I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I pray that God will help you. |
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I am so sorry. |
Brian,
I am without words. You have my condolences. Please, please hang in there and hold your head up high. This is what your loved ones, past and present, want for you. With sympathy- Richard |
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They want you to go on. Please do it to the very very best of your ability. It's something you can do for them as well as yourself. |
Brian, all I can say to you is that 5 years ago I lost someone that was very dear to me, a great aunt, and I ended up in the hospital for a week and nearly died after a suicide attempt. BELIEVE ME, I know at least in a small way what you are going through.
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I'm still here and awake, took a pill to help me sleep after the stress of this day...
I am actually the most spent mentally I have been ever in my adult life.... Running on just sheer will to hang in there and not quit... I have my brother and family here with me, so I am fine I guess... Mentally I am damaged, and this latest tragedy in my life has possibly pushed me over the edge, but I cling to that 'ledge' (Uh, No pun intended) with my fingers in hope I can pull myself up and over onto solid ground. Debbie wouldnt want me to quit, nor would my Mom (If I harmed myself, Who would be waiting for me on the other side other than Mom, Who would kick my ass so hard that I would wear my ass as a hat and be a true asshat) so I try to hang in there best I can... As the song goes "All I Can Do is Write About It" |
Brian,
My heart and prayers go out to you. I don't know why God took Debbie at this time from you but there always is a reason why. Don't be angry with God or with anyone in this world. I have lost a few good people in my life including my mother and my father has about six months to live and sometimes we have to accept God's Will and go on with our lives. I will be thinking of you and sincerely wish you the best in your future. Remember, Debbie with beautiful thoughts and memories. Remember her fondly with love and devotion. That is what she would want for you to do. She would want you to love her and remember her but also she would want you to be happy and go on with your life. Remember that. I am a wife and I know that I would not want my husband and children sad if anything should happen to me. I would want them to move on and have good memories of me. Debbie would want the same from you. Be strong for her so she can look down from Heaven and smile. God bless you!!! |
I am truely at a loss for words. I read this for the first time yesterday and felt horrible. Only now do I feel that I can even say anything, so you must be feeling worse than imaginable. The only good part about this is that the two of you had made up and had a happy last few days together. Just hang in there and know that you have an infiniiate number of friends here on the Ledge that are here for you when ever you need us! This is just horrible.
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I JUST read this post. Oh My God. I am really feeling for you right now. Terrible. You know what? My father died on my birthday...i am too acquainted with the grief that comes with. It doesn't make ANY SENSE. I suppose it never will. From an outsiders perspective, in the very least you and your wife were back on the road to recovery. None of us are promised tomorrow...we have have to die. But at least you and your wife were given a chance to patch things up. You may feel worse about it had she passed and you and her were always on **** terms. When it comes to losing people, it always seems like there's no bright side of the coin. After losing my Dad I thought no good could or would come from it, but there has been good...and it makes sense to me in my heart. Time hasn't healed the wound yet, and I don't think the grief is ever fully healed. BUT, if I didn't believe things are happening for a bigger purpose I probably just couldn't go on. So i have trust and hope in that. I remember Tolkien wrote something beautiful once about Death; and how it's a road we all inevitably take. He said it was a gift to Men, from God himself. He said only as the years of earth wore slowly on that Death became a grief to men and they came to fear it because of the shadow of evil in the world. I mean, it's not Nietzsche, but beautiful nonetheless. Our prayers are with you my friend! |
Well, I'm sitting here having exhausted myself to the point I cannot let my guard down or something may happen (I can understand why the M.E. told me "You wouldn't believe how many people harm themselves after such traumatic news").
I have all the arrangements for her burial, which will be Tuesday at 2pm. I picked out on of her nursing uniforms for her to wear as she is laid to rest, since we had (In the past) talked about that 'inevitable' time that could occur (I figured I would pass before she would). Picked out the headstone and all the other related issues that go with a funeral. I had the funeral director place a handmade double-wedding band ring quilt in her casket along with 2 handmade Raggiedy-Ann and Andy dolls (The quilt and dolls were made by my Mom as presents for Debbie). He asked if I would like to view her, I declined - I cannot deal with that...I am STILL HAUNTED by seeing my Mom in that manner. The (car) insurance company have been PRICKS to me...Showing ZERO regard to this tragedy. They dont care that Debbie died, all they WANT is their f**kin' $$$$. Hadn't even been 24 hours after the accident and they were ALREADY concerned about their OWN SELF-INTEREST over my interest. They act as if the car was not a total lost...The front axle was bent and broken, the tires were bent from vertical to horizontal, If that isnt proof of being TOTALLED then I dont know I can find an example that will show what TOTALLED is. Questions continue to run through my head "Did someone force her off the road?" "Did someone see something noone else saw that night and not report it?" "How was the car located if others on the highway did not see the accident?" I plan to post an ad in the local newspapers asking if someone may have seen something that night. I have her cellphone (Which was in her purse, which was with her until the funeral home received her body) and I know what time the hospital placed calls trying to locate her (11:23pm) - and I know the EXACT time she left the house (9:50 pm). Someone somewhere had to see something...There are oil-rigs in that general area and those truck PLOW off onto the highway without regard for others at ALL times of the night, I even encountered a few of those trucks without any lighting (Tail/Head/Brake) at night with the same car she died in. Sitting here alone in the house...Hangin' in there the best I can. I grieve in private...I don't like people to see me at my most vunerable. Thank God I have prescribed propoxyphene (100M) to take to calm my SHATTERED NERVES & SOUL. |
Such sadness
Brian
I know we rerally don't know each other except for occasional exchanges on the ledge..but this is such tragic news my heart breaks for you. I honestly do not know how I would react in your posistion. The only thing that you can do right now is think and THINK hard about your girlfriend and the hopes that you had for the future together. Many before have said things happen for a reason...who knows ?:perhaps in a week she would have found out that she was deathly ill with whatever and had to live through the agony of dealing with a slow painful end, that-as well as your devestation. Maybe this is fate's way of taking her, quickly and probably painlessly (She was more than likely unconscience when alll this was happening) Think of the good- I know it is hard through the darkness, but she got to spend her last few days with you and that is where SHE wanted to be. That is what is important my friend-How you effect others' lives. Know that she died hopeful and optomistic for the future. You have endured more pain than many a soul could bear, and you are still here there is a reason, my friend. You cannot see it now but there is a reason that you are still here-alone in your grief and strife, but Brian you are strong and you WILL get through this trauma. All of us here are praying and sending warm thoughts. My sympathies on the loss of your beloved... but for whatever reason-you were meant to carry on. So do her proud, be strong and stand up for the ones that have lost their voice- You're stronger than you realise and you will get through this... blessed be to all, just breathe.... always, anna aka eclipse |
You've been in my thoughts all day today and yesterday, Brian. About the only thing I can say is to echo what Jill and some others have said..... that if Debbie's time on Earth were nearing the end, I am glad she spent them reunited with you. Your love for her is evident in your words.
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I'm trying...
to hang in there, but I feel I'm slipping away...
I always thought the song "Estranged" was about 'someone else' from my past, when all along it was about Debbie. I'm living these lyrics at this exact moment, but in a finality point of view: "When you're talkin to yourself And nobody's home You can fool yourself You came in this world alone (Alone) So nobody ever told you baby How it was gonna be So what'll happen to you baby Guess we'll have to wait and see One, two Old at heart but I'm only 28 And I'm much too young To let love break my heart Young at heart but it's getting much too late To find ourselves so far apart I don't know how you're s'posed To find me lately An what more could you ask from me How could you say that I never needed you When you took everything Said you took everything from me Young at heart an it gets so hard to wait When no one I know can seem to help me now Old at heart but I musn't hesitate If I'm to find my own way out Still talkin' to myself and nobody's home (Alone) So nobody ever told us baby How it was gonna be So what'll happen to us baby Guess we'll have to wait and see When I find out all the reasons Maybe I'll find another way Find another day With all the changing seasons of my life Maybe I'll get it right next time An now that you've been broken down Got your head out of the clouds You're back down on the ground And you don't talk so loud An you don't walk so proud Any more, and what for Well I jumped into the river too many times to make it home I'm out here on my own, an drifting all alone If it doesn't show give it time To read between the lines 'Cause I see the storm getting closer And the waves they get so high Seems everything We've ever known's here Why must it drift away and die I'll never find anyone to replace you Guess I'll have to make it thru, this time Oh this time Without you I knew the storm was getting closer And all my friends said I was high But everything we've ever known's here I never wanted it to die" I am for once at a loss for words... |
I am so sorry to hear this. My prayers are with you.
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Brian... I don't know what to say. I'm so very sorry that you've lost Debbie.
Just please know you're in my thoughts and I'm wishing you strength, my friend. |
Thanks everyone...
it is much appreciated.
My sorrow is still here, but my anger is starting to boil. Some questions need to be answered before I can understand "why". My older brother thought of some valid questions I need to ask to the OHP and the officials who investigated the accident: #1 HOW was the accident reported? Did someone report the accident via cellphone? Did a person happen upon the scene? Debbie left the house at 9:50pm and her cellphone showed that calls from her employer & co-workers continued from 11:23pm until 12:03am of Oct.23rd - but the OHP reported to me that the accident occurred at about 10:43pm and the OHP was in my living room at around 12am. Did the accident actually happen at 10:43pm? Was it called in at 10:43pm? I can TELL ANYONE from experience that there is NO WAY IN F**KING HELL that no TRAFFIC was not on that highway in those 55 minutes from the time she left home until the accident...No way, I will bet my ENTIRE MUSIC COLLECTION on that, that is how sure I am because I drove that road on a near daily basis for the past 8 years!!! #2 HOW could NOONE see the car accident when my Grand Prix had daylight running lamps installed that STAY on when the key is in the ignition and in the on position and only turn OFF when the car's ignition is in the OFF position? There is NO WAY one could NOT have seen the car from the highway, My brother & I drove that stretch of road last night and a car could have EASILY been seen from the highway (A 4 lane U.S. Highway at that) #3 Why did the HOSPITAL NOT call me when they could not reach Debbie? They had my phone number, they could have called me and asked, but noone called me at all. Instead of trying to call her why didnt they call me? That makes no sense at all. Update: I was able to verify when she received the calls from the hospital and her friends/co-friends, and to why that hospital was unable to contact me when she did not arrive on time: Their record of my phone was a number I havent had since around 2002. |
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